Raccoons don't have to try. So what does this asshole think he is doing? Is it so hard to just stand on your hind legs, or hug your tail? YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING ROBBER FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. So I don't presume to understand just what you might have gone through in your life to get to the point where you have to do this, Raccoon, but you better get out from behind that fucking tree right now. Or I am NEVER throwing out my trash again.
28 comments:
A raccoon once fell on my friend's brother while he was sleeping, so..Yeah, they are liars and suck.
Classic.
yeah, freakin robbers!
You have to watch the little fuckers night and day.
They look innocent, oh yes, but then. . .
http://www.toastr.com/photos/squirrelevillookw.jpg
This guy reminds me of... THE HAMBURGLAR!
http://www.spectrecollie.com/wp-content/uploads/photos/hamburglar.jpg
um. marry me. (i am not a psycho - i just think this is the hardest i have laughed in a while...and yeah.)
Fucking Racoons. Those little bandy,striped freaks used to shimmy up my back deck, crawl over the roof of the house and settle into a nook above my bedroom. They then proceeded to have racoon sex all night until I beat a shoe off the ceiling and shouted profanities at them.
I think Racoons must be related to my former roommate because they exacted revenge in a most heinous fashion. How you may ask? By climbing the up the deck, spending a night in my kayak and depositing sodden racoon turds in it. (My old roomate used to stamp his dangleberries into our bathroom floor.)Well, you can imagine my reaction. Them bastards are not even worth the steam off me piss. Speaking of piss, the remnants of their biological attack still lingers on in my kayak, especially on hot days.
So be warned, don't tick off a racoon or you may get a punishment of Bene Gesserit proportions.
I have never seen a raccoon peak out shyly from behind a tree. The ones in my neighborhood stop traffic to cross the street and like to rip domestic cats to shreds for fun. They don't even eat the remains.
Like Quentin, I have seen these critters shimmy up trees to get to decks and wreak their usual havoc. Raccons are ruthless. Raccoons are relentless. Raccoons have no morals. Raccoons think garbage can lids are percussion instruments.
Raccoons tie up and rape elderly women in some states.
I have also heard that raccoons are responsible for nearly 50% of all cases of mailbox identity theft in this country.
You are KILLING me!
I hate those little bastards.
What a brilliant website.
and say hello to your mother.
Skeptical Bystander... perhaps you need to start a "Fuck You, Raccoon" blog. I would read it, solely because a raccoon fucked my credit score through fraudulent internet purchases... they are wily sons of bitches. Oh, and this is my favorite blog ever.
This little fucker looks like the prick that thieved my Oreos at Scout camp. If he didn't do, he knows the prick that did. I'd like to waterboard this shitbag....with an Evinrude.
Screw zombies, these assholes are the real menace.
This is so damn true...years ago, we had a roving band of over-sexed raccoons living in our yard for a while, climbing up on the roof over our bedroom to have loud, athletic sex, then leaving huge raccoon turds all over the roof. I almost lost my husband when he slipped on fossilized raccoon shit while putting up the Christmas lights...
Several years ago on a camping trip to South Carolina, I made the sad mistake of feeding a marshmallow to one of those cute little bastards.
In about five minutes a large band of those thankless fucks chased me into the tent and I couldn't come out 'til morning.
On my next camping trip to SC I'm packing lead.
Actually Robbers look like Racoons.
I used to have 3 ducks, until a raccoon came along and snipped their heads off. Now I have no ducks. Thanks raccoon!
International Racoon conspiracy? Might Be...Here's the proof!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWviJgvKcjo&feature=channel_page
Which animal has the most road-kill victims? Squirrels? I vote for Raccoons-nature's little (too big to miss) speed bumps.
A raccoon once stole my virginty. I have proof....www.thedrunkcanuck.com
I outwitted a raccoon once. I forgot to bring in a bag of icing sugar from the porch, and the bastard grabbed it in the night. However, he took it over to the birdbath to WASH it before eating it. HAHAHAHA I'll bet he looked stupid when it all dissolved before he could get a taste! Of course, I was out a bag of icing sugar, but I had my revenge.
Seriously, try harder, raccoon.
oh how i love this blog. you say it well!
When I was a wee lad, filthy evil raccoons were always leaving their blackberry-stained turds all over the stairs to the beach at our cabin. Stinky, nasty and slippery. Clearly, they were trying to eliminate my entire family so they could move into the cabin themselves. Now, my aging mother, for some reason known only to herself, has taken to feeding the little bastards dog food on her second floor deck. They come climbing up the tree, making their cute little trilling sounds, clearly trying to lure my mother and her cats and dog out onto the deck where the raccoons will pounce and eat them.
Bastards. They BETTER wear masks.
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
also, you know they support abortions, and gay marriage.
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