Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Get your own damn legs, Pig


I see you're very proud of yourself aren't you, Pig? You get to walk around the fair without exerting any effort. For what? So you can roll around in the mud the rest of the day and not get tired? What are you doing that's so fucking exhausting that you get to be carried around and have your picture taken like you're the fucking king of the fair? EVERYBODY BOW DOWN TO THE LITTLE PIG, KING OF THE COTTON CANDY STAND. I think it's time you learned to fend for yourself, you little piece of-

What? I can hold him?... Okay, just for one second... NO! Stay strong, don't let him get to you.

49 comments:

Gojiro said...

That'll do, pig. That'll do.

WHAT THE FUCK I SAID THAT'LL DO!

Wes said...

Oh, Pig...

patrick said...

Delicious. Fuck you... and get in my stomach.

Clever Idea Widgetry said...

Please get back to being very funny. Thanks.

wombat said...

OK, just take a deep breath - hold it - and think: BACON. We can handle this. I think...

David Dust said...

In honor of this douchenozzle pig, I'm going to eat a ham sandwich and a side of pork rinds for lunch. And then I'm going to have some delicious BACON for dessert.

Take THAT, fucking pig!

Unknown said...

Pig, you are awesome wrapped around scallops. You shall not get the best of me...

...okay, I'll hold you for 1 minute.

...maybe 2.

Oh, you little son of a bitch. You have tricked me. Well played, pig. Well played.

Tim McNutt said...

Where's Christopher "Big Black" Boykin when you need him? He could sit on this pathetic creature and yell out, "Press ham!" Send his ass to the butcher and do work son!

Anonymous said...

I'll bet the little bitch has a curly little tail.

Meeg said...

You can take some solace in the fact that those feet will end up in a pickling jar soon enough.

Anonymous said...

If they let me hold him at the Fair, I'll take him right over to the deep fried twinkee stand. Deep fried whole pig, with a deep fried twinkee for desert. Mmmmmm...

SJO said...

must pet piggy. pet pet pet. george pig. my friend.

Mame said...

I could make a nice purse out of those ears.

DH said...

Yeah, I'll admit you're cute...when you sprout wings and fly outta my ass...

Bodie Johnson said...

Pig, I swear on my mother's gentle soul that if you keep looking like that I will have your hooves pickled in a jar and that snout...don't even get me started on what will happen with that.

Anonymous said...

I'm still all fucked up over "da cutest widdle itty bitty bunbunbabywabbit EVAH!" yesterday...

And yet- there is a need inside to pull this fucker's tail and listen to him squeal like a - well, you KNOW THE REST!

Anonymous said...

Yay!

I love the last lines.

You make me happy.

Sugarbaby said...

Just to show you how NOT cute you are, I'm going to eat this BLT and make you watch me, Pig!

Wait... stop looking at me like that... STOP!

Great. Now I'm a fucking vegetarian.

You're an asshole. An adorable asshole.

JediJeff said...

BACON!!!!!

Becker said...

That'll do pig?! That'll do? You didn't DO ANYTHING!!!

Susan petry said...

you failed to mention the obligatory bit of fecal matter clinging to the hoofs

Jenny said...

look who thinks they're in Charlottes Web. Poser.

Unknown said...

Unfortunately, trying to eat a pig as retribution only makes your heart hurt. From clogged arteries.

Arun Jacob said...

mmmm....cute Bacon!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, let me hold him! :-P

Dr.Salt said...

That look in his eyes. He knows he's done wrong.

furiousBall said...

i'm going to make a ham sandwich out of you and top it with bacon from your mom.

Tara Rabeumdeay said...

OK. Wee pigs is where I draw the line.

I own a box full of Babe memorabilia. I'll never give it up.
Never. I cried at Charlottes Web, both when I read it as a girl, as just last week, when I caught the Dakota Fanning version on cable.

I'd carry that pig anywhere he wanted to go.

Now, if you want to post a cute picture of Dakota Fanning for us to rip on, that'd be good.

G double dash LOC said...

Charlotte would be extremely dissapointed in you and your lil nubbins. That bitch shoulda bit you in your sleep and made the world a better place.

PS you make me feel great about eating you.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you're cute, little pig, real cute.

See this football? Smell it?

THAT'S YOUR MOM!!!

Will Niccolls said...

For the love of god someone please use this little porker for ballistics testing.

Anonymous said...

Yeah we know all about the shit that went down at Animal Farm you exploitative bastard.

PS I bought some delicious ham yesterday. In a Muslim country no less!

Suffer pig!

kim said...

you know when that handler sets him down, the pig is gonna go straight for his toes squealing "this little piggy went to market, my ass!!"

M@ said...

All I can say is, "What the fuck!?"

*I* am the penguin. The penguin is my totem.

I find this highly offensive.

http://animalmind.blogspot.com/2009/01/survival.html

The Val said...

I would punt this thing across the fucking Atlantic.

kristine said...

WTF is up with his dirty little snout? Have you been sniffing your dirty little butt, you dirty little pig? You disgust me.

Anonymous said...

See, pig, that bunny in the previous post thought he was cute too. Then I told him exactly what I was going to do to him and he ran, he ran to save his miserable fucking little life.

So don't dick around with me, Sweetcheeks. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

I talked to my therapist about this blog, and she thinks it's good for me. She says I need to "own my rage" and find "harmless ways to vent."

Fuck, if this is what I have to do to get released, I guess I'll do it.

gaygles said...

fuck you pig, you don't know shit about cute.

The Val said...

There's no wheelchair access to my stomach.

Gundymama said...

I love the fact that you almost crumbled to it's cuteness!

LB said...

PIG SEWIEEEEEEE, GO Arkansas RAZORBACKS!

We eat em and others play us!

belledame222 said...

Oh yeah, "SOME PIG." Next you'll be telling us you're "radiant." It's not working, pig. Your little eight-legged friend/press agent broke down and admitted the game when threatened with lizards.

But enjoy the ride, pig. We don't want you getting too tough from too much exercise, anyway. By the way, would you mind posing with this apple in your mouth for just a second? Great. See you at Christmas...

Julian Meteor said...

That looks like my EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rofl

Anonymous said...

I kissed a cat, by Kitty Purry (aka Natalija Harbinson, sung to her Tomcats last night, Rocco and Luca)...wrong? Right?

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a cat and I liked it
The taste of his tuna fish breath
I kissed a cat just to try it
I hope the RSPCA don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed my cat and I liked it
I liked it

Yes, I know your names……Rocco and Luca
You’re my pets, It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

I kissed a cat and I liked it
The taste of his tuna fish breath
I kissed a cat just to try it
I hope the RSPCA don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed my cat and I liked it
I liked it,

My Tomcats we are so magical
Furry skin, whiskered lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a cat and I liked it
The taste of his tuna fish breath
I kissed a cat just to try it
I hope the RSPCA don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight

*Incidentally, Kitty Purry is the real name of Katy Perry’s cat and yes, I sung this to Rocco and Luca as a joke! I love “my boys” but in a totally healthy way…… Luca flattened his ears when I sung it [cat speak for ‘One is not amused’], a bad sign? Rocco, seemed to enjoy being serenaded....hmmmm....

cutefuckingkills said...

Wow. I'm speechless

MotorWeek Sucks said...

I had his friend over for breakfast this morning.

kilgore said...

on Lisa Simpson deciding to become a vegetarian:
Homer: wait wait, Lisa, honey...are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? what about bacon?
Lisa: no.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: NO.
Homer: Pork Chops?!?
Lisa: DAAD! those all come from the SAME animal!
Homer: oh, sure lisa. *singsong voice* one Magical Delicious animal...

that's you pig. magically delicious.

get in here said...

I'd eat that little fat fuck.