Chipmunks: What are they hiding?

What is going on inside those cheeks, Chipmunk? I know you've got something in there, because I KNOW you aren't doing a Marlon Brando impression. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MARLON BRANDO IS BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING CHIPMUNK. And close your mouth while you are eating, no one wants to see your chewed up whatever. Jesus Christ, Chipmunk. Manners.

Dolphin swagger makes me sick

Oh my god, Dolphin, you smug little shit. What is with that smile? You think just because you can recognize yourself in a mirror you can go around acting like your shit doesn't smell? (It smells, right?) You need to wipe that smile off your face, Dolphin, or I'm going to come in there, have a religious-like experience swimming with you, and then wipe it off for you.

Manatees think they can get away with it

I'm on to you, Manatee. Just because you are arguably the ugliest animal on the planet does not allow you to be so GODDAMNED cute. What's with the stubby fins and the giant nose? That's just wrong, Manatee. And lose some weight, for crying out loud. You look like a sea cow. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

Panda accomplices fully liable

Attention people who have access to Pandas. YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT KIND OF POWER YOU POSSESS. You are like a child that stumbles upon one of the rings from lord of the rings, only instead of a ring it is a FUCKING PANDA. Keep all pandas away from toys and other human objects like cars, hats, and exercise machines. If not, you will be held fully responsible for the damage they inflict.

Oh yeah, and fuck you, Panda.

Mo Monkeys, Mo Problems

Those better be giant fingers, Monkeys. Or you're in real trouble. I'll let you go this time. But if I don't see some article somewhere about a giant 50-foot-tall man going around holding monkeys in his fingers, I'm coming for you, and guess what? HUGGING MY THUMB WILL ONLY GET YOU SO FAR.

Monkey Overkill

Monkey, I've got something to say, and it's about you biting that bar, and it's not going to be pretty.

You know, Monkey, if you had just sat there, like a normal monkey, you would have been cute enough. Hell, you could have even fallen on your back and put all of your arms and legs up in the air, and I would have been fine with it. But biting that bar? Fuck you. Just. Fuck. You.

Taking Kittens Down a Notch

In the name of ALL THAT IS HOLY put that foot down, Kitten! What are you trying to prove? You know what, Kitten? FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR. It might be your world now, Kitten. But you can't stay on top forever.