The scourge of strange looking animals must end!

You know what, Giraffe? You think just because you kind of look like a horse, but have a giant neck and these two weird things between your ears that I have no idea what they are, that you can just get away with coming up to my second story window and eating my toast. But you are WRONG Giraffe. DEAD FUCKING WRONG.

Okay, maybe you can have my toast. But don't you FUCKING DARE touch my banana, Giraffe. You've been warned.

What is this otter trying to prove?

I'm on to you, otter. You can't speak, so why are you putting your fins up to your mouth as if you want to focus your screaming on someone far away? ANSWER THE QUESTION OTTER! There's only one explanation here. You want my heart to melt into a puddle of water. Well, it's not going to work, otter. So you can go to hell.

Over here, Rabbit!

On second thought, you better HOPE you don't look over this way, or you are in REAL FUCKING TROUBLE with your ears and your little bunny nose. You know what, rabbit? DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Just get out of my sight, rabbit. You disgust me.

um, fuck you?

Yeah, YEAH! What? Um, no, I didn't say anything, Lemur. No, who said I said that? I bet it was that FUCKING PENGUIN! You seem cool, lemur. Really. Don't get up. Do you need anything? No? Okay, well if you need anything, you let me know.

Newfie Pups Don't Faze This Motherfucker

You fucking bastard. Why can't both of your eyes be the same size? I'm on to you puppy. You can't stop me. Stay out of my way, you goddamn asshole. And if you EVER put your chin on ANYTHING again, so help me, puppy, so fucking help me...

Elitist Polar Bears

Oh, you think you're better than me, polar bear? Cause when I lay like that it just looks like I am drunk? Well, you can go FUCK YOURSELF. At least I don't walk around rubbing blood off my FUCKING fur in the snow all day! You probably hang out in Starbucks and watch television shows like 30 Rock and Mad Men. WELL FUCK YOU SOCIALIST.

Inaugural Address

GODDAMMIT penguin. You think you are SO FUCKING CUTE. I'll show you, penguin. Maybe not today. But soon, penguin. Watch your adorable fucking back...