What ever happened to the time when being well proportioned was enough for everyone? You know, Secretary Bird, it's pretty easy to prance around on regular rooster legs, I've seen it done quite a bit. But were they good enough for you? No, you had to get GIANT FUCKING LEGS LIKE A GODDAMNED FLAMINGO. Well, you aren't a flamingo, Secretary Bird, you are just a regular bird that traded in its basic decency for a fucking gimmick. Apparently, it wasn't even good enough, because you had to get a shitty job (btw, it should be Assistant Bird, asshole, way to demean yourself). Since you are apparently so good at dictation, you should get ready to take a message: Dear Secretary Bird, comma. Fuck you, period. Sincerely, etc.
52 comments:
I bet it can't type more than 40WPM, either.
Hey Secretary Bird... Did you fax over my forms yet? No of course not... because you're too busy prancing around on your fancy fucking legs...
way to keep your job... asshole
Flamingo? Flamingo? Don't talk to me about flamingos! Hell, you ain't even a roadrunner, fucker...
I've never liked Chickens on Stilts.
Oh and by the way, nice feather pants Secretary Bird. Way to show off those disgusting spindle legs. Take a memo, asshole!
Gorgeous legs, I've never heard about this bird...
Nice legs Ally McBird.
Try a freakin' hambuger.
Dear Secretary Bird, comma. Your giant mangy stilt legs don't impress me. Don't you dare touch my water dish. Don't even think about it. Fuck you, period. Sincerely, Shimmy.
Just like every other flippin secretary. Showin' off her legs and not doing any frackin work!
But I bet the CEO bird is even worse.
Inject that bird with some management DNA, stat! That'll make it as useless and unappealing as all the other birds.
Better yet, get that bird a government job.
Getting sucked in by the turbines of a 747 is too good for you, you toss piece.
Are these legs more or less fancy...just wanting to get noticed?
Daily Gif Blog, multiple posts daily!
DB
Dear Secretary Bird,
You really think you're the cock of the walk, don't you?
BZA is absolutely right. You're just a poor man's flamingo.
I hope you taste delicious because I'm going to find you and eat you.
Regards,
Everyone
OOOHHHH MY KNEES BEND THE OPPOSITE WAY AS EVERYONE ELSE'S!!! OOOOOHHHHHH LOOK AT MEEEEEE!!!
you know what, bird? if you threatened to break your foot off in my ass, i bet it wouldn't even hurt all that bad, i could get it removed by any general practitioner and you'd be left with out a foot.
jokes on you dickbag.
are those pantaloons?? hooray for his mother fucking modesty!
Bird pants are *so* 2004.
You're fired.
All I can think of is James Spader right now. Ahem. Apparently I got a little sidetracked!!
Furiousball - do you realize you typed that out loud?
Dude you rule, you're posts are always entertaining, and I enjoy checking out your blog as one of the first things to do when I start work, but not yet read to really start to work, kinda procrastination. Keep up the posts!
Damn! That bird dresses better than me! It's really good looking! What the hell?! Is it, like, the Cindy Crawford of the bird species with it's leg up to there and the excellent sense of style?!!?! I hate you, bird!!! You make me feel like a SLOB!!!!
My day was just fine until I saw the image of this fucking Secretary Bird. Just look at those legs! Probably more fucking egotistical than a goddamned penguin...
Hold on now. Just a minute, Secretary Bird. I'm I seeing spandex? As in Bike Shorts spandex to the knees of those walking stick legs? Phluueezeeeee. Nobody should wear bike shorts. Not even if you are biking!
Oh, and PS: take a memo: BIRDS DON'T BIKE!
And what about those formal bermuda shorts?! WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?! NICKY FUCKING HILTON?!
Those aren't legs, they're shish kabob skewers...somebody fire up the grill that birds ready for grilling.
Fellas, caution here. This bird is truly bad-ass. Skinny legs and all, this guy has some serious cobra-killing skills. Try to find some video of this guy in action. You will be impressed. I do not recommend a 'Fuck you' here.
Yeah, who do you think you are? Miss Jane and Julia Roberts in one silly feather pile?
Alot of Followers, for Fuck you Secretary Bird, at least one sensible person had sense to put this bird in the right column. How Many animals can go head to head with a cobra and come out on top? Well this kick ass bird is one that does it with a huge win to loss ratio. It may look silly but looks can be deceiving. Underestimate this marvel of evolution at your own peril!
This is the pageant walk for Secretary Bird of the Year. My arse!
I eat pieces of shit like that for breakfast.
Do they make panty hose to fit?
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
NOOOOO!!!!!
http://amolife.com/image/animals/cute-funny-animals.html
If I ever see this so called bird in real life I'm going to kick him in his knee.
I have a great sauce for this type of bird.
Man, congrats. Its the funniest blog ever. Im still trying to get over the lemur entry. Cheers from Brazil.
Apparently Secretary Bird caught the latest episode of "What Not to Wear", hence the bermuda shorts. What's next, a pair of red pumps? Thanks alot, Stacy and Clinton. This is all your fault. Bird's gone all fashionista on us.
Fucking sellout.
Well you know what they say about women with long legs??? Why can't birds have the same privileges???
www.mylifeiscrap.com
So what if the little jerk has long legs. Is it flexible? Can it even reach the fax machine? Who hired it in the first place? Someone call HR!
wow ur all idiots..its just a bird!!!why r u saying random things about a bird...you probably have all this time cuz you have no life...LEAVE THE BIRD ALONE IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow Summergrl....are you somehow related to this lame sauce bird? Is that why you're defending it?
You seem to also have no life since you had time to comment on us all being idiots. Whos the idiot now ahaha. MORON.
I'm with Paul. Here to make sure you properly admire this completely fierce, snake-fighting bird. She might be wearing a sassy outfit, but she is a superhero of the Serengeti!
oh god!! that is a Sincere form of Flattery!!
i haven't Laffed this hard on the net in Ages*
;))
Memo
To: Human Resources
From: Secretary Bird
Date: March 4, 2009
Re: Harassment
I'm writing to complain about the "Fuck You, Penguin" blog. Their continuous nasty comments about my physical appearance are completely inappropriate and are causing me great distress. I am unable to perform my secretarial duties and I would like you to take immediate action or I will have to elevate this complaint to a higher level.
VTY
Sec. Bird
I like its pants though.
That goof has nothing on my chicks:
http://3chixaday.blogspot.com/
EW....just EW.
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