I get it, Whale, you're busy. I've only been on this FUCKING BOAT for three and a half hours waiting for you, and the only thing I've seen so far is my lunch from earlier. It's not like you spend your entire goddamn life in the ocean, so I see why you would only come up for basically a split second. Personally, if someone was going to all this trouble specifically to see me, I would take time out of my BUSY ASS SCHEDULE to at least stop by the boat and make some small talk, maybe have some salmon. But I understand, Whale, places to go, 500 pounds of food to eat. I'll be fine. The real question here, Whale, is will you be fine? Can you really live with yourself? Maybe you need to make a change.
I went whale watching once, and I think the whales were purposefully mocking us from about 50 feet below the surface. These fat bastards think they're the elite of the oceans, and treat us like paparrazi swine. Well you know what Whale? Fuck you, that's what!
ReplyDeletebest. blog. ever.
ReplyDeleteclearly my new favorite blog. YES.
ReplyDeleteWhales have an enlarged ego. Ever since "Free Willy" they think they're the shit. Especially those orca bastards. Fuck orcas. They are so fucking vein. They should spend a day in a sperm whale's shoes and see how it feels to be ugly bastards.
ReplyDeleteWhales are selfish manipulative bastards...acting all extinct, like oooooh save me, save me!
ReplyDeleteFuck you whale.
Whales... who needs them!
ReplyDelete(asshole...!)
ReplyDeleteSpecifically this is an ORCA whale, native to the Puget Sound. Also known as killer whales. Very rare to see. I've lived in the NW for over twenty years and only have seen two orcas, and I'm on that San Juan Island ferry all the fucking time. FUCK YOU, ORCA!
ReplyDeleteFuck you! You shiny-ass lipless bastard, go eat some fucking plankton.
ReplyDeleteI really miss justalittleguy.blogspot.com.
ReplyDeleteWhat sort of self respecting mammal drinks water that fish have shat in?
ReplyDeleteYou ain't all that, Orca. Bite me.
Wait a minute...what's that I see in the background? A Japanese tuna boat?
ReplyDeleteSay good-fucking night, Gracie.
This is my favorite one to date.
ReplyDeletebrilliant hahaha
ReplyDeleteMy friend let his hippie wife buy a little fart of a dog, and then name it Orca. Cuz she lurvs them whales.
ReplyDeleteand you know what else? my fucking can of tuna tasted a whole lot better when those arrogant jagoffs where mooshed-up in there!
ReplyDeleteWhat I'd like to know is where the fuck this DOLPHIN gets off calling itself a WHALE in the first place. A toothy cetacean does not a whale make. Asshole.
ReplyDeleteAlso, call that a "song"? I don't fucking think so. My ears are bleeding. Who do you think you are, whale? Britney fucking Spears?
ReplyDeleteI'm not angry. I'm just so damn disappointed.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete"Fuck you!" No, no, FUCK YOU!
Looks like a fuckin' sea Zebra. Or a gang banger in a wetsuit. "Yo, look out, I'm da gangsta killa whale". Fuck you Willie. You're gonna chill in a net soon enough. Those Asian fisherman don't give a shit. You're worth what you weigh, fatso.
ReplyDeleteAll these whales can $uck my Moby Dick
ReplyDeletethat fat whale bastard.
ReplyDeleteI hate whales, but at least they're not dolphins. FUCK DOLPHINS! Stupid fish.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOH, be kind - he's just a giant fish who would rather be a panda bear.
ReplyDeleteThink of it like the sea version of the cat lady. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jocelyn_Wildenstein
and what's with the built-in mask? who does he think he is? a fucking bandit? like no one would notice that fat bastard trying to rob a bank.
ReplyDeletei mean he LOOKS LIKE A COP CAR!!!
oh and BEST BLOG EVER.
Like you, FYP, I went whale watching off the Gloucester coast. I was looking so hard for signs of whale activity, I almost saw my own lunch again. Finally, some whales did show up for work.
ReplyDeleteDid you know that the whale's tail is called a fluke? I guess that's because it was a FLUKE we even saw you out cavorting in the big ocean, giving us the whale tail symbol of the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate!
Hey, we paid good money to come see you, and you give us the flip-off? Is that any way to run a capitalist enterprise, Whale? I mean don't you have the slightest clue about customer service? Whaz up, whale? You think dissin' your customer is gonna get you flying around in customized jets with those special tanks for endangered species?
Y'gotta please the customer, whale, that's they way the whole free enterprise thing works. Y'think I owe you something, whale? How about the friggin' $35 bucks I shelled out just to see you? I'm never going to shop in your ocean again, and I'm going to tell all my friends to do the same!
Well, you can't trust someone dressed in black and white... there's a reason those were prison colours. Fuckin' whales... Free Willy? I think not. Send Willy to the chair? You fuckin' betcha!
ReplyDeleteWhale, your fucking dorsal fin would look and taste great in my soup. The eskimos can have your blubber.
ReplyDeleteHan Solo thought you smelled bad on the outside...
This beautiful whale is an evil prima donna. Just phoning it in.
ReplyDeleteYou're killing me! Love the blog.
ReplyDeletesave the whales? no, fuck the whales.
ReplyDeletetry a beluga whale...canadian beluga whale..they are attention whores
ReplyDeleteSomewhere a whale is laughing at you
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA FTW stands for fuck the whales and for the win. FTW FTW
ReplyDeleteYou what? You claim you're just big boned and all you eat is salad. Liar.
ReplyDeleteI should have known. Of course, the products panda has gotten to the orca, too. Must be a black and white unity thing. We know you're a dolphin, orca, you aren't fooling anyone. Wait, most of the commentary indicates buying into your lie about being a "killer" whale. You're just another douchebag dolphin, and hawking cheap dresses and fake watches from Chinese panda won't change anything. Do the world a favor and beach yourself in search of penguin. Lying dickhead tool!
ReplyDeleteMan, I completely agree with this. On a boat for hours trying to see whales and then one popped up on the opposite side of the boat and by the time I ran over there it was gone and never came back.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Orca's are not whales they are technically dolphins. So, fuck you dolphin!
a killer whale is actually a dolphin, not a whale!!!
ReplyDelete