Friday, February 27, 2009

Regular legs aren't good enough for this cocky asshole


What ever happened to the time when being well proportioned was enough for everyone? You know, Secretary Bird, it's pretty easy to prance around on regular rooster legs, I've seen it done quite a bit. But were they good enough for you? No, you had to get GIANT FUCKING LEGS LIKE A GODDAMNED FLAMINGO. Well, you aren't a flamingo, Secretary Bird, you are just a regular bird that traded in its basic decency for a fucking gimmick. Apparently, it wasn't even good enough, because you had to get a shitty job (btw, it should be Assistant Bird, asshole, way to demean yourself). Since you are apparently so good at dictation, you should get ready to take a message: Dear Secretary Bird, comma. Fuck you, period. Sincerely, etc.
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52 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 27, 2009 at 7:40 AM

    I bet it can't type more than 40WPM, either.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 27, 2009 at 7:47 AM

    Hey Secretary Bird... Did you fax over my forms yet? No of course not... because you're too busy prancing around on your fancy fucking legs...
    way to keep your job... asshole

    ReplyDelete
  3. DHFebruary 27, 2009 at 7:47 AM

    Flamingo? Flamingo? Don't talk to me about flamingos! Hell, you ain't even a roadrunner, fucker...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Will NiccollsFebruary 27, 2009 at 7:49 AM

    I've never liked Chickens on Stilts.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jessica MooneyFebruary 27, 2009 at 7:50 AM

    Oh and by the way, nice feather pants Secretary Bird. Way to show off those disgusting spindle legs. Take a memo, asshole!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousFebruary 27, 2009 at 7:59 AM

    Gorgeous legs, I've never heard about this bird...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Life With DogsFebruary 27, 2009 at 8:07 AM

    Nice legs Ally McBird.

    Try a freakin' hambuger.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ShimmyFebruary 27, 2009 at 8:08 AM

    Dear Secretary Bird, comma. Your giant mangy stilt legs don't impress me. Don't you dare touch my water dish. Don't even think about it. Fuck you, period. Sincerely, Shimmy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. dcgrrlFebruary 27, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    Just like every other flippin secretary. Showin' off her legs and not doing any frackin work!

    ReplyDelete
  10. WalterFebruary 27, 2009 at 8:35 AM

    But I bet the CEO bird is even worse.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Joan of Argghh!February 27, 2009 at 8:40 AM

    Inject that bird with some management DNA, stat! That'll make it as useless and unappealing as all the other birds.

    Better yet, get that bird a government job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mark SandersonFebruary 27, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    Getting sucked in by the turbines of a 747 is too good for you, you toss piece.

    ReplyDelete
  13. DoublebankerFebruary 27, 2009 at 8:54 AM

    Are these legs more or less fancy...just wanting to get noticed?

    Daily Gif Blog, multiple posts daily!

    DB

    ReplyDelete
  14. JFebruary 27, 2009 at 9:19 AM

    Dear Secretary Bird,

    You really think you're the cock of the walk, don't you?

    BZA is absolutely right. You're just a poor man's flamingo.

    I hope you taste delicious because I'm going to find you and eat you.


    Regards,
    Everyone

    ReplyDelete
  15. lucasFebruary 27, 2009 at 9:23 AM

    OOOHHHH MY KNEES BEND THE OPPOSITE WAY AS EVERYONE ELSE'S!!! OOOOOHHHHHH LOOK AT MEEEEEE!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. furiousBallFebruary 27, 2009 at 9:47 AM

    you know what, bird? if you threatened to break your foot off in my ass, i bet it wouldn't even hurt all that bad, i could get it removed by any general practitioner and you'd be left with out a foot.

    jokes on you dickbag.

    ReplyDelete
  17. shazzamFebruary 27, 2009 at 9:49 AM

    are those pantaloons?? hooray for his mother fucking modesty!

    ReplyDelete
  18. MameFebruary 27, 2009 at 10:13 AM

    Bird pants are *so* 2004.

    You're fired.

    ReplyDelete
  19. kingstreetfarmFebruary 27, 2009 at 10:31 AM

    All I can think of is James Spader right now. Ahem. Apparently I got a little sidetracked!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. grisly remainsFebruary 27, 2009 at 10:49 AM

    Furiousball - do you realize you typed that out loud?

    ReplyDelete
  21. mmathesonFebruary 27, 2009 at 10:56 AM

    Dude you rule, you're posts are always entertaining, and I enjoy checking out your blog as one of the first things to do when I start work, but not yet read to really start to work, kinda procrastination. Keep up the posts!

    ReplyDelete
  22. UnknownFebruary 27, 2009 at 11:23 AM

    Damn! That bird dresses better than me! It's really good looking! What the hell?! Is it, like, the Cindy Crawford of the bird species with it's leg up to there and the excellent sense of style?!!?! I hate you, bird!!! You make me feel like a SLOB!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. geomantic8February 27, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    My day was just fine until I saw the image of this fucking Secretary Bird. Just look at those legs! Probably more fucking egotistical than a goddamned penguin...

    ReplyDelete
  24. AllgaulFebruary 27, 2009 at 12:42 PM

    Hold on now. Just a minute, Secretary Bird. I'm I seeing spandex? As in Bike Shorts spandex to the knees of those walking stick legs? Phluueezeeeee. Nobody should wear bike shorts. Not even if you are biking!
    Oh, and PS: take a memo: BIRDS DON'T BIKE!

    ReplyDelete
  25. kikiFebruary 27, 2009 at 1:42 PM

    And what about those formal bermuda shorts?! WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?! NICKY FUCKING HILTON?!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dr. NoFebruary 27, 2009 at 1:50 PM

    Those aren't legs, they're shish kabob skewers...somebody fire up the grill that birds ready for grilling.

    ReplyDelete
  27. whodoubeFebruary 27, 2009 at 3:06 PM

    Fellas, caution here. This bird is truly bad-ass. Skinny legs and all, this guy has some serious cobra-killing skills. Try to find some video of this guy in action. You will be impressed. I do not recommend a 'Fuck you' here.

    ReplyDelete
  28. capebreton902February 27, 2009 at 3:29 PM

    Yeah, who do you think you are? Miss Jane and Julia Roberts in one silly feather pile?

    ReplyDelete
  29. UnknownFebruary 27, 2009 at 11:01 PM

    Alot of Followers, for Fuck you Secretary Bird, at least one sensible person had sense to put this bird in the right column. How Many animals can go head to head with a cobra and come out on top? Well this kick ass bird is one that does it with a huge win to loss ratio. It may look silly but looks can be deceiving. Underestimate this marvel of evolution at your own peril!

    ReplyDelete
  30. yarravillewahineFebruary 28, 2009 at 12:03 AM

    This is the pageant walk for Secretary Bird of the Year. My arse!

    ReplyDelete
  31. PogueFebruary 28, 2009 at 6:20 AM

    I eat pieces of shit like that for breakfast.

    ReplyDelete
  32. NowAPiscesFebruary 28, 2009 at 8:07 AM

    Do they make panty hose to fit?

    ReplyDelete
  33. UnknownFebruary 28, 2009 at 8:45 AM

    You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

    ReplyDelete
  34. JodyFebruary 28, 2009 at 9:40 AM

    NOOOOO!!!!!

    http://amolife.com/image/animals/cute-funny-animals.html

    ReplyDelete
  35. get in hereFebruary 28, 2009 at 11:21 AM

    If I ever see this so called bird in real life I'm going to kick him in his knee.

    ReplyDelete
  36. JeffFebruary 28, 2009 at 7:34 PM

    I have a great sauce for this type of bird.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Piano BlackFebruary 28, 2009 at 8:08 PM

    Man, congrats. Its the funniest blog ever. Im still trying to get over the lemur entry. Cheers from Brazil.

    ReplyDelete
  38. IrlandeseFebruary 28, 2009 at 9:50 PM

    Apparently Secretary Bird caught the latest episode of "What Not to Wear", hence the bermuda shorts. What's next, a pair of red pumps? Thanks alot, Stacy and Clinton. This is all your fault. Bird's gone all fashionista on us.

    Fucking sellout.

    ReplyDelete
  39. R E DMarch 1, 2009 at 7:38 AM

    Well you know what they say about women with long legs??? Why can't birds have the same privileges???

    www.mylifeiscrap.com

    ReplyDelete
  40. WR March 1, 2009 at 8:42 AM

    So what if the little jerk has long legs. Is it flexible? Can it even reach the fax machine? Who hired it in the first place? Someone call HR!

    ReplyDelete
  41. FreakNastyMarch 1, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  42. AnonymousMarch 1, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    wow ur all idiots..its just a bird!!!why r u saying random things about a bird...you probably have all this time cuz you have no life...LEAVE THE BIRD ALONE IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. Heather WayMarch 1, 2009 at 1:48 PM

    Wow Summergrl....are you somehow related to this lame sauce bird? Is that why you're defending it?

    ReplyDelete
  44. UnknownMarch 1, 2009 at 1:59 PM

    You seem to also have no life since you had time to comment on us all being idiots. Whos the idiot now ahaha. MORON.

    ReplyDelete
  45. JennaMarch 1, 2009 at 2:21 PM

    I'm with Paul. Here to make sure you properly admire this completely fierce, snake-fighting bird. She might be wearing a sassy outfit, but she is a superhero of the Serengeti!

    ReplyDelete
  46. BillyWarholMarch 1, 2009 at 10:54 PM

    oh god!! that is a Sincere form of Flattery!!

    i haven't Laffed this hard on the net in Ages*

    ;))

    ReplyDelete
  47. SpaceckMarch 4, 2009 at 8:37 PM

    Memo

    To: Human Resources
    From: Secretary Bird
    Date: March 4, 2009
    Re: Harassment

    I'm writing to complain about the "Fuck You, Penguin" blog. Their continuous nasty comments about my physical appearance are completely inappropriate and are causing me great distress. I am unable to perform my secretarial duties and I would like you to take immediate action or I will have to elevate this complaint to a higher level.

    VTY
    Sec. Bird

    ReplyDelete
  48. AnonymousMarch 27, 2009 at 8:44 AM

    I like its pants though.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Josh ElliottMay 8, 2009 at 6:17 PM

    That goof has nothing on my chicks:
    http://3chixaday.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  50. nltismeMay 20, 2009 at 6:13 PM

    EW....just EW.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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