The long-arm craze that has been sweeping the monkey world has finally gotten out of control, and this gibbon is the direct result of that sad scandalous trend that mixed primates, plastic surgery, and international intrigue (loosely). He has basically sunk into the kind of deep depression the people at The Fake Institute (TFI) were talking about a few weeks ago when this trend hit its peak.
Why would you do that to yourself, Gibbon? Didn't you know that the name "gibbon" is already hilarious? You even have a funny hairdo! Don't even pretend like you aren't disappointed in yourself and it's me you're worried about. I've dealt with far worse on a monkey, I can take it. I know you realize deep down that this was a mistake. The question is what happens when the next trend is making tools out of sticks? Are you going to be eating ants like everyone else? You're all out of whack, Gibbon, and it's just not cool anymore. It's time to part ways, I'll see you in twenty years on VH1.
I was wondering when we would be hearing about this. It makes me so angry I could single-handedly break those long,disgusting,gibbon arms of every single gibbon-around the entire world! Is that what you want, Gibbon? Really?!
ReplyDeleteI went to junior high with a red-hair guy whose arms hung long enough that his hands reached well past his knees. It took me a lot of staring before I figured that out, which I'm sure he appreciated.
ReplyDeleteThe guy was quite orangutan-looking.
I wonder where he is now...
Pearl
I think what that monkey's trying to say is, "hi! I'm Martin Van Buren, eighth president of the United States! I was born in Kinderhook, New York!"
ReplyDeleteWow, that is one long arm.
ReplyDeleteSorry Gibbon - you don't even get to lump yourself in with the monkeys, since in reality you are one of the lesser apes. That's right, Gibbon - LESSER apes.
ReplyDeleteWhat is going on with reverse Abraham Lincoln beard thing?
ReplyDeletePoor. long-armed gibbon. I think he's just misunderstood.
ReplyDeleteAnd incredibly disturbing with those freakish long arms.
Ann Coulter + Silverback = gibbon
ReplyDeletejust him pop a Zani and call it a day
ReplyDeletelove,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
Yes, but look at those BIG hands! I'd bet he's popular in the monkey world as a massage therapist.
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say about long arms...
ReplyDeleteBig handed bitch.
ReplyDeleteWell, he doesn't look very happy...
ReplyDeleteThat 'far worse on a monkey' link was the best! Where do you find this stuff?
ReplyDeleteIf I had black hair and white lambchop sideburns I don't think I'd leave the house, much less sit in publicly accessible trees with ridiculous arms that could serve as train crossing gates.
ReplyDeleteyes, Gibbons are so yesterday; very confusing to tailors with the cuffs, due to the over-large hands, and hemming the tail-hole is always a bother.
ReplyDeleteI really wish that I could wrap my arms around my entire body like that fucking gibbon.
ReplyDeletePro side: never having to buy a bamboo back scratcher
ReplyDeleteCon side: being constantly mistaken for Popeye's Olive Oyl
Gibbon - did you watch too many cartoons? Kind of like the human Barbie women but different...
love your blog name, i do. xx
ReplyDeleteYour arms would be elongated too if you wrote The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire (six volumes) in longhand. And really, shaving would seem so anti-climatic after that.
ReplyDeleteGibbons are not monkeys.
ReplyDeleteThey're apes. Like us.
yeah, monkeys have tails. it is easy to tell, just look for a tail. fuck you, fuck you penguin.
ReplyDeleteLook, the last ape I dated who had big hands like that also had an enormous talliwacker. Last I heard, he went down south and grew out his hair. So I ask you, Gibbon, are you really my ex? Don't worry, I won't tell your mom. She'd be mortified that you were modeling again.
ReplyDeleteits lonely at the top.....people suck anyways
ReplyDeletegood thing my traps will kill anyone who tries to reach me up here
FU....Penguin do you know how long it took me to get those two tuffs of white along my cheeks to look even!!!! even? I had to go to see the same LA hairdresseer as Lindsay Lohammmmm...FU and your 80's jokes Penguin. I haven't seen you take that Tux off in years.
ReplyDeletePeace
JB
this is a white-cheeked gibbon - a male, btw. The females are a light tan color. (And yes, the girls' arms are JUST as ridiculously long.)
ReplyDeletei fuckin' love this blog. lololol
ReplyDeleteThem arms be fugly.
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