You want a piece of me, Hyrax? I will fucking destroy you. Oh, your closest living relative is the elephant? An animal that is afraid of a mouse? Well guess what, pussy, I share a bunch of DNA with the chimpanzee. They don't even get mad, they store that shit in their heads and make a plan, Hyrax. And then they fucking play for keeps. Just like me, Hyrax. Just like me.
So you think I'm afraid of your vampire teeth and poorly developed internal temperature regulation? No fucking way, Hyrax. So get a couple of your buddies, a makeshift knife, and some pillowcases and meet me in fifteen minutes. Because it's fucking on, Hyrax. Oghadisthatababyonyou? And another one? How come they look so creepy and yet so disgustingly cute? WHAT DO THEY KNOW THAT I DON'T KNOW. Oh, no. THEY ARE MULTIPLYING.
You win this round, Hyrax. You can have my apple. Just don't let them bring western civilization to its knees.
Hyrax sounds like a really strong medicine you need to take, ya know, after being bit by snarky little viper teeth, say. These things have creeped me out since my very first mammal books. They're like saber-toothed guinea pigs. I'm stumped. So are their fangs, apparently.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't fuck with him if I were you. He looks mean-cute.
ReplyDeleteOooh, you a mean lookin m'fucker!!! But seriously, Hyrax, you gotta loose some weight, man. That shit's just not healthy. Those teeth are bad-ass but kinda useless given your rotund frame, don't you think? I mean, what are you gonna do?! Jump up at me and go straight for the jugular?! I thinks not.
ReplyDeleteIt's got teeth . . . like this.
ReplyDeleteThat fucker looks exactly like my high school Geometry teacher.
ReplyDeleteJust a couple more permutations until the Hyrax version of a Rat-King. Then we're really F***ed.
ReplyDeleteHe also has a lightsaber in a paw, they shouldn't crop the picture. GO JEDI!
ReplyDeleteWeren't you named after an oreo cookie brand lookalike? and that's supposed to scare me?
ReplyDeleteLMAO! Damn. A mofo with mad skillZ, that Hyrax.
ReplyDeleteThis must have been Python's inspiration for the killer bunny.
ReplyDeleteI'm totally not intimidated by those teeth because they look just like my first girlfriend's before she got her braces. Yeah. Last year was awesome.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. I can't really say anything else! :)
ReplyDeleteDamn smug hyrax babies. Who gave them their name, Dr Seuss?
ReplyDeleteTake a look at yourself, Hyrax. Have you ever heard of an eyebrow trimmer? What a loser.
ReplyDeleteThere are more!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.flickr.com/photos/15531225@N03/1853137390/
Related to the elephant? Says who? These low-class animals are always claiming famous relations
ReplyDelete"Dumbo?Oh yeah, he my cousin."
Yeah right. If he was all that, he could afford braces.
I bet you - like me - have often wondered would happen of Nosferatu shagged a guinea pig. Well, now we know...
ReplyDeleteSplinter? Is that YOU??
ReplyDeleteOk, by the looks you, I'm thinking some rodent somewhere fucked a close relative.
ReplyDeleteNobody sees Pacey in that face? Bit of the ole D.C. Paceyfacey? No?
ReplyDeleteshit. Patrick Swayze missed the Hyrax post. Thats sad.
ReplyDeletetoo soon, peedee, too soon!
ReplyDeleteOh no that picture... Not so close, please!
ReplyDeleteGive me a fucking break. Overweight common garden variety rat with fake Halloween vampire teeth. Big fucking deal. What? Those ARE it's teeth? You have to be fucking kidding me 'cause them are some first class fucked up fangs, right?
ReplyDeleteThis fucker can't fly, can it? Cause that'd suck, seriously.
Careful folks...this guy's day job is as an IRS auditor!
ReplyDeleteThey are tribbles, I tell you!
ReplyDeleteHyrax, why are you so MAD? Don't be angry, it's totally not a good look for you. Do you see the giant frown line forming? Anger isn't supposed to be pushed down deeper into a box that lives in your stomach. Get some counselling, Hyrax, don't hold the anger in. God, I'm totally stressed just looking at you.
ReplyDeleteThis creature looks like the Disney creature who seems evil at first glance, then turns out to be the good_creature_you_didn't_expect_because_it_looks_evil.
ReplyDeletewhatever about the teeth...the look in the eys of the threesome is downright scray! They are planning something man...and you are IT!!!
ReplyDeleteI haven't laughed so hard in a while!
ReplyDeleteI just wrote "Bad Apple Employee? 3 Steps to Take"-
ReplyDelete(1)Get rid of them.
(2)Get rid of them.
(3)Get rid of them.
But it would have been SO awesome to throw a Hyrax in this dude's car as he drove away.
Uh, hydrax. I called the elephants and after I got transferred like, 30 times, their rep came on and was all like, "No comment."
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, I could hear all this shouting in the background and this whirring sound like a bunch of paper shredders working overtime.
*backs away with hands up*
So, you know. I don't know what to tell you. The internet is *forever*, dude.
What mindfuckery is this? First I thought "not cute at all".. and the longer I looked, the more you grew on me. Now I want to take you home and cuddle you till you pass out. Damn you.
ReplyDeleteThat last set of babies looks way too smug. They need to be told.
ReplyDeleteI think you found the lead character in the next movie of the Twilight Series
ReplyDeleteI kicked a hyrax in the thorax, then I filled his mouth with Borax.
ReplyDeleteFucker went and died, so I went and cried. Actually, I lied.
you are fucking brilliant; i have not laughed so hard as i did when i picked up your book at borders. you are twistedly brilliant. your work truly is among the ranks of swift's 'modest proposal', and i have a new homepage ;)
ReplyDelete"Hyrax" . . . seriously? What, did your parents name you after some Greek warrior and give you those fake fucking teeth so nobody would bully you? Well guess what, I looked that shit up and your name means "shrewmouse" - haha dumbass! Lose the lame-o scowl and take those things out of your face before I shave you and smash your WOW action figures and stick the pieces in your ears.
ReplyDeleteso you're saying i shouldn't go through with the vampire mold my dental surgeon is working on?
ReplyDeleteps i love you
I would like to grease this animal, set him on fire and throw him into my neighbors home.
ReplyDeleteOkay heheh this is officially fucking funny. I've been rummaging and rummaging to find blogs that are actually consistently funny. This is blog is an incarnation of how my brain works. Lol awesome job. Check my ridiculous out if you'd like...
ReplyDeletehttp://roflopagosisland.blogspot.com
I read once that AC/DC really only wrote one song, but that was one kickass fucking song! This is your greatest entry of all time. Solid fucking gold. I can't stop reading and laughing. You win this round, Penguin fucker!
ReplyDeleteHahaha I just love the fact that you called it a pussy. Maybe it was the fact that in my head it was said in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice. "Stop whining you pussy!"
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAMAZING HYRAX FACTS:
ReplyDelete(1) If you want to keep kosher, you cannot eat a hyrax. (They don't really have the wrong kind of hooves, but long ago people thought they did, the relevant proscriptions were never updated.)
(2) Spain was named "Land of the Hyraxes" when Phoenecians saw rabbits there and mistook them for hyraxes. That name for Spain was latinized as "Hispania."
There are plenty of Youtube movies of hyraxes being good pets, running off baboons, etc.
I peed in a horse once.
ReplyDeletewhat a meanie looking teeth...i seem to remember someone with the same set of teeth....
ReplyDeleteI'm with you, this fuck needs to die.
ReplyDeleteHyrax can eat its weight in porch meat.
ReplyDeleteHyrax sounds like a really strong medicine you need to take, ya know, after being bit by snarky little viper teeth, say. These things have creeped me out since my very first mammal books. They're like saber-toothed guinea pigs. I'm stumped. So are their fangs, apparently.SB Nike dunk
ReplyDeleteSEO and techniques of search engine, this blog interested in improving search results for sites and forums, blogging and proper scientific methods to make search engines in few days, too, get visitors from search engines Google and the other, to improve search results and SEO SEO. تحسين نتائج البحث
ReplyDeleteأخبار منتديات بانوراما مصر
aye!? hyrax!? what the fuck are you looking at? huh? what you think this shit is funny? are you laugh... are you f u c k i n g laughing at ME?!! Oh FUCK you man. no, NO, FUCK YOU to hell brah! yeah that's right, BITCH. I said it, now what trick. whatcha gonna do faggot?! yeah that's right, that's what i thought. all talk and no fucking game. yeah, walk away pussy. Walk away like that bitch i did last night walks her thick ass to the bus stop... IN the suburbs.
ReplyDeleteRelated to the elephant? Says who? These low-class animals are always claiming famous relations
ReplyDeleteOne Day One Deal