There's nothing more obnoxious than a fake animal that tries to pass itself off as an authentic member of the animal world. Puffins are maybe the biggest offenders when it comes to this, even going so far as to pretend to take pictures with humans and hang out in places like Iceland where no normal person can confirm that they were really there. (Like Iceland is a real place, anyway. "Björk" is from there!) Take a look at this clearly computer generated motherfucker above. Of course, he tries to blend into the scenery by standing by a rock in some grass, but do you see it? The only shadow is from the rock. IF YOU'RE SO REAL, PUFFIN, WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING SHADOW. Busted, Puffin. Now go back to living inside a fucking 8-year-old girl's head.
A Puffin is like the unicorn of the penguin world. Pure fiction.
ReplyDeleteThey should at least have chosen a face that looks like a bird. YOUR FAKE FACE DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A BIRD, PUFFIN. It's like they are not even trying. And look at those feet, bright orange?? it's either cheap plastic or a graphic designer with no aesthetics. The rock looks more alive than you Puffin.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of name is Puffin anyway?
ReplyDeleteWhat's even worse is this thing's fashion sense. Who puts black, white and grey together with ORANGE and RED?? Attention whores, that's who. Lemme tell you something Puffin: We're not buying it! I bet underneith all of that you're just some plain, uninteresting and unattractive loser with a dumb fake beak, trying to be interesting... LOSER.
ReplyDeleteyour posts are soo funny!
ReplyDeleteWTF? Is this piece of shit something from "Pimp my Duck"? Yeah baby, the modeling runway waits for you! At the end of that runway is my shotgun.
ReplyDeleteAnd lay off the damn eyeliner, you whore.
ReplyDeleteA puffin is something that happens in the bathroom of the manhole and other places the gays congregate.
ReplyDeleteIt is not a fake.
ReplyDeleteThe amazing camera operates faster than the speed of light, so the Puffin's shadow didn't have time to land before the shot was taken. The rock, however, had been there for a while.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Stupid plastic puffins all over the world.... who is the mastermind behind this ridiculous hoax???
ReplyDeleteCould it be the notorious Sean "PUFFY" Combs?!?!?
The puffin's eyes look like it's pleading for mercy. You won't get any from me!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately Puffins are real - I have seen them in Maine...they are pretty fucked up looking - maybe they should make like lemmings and die. Why doesn't someone post a picture of a lemming?
ReplyDeleteIs that your cousin on the Froot Loops boxes, puffin?
ReplyDeleteC'mon, everybody! It's just a seagull with a headpiece! Stupid flying rat seagulls looking for a new way to get some attention. Now there's a bird that should be made extinct-Yeah, YOU seagulls, flying around our parking lots 50 miles inland-If I ever see one of you in a Puffin headpiece, I swear, I WILL run you down at the Target!
ReplyDeleteCome on folks. Equating Puffin's with whores based on their color scheme is quite offensive. I personally love orange, black, grey, red and white combined and I am not a whore. I also think eye liner is quite exotic. Plus, if I was a whore, I would not deserve to be insulted. What is wrong with being a prostitute or a sex lover or whatever? Can we not find a more valid reason to hate the Puffin?
ReplyDeletePuffin Hoax?...Ummmm more like a puffin WHORE! and no, I'm not jealous so shut up.
ReplyDeletePuffins can't fly and most of them live in Iceland. Fail! Back to the land of herring and Bjork, you.
ReplyDeletei eat their cereal.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.worldpantry.com/cgi-bin/ncommerce3/CategoryDisplay?cgmenbr=587770&cgrfnbr=881894
fuckers all had me wanting to buy a cute little stuffed puffin. i'm so glad i saw this - i almost fell for it. puffin indeed. so fake.
This site is outstanding; I am hooked. Oh yea, I hate puffins too - something to do with the 80's and Bloom County.
ReplyDeletegive it credit for the name, though. puffin? that's slick. he just needs a little bling and you'd have to take him off the list.
ReplyDeletethat puffin is just a scene from that movie never back down
ReplyDeleteI am a puffin. And I am offended. And real.
ReplyDeleteI've been suspicious of the Puffin ever since I was a kid and got those National Geographic trading cards free in the mail.
ReplyDeleteIt's not really a puffin...somebody Photoshop'd a duck,a penguin, and a toucan together, and voila...Puffin the Magic Icelandic Bird...
ReplyDeleteangelapoe said...
ReplyDeleteI am a puffin. And I am offended. And real.
Let me be the first to apologize.
That fucking Puffin is going on my table next Thanksgiving. I better not find a fucking Reebok Pump up your ass, Puffin, acting like you're so meaty and deliciously tender.
ReplyDeleteI thought Puffin was Hugh Heffner. No? Hmmm. I stand corrected.
ReplyDeletegee guys. they really aren't that cute this time of year. color fades and fru fru feathers are shed after mating season. all 3 puffin species fly, swim and dig. great divers!!! think you are confusing them penguins (who are very very cute) funny blog. love it!
ReplyDeleteI actually live in Newfoundland, where these non-birds are supposedly from, and they're trying to perpetrate the scam even here! I've been on boat tours around Bird Island, and saw hundreds of them flying off the cliff and into the water. I was almost fooled! Then one of them landed on the boat with a thud. It was a painted rock! They hire locals to hide out on top of the cliff and throw these painted rocks down, as the tour boats pass by! Sly bastards!
ReplyDeleteThat puffin owes me money
ReplyDeleteDon't be so mean to teh cute puffin, you just wished you had one in your room next to your books ;)
ReplyDeletebrilliant!
ReplyDeleteI got one word for ya:
ReplyDelete"TURDUFFIN!"
YOU PEOPLE ARE FUCKING ASSHOLES> PUFFINS ARE THE BEST ANIMALS EVER< SUCK DICKS JERK OFFS!
ReplyDeleteDamn fake birds...
ReplyDeleteNext thing you know they will try to make us celebrate national puffin day!
puffins are tranny parrots
ReplyDeleteActually, I went to Iceland. All over the country. It's real. And you know what? Not a single puffin to be seen. Not one. Well, I mean, there were magnets and hats and stuffed animals, but unicorns have those too.
ReplyDeleteWe have puffins in Maine. Truly. They are real --- more real than Tom Cruise's aliens.
ReplyDeleteWherever did you get the name Puffin?
ReplyDeleteparty supplies for college students