Saturday, December 6, 2008

Squirrels that try to be productive members of society can suck it


You little fucker, you think you can just fucking waltz into our lives like nothing ever happened, but I know your kind, Squirrel. I turn my back for one second and you are causing power outages and breaking the noses of Finnish opera singers. So just go back to being hunched over nibbling on an acorn in my backyard, because you can stand there waiting for an invitation to my Christmas party all you want, IT'S NOT GOING TO COME. You may have found my weakness for animals that stand on two legs, but I'm smarter than you, Squirrel. And I will defeat you.
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16 comments:

  1. lookitsjuliaDecember 6, 2008 at 10:49 AM

    Seriously, this blog made my fucking day. You are my favorite person.

    And I'm about to tell it to the picture of the GD adorable rare jungle cat that is my wallpaper.

    Because he deserves it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousDecember 6, 2008 at 3:10 PM

    just added you to my blogroll
    here is my blog your link is on the right side

    http://vadgebadger.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. AngryPirateDecember 11, 2008 at 9:50 AM

    This Squirrel appears to have anticipated this picture coming, as every hair and whisker are in-place and looking very groomed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. David D.December 12, 2008 at 11:17 AM

    Your blog is fantastic. It is like Pure Internet Thought. Bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Saad Ali AbbasiDecember 12, 2008 at 2:30 PM

    hahahah hilarious stuff! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousDecember 12, 2008 at 3:38 PM

    Dude, those motherfuckers tried to steal my wallet once, no lie!

    ReplyDelete
  7. KatiDecember 13, 2008 at 11:26 AM

    Once when I was a poor student a squirrel brazenly hopped up to me and STOLE MY LUNCH, right out of my f'n hands...I HATE them, those rabid little thieving f'rs.

    Thanks for getting the truth out there.

    ReplyDelete
  8. ruggerDecember 16, 2008 at 11:10 PM

    Holy shit! Your site finally got me motivated enough to rip off my shirt and scream at my wife's terrier for like an hour straight! Here's to giving these uppity sons of bitches their just desserts.

    ReplyDelete
  9. MizK8December 17, 2008 at 9:25 AM

    I hate these little fuckers! I have birdfeeders and I've seen these assholes jump 8-10' from trees to steal my seed. The only cute one is a dead one in the road. Rock on Penguin! Love this site!

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousDecember 17, 2008 at 10:34 AM

    this post is amazing! we're always making fun of squirrels on thehappygoat.com - so this definitely made my day!

    ReplyDelete
  11. BnawteeDecember 17, 2008 at 12:42 PM

    These little gray spawn of Satan made their way into my apartment walls, chewed through the hot water line in four different places, and over the weekend I had a freaking waterfall in my garage.

    Anyone got a recipe for Squirrel Stew handy?

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownDecember 18, 2008 at 1:01 PM

    On the news last night, I saw images of a squirrel dressed up like Santa and waterskiing behind a teeny, tiny little boat. I didn't have the sound on, so I don't know who or what or why, but how fucked up is that?!

    ReplyDelete
  13. RecoveryDecember 21, 2008 at 9:32 AM

    I swear to god, if I see a fucking squirrel today, I will dropkick that motherfucker across the room. What is he doing in the room, you ask?
    Well, it fell in here after I dropped an elbow on it, after I body slammed it.
    Listen, all I'm sayin is, stop looking at my girlfriend, squirrel.
    Also, lose the 'tude.

    ReplyDelete
  14. gibsongirlDecember 21, 2008 at 5:30 PM

    What a douchebag. Seriously....(can i get his number?)

    ReplyDelete
  15. ilterocktiveDecember 22, 2008 at 10:34 AM

    I also show them who's the boss whenever it's possible. Good call, dude.
    http://tinyurl.com/9qwag3

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ray CreationsMarch 14, 2009 at 10:12 PM

    this squirrels is so cute. I really like your blog. web designer

    ReplyDelete

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