I see you're very proud of yourself aren't you, Pig? You get to walk around the fair without exerting any effort. For what? So you can roll around in the mud the rest of the day and not get tired? What are you doing that's so fucking exhausting that you get to be carried around and have your picture taken like you're the fucking king of the fair? EVERYBODY BOW DOWN TO THE LITTLE PIG, KING OF THE COTTON CANDY STAND. I think it's time you learned to fend for yourself, you little piece of-
What? I can hold him?... Okay, just for one second... NO! Stay strong, don't let him get to you.
That'll do, pig. That'll do.
ReplyDeleteWHAT THE FUCK I SAID THAT'LL DO!
Oh, Pig...
ReplyDeleteDelicious. Fuck you... and get in my stomach.
ReplyDeletePlease get back to being very funny. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteOK, just take a deep breath - hold it - and think: BACON. We can handle this. I think...
ReplyDeleteIn honor of this douchenozzle pig, I'm going to eat a ham sandwich and a side of pork rinds for lunch. And then I'm going to have some delicious BACON for dessert.
ReplyDeleteTake THAT, fucking pig!
Pig, you are awesome wrapped around scallops. You shall not get the best of me...
ReplyDelete...okay, I'll hold you for 1 minute.
...maybe 2.
Oh, you little son of a bitch. You have tricked me. Well played, pig. Well played.
Where's Christopher "Big Black" Boykin when you need him? He could sit on this pathetic creature and yell out, "Press ham!" Send his ass to the butcher and do work son!
ReplyDeleteI'll bet the little bitch has a curly little tail.
ReplyDeleteYou can take some solace in the fact that those feet will end up in a pickling jar soon enough.
ReplyDeleteIf they let me hold him at the Fair, I'll take him right over to the deep fried twinkee stand. Deep fried whole pig, with a deep fried twinkee for desert. Mmmmmm...
ReplyDeletemust pet piggy. pet pet pet. george pig. my friend.
ReplyDeleteI could make a nice purse out of those ears.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I'll admit you're cute...when you sprout wings and fly outta my ass...
ReplyDeletePig, I swear on my mother's gentle soul that if you keep looking like that I will have your hooves pickled in a jar and that snout...don't even get me started on what will happen with that.
ReplyDeleteI'm still all fucked up over "da cutest widdle itty bitty bunbunbabywabbit EVAH!" yesterday...
ReplyDeleteAnd yet- there is a need inside to pull this fucker's tail and listen to him squeal like a - well, you KNOW THE REST!
Yay!
ReplyDeleteI love the last lines.
You make me happy.
Just to show you how NOT cute you are, I'm going to eat this BLT and make you watch me, Pig!
ReplyDeleteWait... stop looking at me like that... STOP!
Great. Now I'm a fucking vegetarian.
You're an asshole. An adorable asshole.
BACON!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat'll do pig?! That'll do? You didn't DO ANYTHING!!!
ReplyDeleteyou failed to mention the obligatory bit of fecal matter clinging to the hoofs
ReplyDeletelook who thinks they're in Charlottes Web. Poser.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, trying to eat a pig as retribution only makes your heart hurt. From clogged arteries.
ReplyDeletemmmm....cute Bacon!
ReplyDeleteYeah, let me hold him! :-P
ReplyDeleteThat look in his eyes. He knows he's done wrong.
ReplyDeletei'm going to make a ham sandwich out of you and top it with bacon from your mom.
ReplyDeleteOK. Wee pigs is where I draw the line.
ReplyDeleteI own a box full of Babe memorabilia. I'll never give it up.
Never. I cried at Charlottes Web, both when I read it as a girl, as just last week, when I caught the Dakota Fanning version on cable.
I'd carry that pig anywhere he wanted to go.
Now, if you want to post a cute picture of Dakota Fanning for us to rip on, that'd be good.
Charlotte would be extremely dissapointed in you and your lil nubbins. That bitch shoulda bit you in your sleep and made the world a better place.
ReplyDeletePS you make me feel great about eating you.
Yeah, you're cute, little pig, real cute.
ReplyDeleteSee this football? Smell it?
THAT'S YOUR MOM!!!
For the love of god someone please use this little porker for ballistics testing.
ReplyDeleteYeah we know all about the shit that went down at Animal Farm you exploitative bastard.
ReplyDeletePS I bought some delicious ham yesterday. In a Muslim country no less!
Suffer pig!
you know when that handler sets him down, the pig is gonna go straight for his toes squealing "this little piggy went to market, my ass!!"
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is, "What the fuck!?"
ReplyDelete*I* am the penguin. The penguin is my totem.
I find this highly offensive.
http://animalmind.blogspot.com/2009/01/survival.html
I would punt this thing across the fucking Atlantic.
ReplyDeleteWTF is up with his dirty little snout? Have you been sniffing your dirty little butt, you dirty little pig? You disgust me.
ReplyDeleteSee, pig, that bunny in the previous post thought he was cute too. Then I told him exactly what I was going to do to him and he ran, he ran to save his miserable fucking little life.
ReplyDeleteSo don't dick around with me, Sweetcheeks. Just sayin'.
I talked to my therapist about this blog, and she thinks it's good for me. She says I need to "own my rage" and find "harmless ways to vent."
ReplyDeleteFuck, if this is what I have to do to get released, I guess I'll do it.
fuck you pig, you don't know shit about cute.
ReplyDeleteThere's no wheelchair access to my stomach.
ReplyDeleteI love the fact that you almost crumbled to it's cuteness!
ReplyDeletePIG SEWIEEEEEEE, GO Arkansas RAZORBACKS!
ReplyDeleteWe eat em and others play us!
Oh yeah, "SOME PIG." Next you'll be telling us you're "radiant." It's not working, pig. Your little eight-legged friend/press agent broke down and admitted the game when threatened with lizards.
ReplyDeleteBut enjoy the ride, pig. We don't want you getting too tough from too much exercise, anyway. By the way, would you mind posing with this apple in your mouth for just a second? Great. See you at Christmas...
That looks like my EX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rofl
ReplyDeleteI kissed a cat, by Kitty Purry (aka Natalija Harbinson, sung to her Tomcats last night, Rocco and Luca)...wrong? Right?
ReplyDeleteThis was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention
I kissed a cat and I liked it
The taste of his tuna fish breath
I kissed a cat just to try it
I hope the RSPCA don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed my cat and I liked it
I liked it
Yes, I know your names……Rocco and Luca
You’re my pets, It doesn't matter,
You're my experimental game
Just human nature,
It's not what,
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey
I kissed a cat and I liked it
The taste of his tuna fish breath
I kissed a cat just to try it
I hope the RSPCA don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed my cat and I liked it
I liked it,
My Tomcats we are so magical
Furry skin, whiskered lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent
I kissed a cat and I liked it
The taste of his tuna fish breath
I kissed a cat just to try it
I hope the RSPCA don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
*Incidentally, Kitty Purry is the real name of Katy Perry’s cat and yes, I sung this to Rocco and Luca as a joke! I love “my boys” but in a totally healthy way…… Luca flattened his ears when I sung it [cat speak for ‘One is not amused’], a bad sign? Rocco, seemed to enjoy being serenaded....hmmmm....
Wow. I'm speechless
ReplyDeleteI had his friend over for breakfast this morning.
ReplyDeleteon Lisa Simpson deciding to become a vegetarian:
ReplyDeleteHomer: wait wait, Lisa, honey...are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? what about bacon?
Lisa: no.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: NO.
Homer: Pork Chops?!?
Lisa: DAAD! those all come from the SAME animal!
Homer: oh, sure lisa. *singsong voice* one Magical Delicious animal...
that's you pig. magically delicious.
I'd eat that little fat fuck.
ReplyDelete