Not to be a dick or anything, Iguana, but you're not a fucking dinosaur. I know you roam around showing off your scaly skin, beady little eyes, and your nose holes. And yes, I've seen your tongue. But let me ask you a few questions. Can I ride you? Do you have answering machine messages from Steven Spielberg? WERE YOU ON MY SHOES WHEN I WAS EIGHT???
So don't waddle or slither or whatever you do over here and pretend that you rule the earth. WELCOME TO THE QUATERNARY PERIOD, IGUANA.
Fucking Iguana-be.
ReplyDeleteI remember being in Tijuana, eating barbecued iguana...or was that just in a song?
ReplyDeleteHe's just pissed cause he got passed over for the stupid Geico commercials because he has a latin accent and they went with something more "exotic."
ReplyDeleteWho ever heard of a lizard with a cockney accent anyway? That gecco is a fucking poser if I ever saw one.
those meteors fucked up by forgetting these little bastards.
ReplyDeleteI love you.
ReplyDeleteCute Iguana.... you are a real survivor...
ReplyDeleteI had an iguana when I was a kid.
ReplyDeleteSmug bastard.
But I did name him Goliath, so I accept partial responsibility for his horrible attitude.
Goddammit! That Iguana is such a fucking poser. I just want to smack him across that smug ass face. He's realy pissing me off!
ReplyDeleteThis is the best ever. And by "best ever", I mean "eat a big of dicks, Iguana".
ReplyDeleteEveryone knows you arent a real dinosaur unless there is a chicken nugget in the shape of you. Do you have a chicken nugget iguana? I thought not.
ReplyDeleteiguanas are notoriuosly sentimental, living in the past...always threatening with 'my grandpa could have fucked you up- he was a dinosaur" and Im all like
ReplyDelete"keep talking iguana, cause this stick i am sharpening is going right up your tight non-dinosaur asshole"
and hes all like "bullshit" until his green ass is dead on a hoagie roll with horseradish, mayo, and onion.
We had one as a "pet" once. That fucker was mean. We had to turn the air conditioning on full blast to freeze him down just to clean his shit up.
ReplyDeleteThen, when he warmed up, the bastard would make cute chompy mouth while eating squash .. then attack your face.
Look at the cocky expression in its face!
ReplyDeleteThe freaks can even swim. Either be a dinosaur or a fish. You can't be both.
ReplyDelete"IGUANA-BE" HILARIOUS
ReplyDeletethey also make bad pets....
ReplyDeleteyou have to keep half of the tank in the shade the other in the sun....or your golden retriever could just eat yours like mine did....
Sincerely,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
Don't insult your elders, Penguin.
ReplyDeleteAre those brown things in the backround discarded tail? That is just plain unsanitary.
ReplyDeleteIguanas are such assholes. Fuck them!
ReplyDeleteI should pull off your tail and beat you upside the head with it, you has-been.
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ReplyDeleteI saw my first iguana on a golf course in Puerto Rico- huge fucker was 6 freakin' feet long! And took his damned sweet time walking across the fairway.
ReplyDeleteThey were everywhere- those and pelicans and these weird little freaking gekko things.
voldemort does iguana better than an iguana.
ReplyDeleteI want som e Iguana boots.
ReplyDeleteMy schools mascot is the owl, but in my 3 years here I have only seen one owl and like 8374678 iguanas
ReplyDeleteSomeone get that iguana some Nivea.
ReplyDeleteIguanas just plain suck!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, WTF ARE those brown things?? Ew.
ReplyDeleteps Heather if you are reading this, my word verification is fance, as in short for fancy.
Fo'real, iguanas are pure attitude. Have you ever seen one looking happy to see you? No. They've always got that condescending holier-than-thou bearing, as if *you're* the cunt that eats live crickets. Fuck'em. And hey Iggy, get a hard consonant or two in your name if you ever want to be taken seriously. What a wanker.
ReplyDelete(And if you make me double post this then really, please, feel free to immediately fuck off.)
If I were you iguana, I would do the world a favor and just give up. You've tried so hard for so long, but it's never going to happen. Face it iguana, you're a fat fucking failure! Now just die already, sheesh...
ReplyDeleteThe brown things in the background are tails that have been hacked off. This iguana is probably going to slaughter.
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ReplyDeleteStupid fuckwads. I wish they would take their heated rocks and lettuce and just go the hell away. And what's up with that stinky hippie you're always with at the beach? Take that fucker with you too.
ReplyDeletei'm straight up LOLing all over this shit.
ReplyDeleteI love Iguanas!
ReplyDeleteThis is only hear-say, but I HAVE HEARD, that in Mexico, these bastards lay in the middle of the road, basking in the sun, and it is actually ILLEGAL for you to move them out of the way. You have to wait for the iguana to make up its mind to slither-crawl out of the road. This could be part of the reason for the smug little look on this bastard's face. Spring break this year, I am going to Mexico. Not to drink, or party, or go to the beach. I'm going to get the biggest vehicle I can find and just start squashing iguanas. Who's going to be smug then, iguana? Not you. You're going to be road pizza.
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ReplyDeletei suggest you write something about quokka's they are little rat like critters that are for some reason adorable, they live on one island in australia live off humans kindness for all things cute and hump like bunnies. Ample reasons to hate them.
ReplyDeletequaternary period. . i just learned something new
ReplyDeleteHold
ReplyDeleteThe
Fucking
Phone FUP.
Penguins, awesome, pandas, absolutely. But Iguanas?
This is low, no one cuddles Iguanas, they just sit in tiny cages of pot heads as a conversation piece. Give them a break!
I am going to cuddle an iguana extra lovingly just to spite you.
That'll show ya.
I got bitten by an iguana when I was 15.
ReplyDeleteIn Plymouth.
I would write mre, but I've got to go. I've got a dat
Damn thing doesn't even have FUR. Or feathers. There's nothing soft or remotely warm about a goddamn iguana.
ReplyDeleteNot even Tennessee Williams would like this iguana.
That iguana is a bastard. You can just tell.
hey fup, don't you usually take shots at ridiculously cute assholes? this asshole is not cute. i'd like to see what he has to say to an alligator.
ReplyDeleteiguana-be FTW
ReplyDeleteThe Steven speilberg thing is fcking hilarious.
ReplyDelete