Monday, January 19, 2009

T-Shirts Are Here. Commence Pant Shitting.


I know many of you have been waiting for this week for a very long time, but perhaps you didn't know why. Well, your suspicions were correct: this week THE GREATEST MOMENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY IS HAPPENING.

That's right: Fuck You, Penguin T-Shirts have arrived. (I believe there is also a new episode of Biggest Loser: Couples on tomorrow!!!)

Yes, because I hate ads, but love meth, I came up with the most original way to get your money ever!!! (I also sell X-Box 360s on Craig's List.) Show your devotion to the cause by displaying the super-cool Fuck You, Penguin logo designed by secret graphic-design god Dan Lopez all over town. YOU WILL BE THE HOTTEST BITCH ON THE BLOCK!!! T-shirts have been around for practically thousands of years, so there is no way these will ever go out of style.

Thrill to the straight-up logo shirt:

Fupenguin
Marvel at the ladies version of the shirt:
Fupenguin
Totally fucking go batshit insane for the censored but still paradigm-shifting hoodie:
Fupenguin
Warning: THESE SHIRTS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Also, do not wear pants with these shirts, because you will end up having to take them off anyway as soon as your biggest crush sees you in one!

Just read these testimonials from actual made-up people:
businessman"Thank God I don't have to murder everyone in my office and I can just buy this shirt to make up for the fact that I hate my job!" -businessman, 35

"Holy shit, Mom, is that a Fuck You, Penguin shirt? When did you get to be so cool? Just for that, I won't steal money out of your purse in fifteen years." -baby, 6mo.

"Could you get me one of those? If so, you can come back for a second interview. How's tomorrow at 2?" -important person, 56

"Hey, where did everyone go? I'm being cute! Goddammit, I bet it's those damn shirts again." -penguin, 3


Make sure to get your shirt quickly, because these will sell out (not true). Note: 10% of the proceeds from these shirts will be added to 90% of the proceeds from these shirts, which I will then keep.

UPDATE: By popular demand (of three people), you can now get the Fuck You, Penguin store logo on a T-Shirt. I AM HERE FOR YOU.


Fupenguin

More stuff:

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

Fupenguin

Fupenguin
at

52 comments:

  1. fiel.kuhlaJanuary 19, 2009 at 6:43 AM

    I WANT ONE!

    Do you also ship to Germany or do I have to come over?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nicole oh-so LovelyJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:06 AM

    I will buy 367 of the hoodies and distribute them to various homeless people in the LA county to prove we have way too much money over here and are always trying to prove a point with creativity.

    love,
    www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dr.SaltJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:07 AM

    These might actually be too hardcore for me, yo.

    ReplyDelete
  4. TeeJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:10 AM

    Thank God for these Tee's (no relation). I had no reason to be HOPEFUL tomorrow! (except for that whole new Biggest Loser episode thing)

    ReplyDelete
  5. MattJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:15 AM

    I had a dream that my four little children would one day live in a nation where they would not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their t-shirts.

    Check!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    Wow, that are some cool shirts/sweaters... I am seriously thinking of buying one.

    ReplyDelete
  7. skwilliJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:30 AM

    I think you should only take 5% of the proceeds and add them to the 95% and then keep.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JeffreygeneHKJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:43 AM

    i want one but i live in hong kong and the stupid site that sells them doesn't list it (or china) as a valid billing address country.

    doesn't have india either. so take 1/6 of the world's population, add it to another 1/6, and that's how many people can't give you money.

    where's the love for asia? i just want to buy it, i can have it shipped to family in the states if you won't ship overseas. otherwise, 100% of my money will not go to you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. ginaJanuary 19, 2009 at 8:08 AM

    small request lest you should tell me to go fuck myself...

    can we get that top logo on a t-shirt, it would be amazing if the penguin were kind of wearing the "fuck, you"

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 8:28 AM

    I want!!! But I need a censored t-shirt. I strongly suggest that be an option.

    And yes, you can tell me to FOAD for suggesting it.

    ReplyDelete
  11. JAMES WOEJanuary 19, 2009 at 8:33 AM

    until now, i had been running around town with a t-shirt that had "fuck me penguin" written in sharpy on it...never had to take my pants off, ever...but now, with the promise of a real Fuck You Penguin t-shirt, i know my 4 inches of rock hard manpole will receiving endless favors via fashion power. Maybe even gettin some teabag action if i opt for the hoodie.... thank you, for helping me orgasm repeatedly.

    ReplyDelete
  12. DHJanuary 19, 2009 at 9:12 AM

    First Springsteen sells his new album exclusively through Wal-Mart...now FUP is offering "officially licensed" merchandise...What next? Colleges exploiting their student-athletes to pad their coffers? Oh, the humanity!

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    ok James it's not that serious...



    cool shit yo, as if this week couldn't get any better!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Jessica MooneyJanuary 19, 2009 at 10:02 AM

    Ooops--I just shit my pants!

    ReplyDelete
  15. the Constantly Dramatic OneJanuary 19, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    HOLY FUCK!

    I want the hoodie. Do you do international shipping?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Tara RabeumdeayJanuary 19, 2009 at 10:21 AM

    Ooooh...I want one, but I can't go around wearing "fuck." (Children...not mine, but, well, around. All the time. With jumpy parents.)

    But I really want one. Really really. Just that, well, I'd have no where to wear it. Since, well, see above.

    Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
  17. KellyJanuary 19, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    This is seriously the best ad I have ever seen/read. Except for the Durex ads with the condom balloon animals. But how are you going to compete with that?

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 12:47 PM

    people in my office are wondering why I have tears in my eyes right now. This shit is just too funny.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 1:50 PM

    When I try to buy one, it tells me my shopping cart is empty. Has unprecedented demand caused the shopping site to crash?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jennifer M.January 19, 2009 at 2:24 PM

    Have you come across the Long eared jerboa, an animal which must be fictional based on the fact that it is too cute to possibly exist in real life.

    ReplyDelete
  21. MaggieJanuary 19, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    i love you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wee LauraJanuary 19, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    In the immortal words of Chazz Michael Michaels, I couldn't love a human baby as much as I love Fuck You, Penguin.

    ReplyDelete
  23. JennyJanuary 19, 2009 at 3:05 PM

    I almost always only wear shirt-no-pants, but never have I seen it as a prescription. I feel much better now.

    ReplyDelete
  24. IshmaelJanuary 19, 2009 at 5:18 PM

    20 Dollars? I'm buying a sharpie for a buck and drawing my own. Okay, no I'm not - the cachet of owning an original is too strong. Damn you and your hipster cachet, Fuck You, Penguin!

    ReplyDelete
  25. MISS BJanuary 19, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    "Yes, because I hate ads, but love meth" GENIUS...

    ReplyDelete
  26. ItsallosoJanuary 19, 2009 at 5:28 PM

    I want one!!!! but i cant have it.... a little bit (more) censored would help!!! why must the word fuck not be allowed at school?!?!?!??

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 5:59 PM

    WHY are you the funniest person ever, WHY I implore you?!

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 6:45 PM

    I think I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. MameJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:09 PM

    Oh great, now the L train is going to look like MARCH OF THE (fucking) PENGUINS. And once that happens, then we'll see the Wall Streeters wearing FUP t-shirts at the gym and then they'll be on the old bats at your mom's book club and then, well, forget it. All I can say is, FUP blog posts better be keeping it real. Because just about nothing makes me laugh harder.

    This Idiot
    http://idiotdog.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  30. MichaelJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:22 PM

    This will finally show those effing penguins and their animal kingdom ilk just who (or is it whom) sits at the top of the food chain. That's right - t-shirt wearers! Make mine an XL, please. I need full range of motion to flip off the beasts.

    ReplyDelete
  31. EstefanitaJanuary 19, 2009 at 7:44 PM

    I love you and you should have my babies, like that guy on Oprah.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Athena.January 19, 2009 at 8:04 PM

    Hahaha, you are so brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  33. AnonymousJanuary 19, 2009 at 8:16 PM

    GIMMEE GIMMEE - Sweeney5211

    ReplyDelete
  34. megatJanuary 19, 2009 at 8:48 PM

    Hi!! Your blog are very nice and more info. I hope follow my blog and please click my google ads.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Julian MeteorJanuary 20, 2009 at 1:23 AM

    I WISH I had a job (and therefore some money to buy one of these)

    Do you take credit?

    ReplyDelete
  36. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2009 at 2:59 AM

    OMG T-SHIRTS!! I just shit my pants!

    ReplyDelete
  37. gregoryyyJanuary 20, 2009 at 7:18 AM

    Holy SHIT....get the hell outta my head.And soon.

    Well,this will be the best way to show those thought police who we really side with.That would be the Penguin.Take that Cute Overload.

    I am on my way to the pawn shop now to dump my bikes,the George Forman grill(with bun warmer) and whatever else I can dig up in my frenzy

    ReplyDelete
  38. NicoleJanuary 20, 2009 at 7:51 AM

    Ok, so this is the first time to your site but my friend Loves penguins and I woud love just to get him this to mess with him! How much are the tshirts???

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2009 at 1:21 PM

    I seriously want one, but I can't wear a t-shirt with a swear word on it. Could you make up a t-shirt for wusses like myself? Maybe it could say FU Penguin, or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Fuck You, PenguinJanuary 20, 2009 at 1:55 PM

    For everyone who needs more polite t-shirts, fear not, other shirts are coming.

    However, this is your best shot at a shirt with a penguin on it, at least for the near future. Maybe in a while there will be others. But maybe in a while we will all be dead.

    What I'm saying is, live for the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  41. kilgoreJanuary 20, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    fuck you fuck you penguin. i really want that hoody but i am b-roke! what do i have to do to get it for free? hmm?

    ReplyDelete
  42. Fuck You, PenguinJanuary 20, 2009 at 6:17 PM

    I am such a hypocrite!!!!

    http://www.printfection.com/fupenguin/FU-Penguin-T-Shirt/_p_3494393

    Hope you enjoy, and wear with confidence.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Lodo GrdzakJanuary 20, 2009 at 6:35 PM

    So now were gonna start with the penguin-bashing again!

    ReplyDelete
  44. #41x14January 20, 2009 at 10:52 PM

    fuckin' "The store where I SELL cute animals' what's what." HA.

    i am unemployed, going on 6 months and i WILL BUY ONE OF THESE SHIRTS!!! i probably wouldn't have had time to find you if i had a job. thank god for being terminated! you are so funny. like really funny. i laugh so hard. i love you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. JeremyJanuary 21, 2009 at 6:17 AM

    I could totally go for that top log on a hoodie. I've got too many tees, and it's cooold now :(

    ReplyDelete
  46. FenifuegoJanuary 21, 2009 at 8:24 AM

    Can you make them available in other colors?

    ReplyDelete
  47. RxyJanuary 21, 2009 at 9:01 AM

    I <3 the tote!!! totally getting it!!!
    U rock!

    ReplyDelete
  48. LauraJanuary 21, 2009 at 5:57 PM

    You are seriously hilarious! Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  49. corncob01January 22, 2009 at 11:23 AM

    where's the thong? i want a thong

    ReplyDelete
  50. lizziebelleJanuary 23, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    YES to the dog wearing the I AM PART OF THE PROBLEM tshirt. genius

    ReplyDelete
  51. Paul SundlingJanuary 24, 2009 at 11:44 PM

    I would never wear a shirt that disses the linux mascot!

    ReplyDelete
  52. William OwenJanuary 27, 2009 at 8:14 AM

    This will totally blow your mind.

    http://www.act-i-vate.com/58.comic

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.