What the hell, Dog? Like I'm not good enough for you. I have 6,000 friends on Facebook! YOU'RE NOT EVEN ON FACEBOOK BECAUSE YOUR PAWS WOULD MAKE TYPING IMPOSSIBLY AWKWARD. What am I doing wrong here? We hung out that one time, and I thought things were going pretty well. I made some jokes, you ate your own poop, WE HAD A NICE DAY TOGETHER.
I'm not upset. I'm just unclear on what makes you think you're so fucking cool and I am just dirt on the bottom of your paw. I am a cool person. I have cool sneakers, I watched Arrested Development from the premiere on, before it got trendy, and I say things like "Yeah, I loved Kanye, before he decided he could rap." I even met Samuel L. Jackson, and I was totally like "Hey, what's going on, oh, you're in movies?" Nevermind, forget it. Fuck you, Dog. I've got other things going on. I've got plans tonight anyway, and they don't involve crying.
Wait, yes they do. Damn.
ReplyDeleteThanks FYP for being the antidote to animal smugness and cuteness. Just getting my morning caffeine I almost had heart palpitations watching my Papillon and kitten do their version of WWF. Seriously, FYP, I felt my heart rushing and pumping so hard in ecstasy that I had to hold on to the counter to keep from falling to the ground.
ReplyDeleteWhat did I do? Rushed to the computer to get a dose of FYP to reset my heart. Thank you FYP for delivering the antidote to animal cuteness. No more can the animals at my house or out in the world smugly control my emotions. I am a free man. I celebrate my freedom and liberty! What's that hubby? Oh, yeah, I'll get right on it....
What a grumpy little jerk...
ReplyDeleteDogs are the worst.
ReplyDeleteHe looks like my grandfather when hey used to push out his dentures to scare us kids. That's one ugly beast. No wonder he's forced to sleep out on the curb.
ReplyDeleteOMG that's a fat pooch.
ReplyDeleteLeave some food for the rest of us you greedy ass.
I hope aren't trying out for America's Next Top Dog. There's no way the Obama's are going to adopt you looking like that. You might get lucky by having new Agriculture Secretary and former Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack take you in, but you'll never be the First Dog. Congratulations, you are the William Hung of dogs, now go eat some more feces.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, is that all you got? Underbites are passe.
ReplyDeleteAll the cute little pug and pug mixes are wearing them, and they pull it off so much better.
You are a wannabe, dog, and that is why no one cares that you stare down FYP. No one at all.
I think Fuck You Penguin has gotten lost a bit. Maybe you are drunk with your own power? Yes, certainly you are always hysterically funny. But isn't this a place to take CUTE animals down a notch? Why are you harrassing this dog? And that iguana? Have you run out of fluffy things? And adorable big-eyed things? I am all for keeping cuteness in line, but us ugly things have to stick together! There are plenty of blogs out there poking fun of ugly stuff. Get your priorities straight, FU P. Quit showing off and go after the cute offenders, please.
ReplyDeleteNow that I've cleaned my keyboard of the milk that just got snarfed out my nose because I was about to have an anyurism because I was laughing so fucking hard--let me tell you this dog is a complete schmuck. You're not cool dog, you're a dickwad.
ReplyDeleteNick Nolte is that YOU?
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOU!
ReplyDeletei know how you feel, he makes me feel like white crusty old dog poop, you don't even step on it, you just kick it
ReplyDeleteI hate dogs more than anything.
ReplyDeleteIronically, I keep a blog about them.
Okay, so I get that this dog's mother was a Rottweiller or something. But what about the dad? Was he a barrel?
ReplyDeleteexcellent.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute...I recognize this fucker! Didn't he play the enemy Schwarzenegger fought in Predator?
ReplyDeleteYour acting was pathetic back then, hound (even though you did upstage Ah-nold; but really, how hard is that?), and it hasn't gotten any better.
Huh. All dogs love me.
ReplyDeleteThere's one five feet away from me now.
I can't seem to get rid of it, and it follows me everywhere.
Damn dogs.
Thanks a lot Mr. or Ms. FYP for denigrating the last bastion of human compassion. I'm gonna sic PETA on yer ass. You'll be hearing from us.
ReplyDeleteP.S. you are now on my blogroll so I can observe and document your hateful ways...
Sincerely,
HopeSpringsATurtle
Ha! You think you got 'tude, you asshole mutt?
ReplyDeleteTry my waddling pug "Pincess Elizabeth Joy"- SHE'S got it ALL over YOUR fat ass.
(my idiot children named her)
Makes not THEM but ME get up at 5am every day to give Her Royal Fucking Majesty a damn biscuit (Iams, not that generic cheap crap- thank you very FUCKING much!!), then spits it out immediately at my feet.
Pi-tooey!!
Then the spoiled bitch will sulk until I pick it up and I hold it at HER eye level.
Next she sighs, grabs it, munches it down and immediately hops onto HER chair to take a loud snoring nap.
I fuckin' hate dogs.
melouise - you have my sympathies. You should see the vulgar, rude, drooling mess that passes for a canine and inhabits my home.
ReplyDeleteFreakin' thing follows me around all day; last week I actually baked it homemade peanut/honey treats in an effort to bribe it to go away. Whoa, did that ever backfire.
I feel for ya.
Skeptical Bystander said:
ReplyDelete"Okay, so I get that this dog's mother was a Rottweiller or something. But what about the dad? Was he a barrel?"
OMG I can hardly sit in this chair I am laughing so hard...a barrel.
*guffaws*
Snort! You're killing me!
ReplyDeleteI think we need to get this little smug dog one of your doggy shirts
ReplyDeletethat's my dog, assholes. stfu.
ReplyDeletejust kidding, my dog is so fucking cute i want to puke on her every time i look at the bitch.
Who do you think you are dog? A FUCKING EWOK???
ReplyDeleteGet over yourself, you are nothing but a BITCH!
I can't decide whether I think this dog is scary as hell or so ugly he's cute.
ReplyDeleteI want to dress him up in a tuxedo and be happy together for the rest of time.
ReplyDeleteThe bastard isn't even cute.
ReplyDeleteJerk.
On the plus side, it wasn't Sarkozy's dog.
ReplyDeleteMelouise,
ReplyDeleteI think you're stuck up princess of a dog might actually be a cat in disguise with that attitude.
That FUP dog is one ugly son of a bitch!
If I ate my own poop I'd probably make the same face. Don't let it get you down and try not to think about the fact that he can also lick his own balls.
ReplyDeleteYou may be onto something, GEYWTD re:pug with cat-like tendecies...
ReplyDeleteWe had just one old indoor cat. Then our meth-head neighbors abandoned their beat-up trailer- next thing I know, one old cat in the front yard,yowling for food.
That was 4 or 5 years ago- as of this winter, 2 MORE freeloaders are hanging around!
We live out in the freaking frozen WOODS of Maine- where the bloody fuck are these cats coming from??
(all bitchin' aside, they are all nice- but my husband thinks I'm an utter loon...)
Damn, Tara- can I come stay at your house and get away from my bossy furry overlords?? Yum!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't worry about it. Rehab will sort you out. I needed three months after this little one wouldn't let me join him in making paintings.
ReplyDeletehttp://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2007/06/Piglet_450x365.jpg
Perhaps he's just annoyed that you're going out with his mom. Kids can get really pissy about that, trying to replace the father and all.
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that I've always wanted a blanket made out of dogs ears? I just haven't figured out how to keep them soft once they're no longer connected...to the dog that is.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't want to be your friend either.
ReplyDeleteATTN: Fuck You Penguin fans
ReplyDeleteHeavily under the influence of Fuck You Penguin, I wrote something. Click on my name to see it. Enjoy, or don't. It's your life.
... he's never looked good on pics and he spits poop pieces while barking...but he does make a great foot stool
ReplyDeleteI watched Arrested Development from the premiere before it got trendy too and ugly dogs dis me all the time. WTF?
ReplyDeleteYeah, look at the attitude on that mutt! Who does he think he is. My future mother-in-law looks at me with less disapproval, and I thought she was intolerable.
ReplyDeleteJobs for Writers
WTF, FUP. You sure are a softie when it comes to dogs. Why does a lamb or a monkey get told off, but for a dog you weep like a junior high girl who's lost her AC Slater notebook? I'm not sure you've really got the sack to truly tell cute animals what's what if you go all weepy over da cute widdwe puppies. Does FUP stand for Fond of yoU Puppies?
ReplyDeleteOK. I just found this blog and I have been sent to the garage by my husband because of the cackling that has erupted from my mouth. I plan on being here for the duration of my evening reading your older posts. And that dog looks like a slapper. Beware.
ReplyDeleteWow. If the dog can't even appreciate goddamn Arrested Development...clearly that relationship isn't worth your time. COME ON!
ReplyDeleteI apologize but my cat has gone crazy after reading your blog and posted a response in my blog. Here is a link http://aynex.blogspot.com/2009/01/kandinsky-sunday-f-you-too.html
ReplyDeleteBZA-
ReplyDeleteCome on now, shake that shit off. That miserable cur might look all hard-core and badass, but clearly he is an imposter. Reminds me of the teenage white boys hanging out at the mall with their hats to the side, baggy pants, fubu hoodies and fake gold chains trying to look like they come from the hood.
Your doggie here is just to literal to be taken seriously-where is the nuance, the subtle irony?
Face it, this dog is an upper middle class german shephard coming downtown to hang out and get a little stank on him and you fell it.
Sorry bout that.
So with extra emotion I will now say
Fuck you and your lame assed underbite dog!
That dog would eat your face off.
ReplyDeleteThat is one fucking ugly dog. Just sayin'...
ReplyDeleteThat looks EXACTLY like the girl I went home with last night!!!!!!! lol
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY!!!!!
I have NO standrads lmao
I *barely* made it through the weekend. It's a long stretch of desert from Saturday to Monday with all efforts spent on making it to the oasis - a fresh Fuck You Penguin post.
ReplyDeleteOkay, it's Monday already. And almost noon. I'm not sure I can hold out much longer. Please don't tell me we've run out of cute things.
That's the ugliest dog I've ever seen.
ReplyDeletelipstick erection motherfucker
ReplyDeleteI hate dogs,especially those yappy,little rat,things that dumb-assed blond tramps like Paris always seem to carry around in their hand-bags.
ReplyDeletetoofers mcgee!
ReplyDelete