Thursday, February 5, 2009

Um, I can see you


Cow, what the hell do you think you are doing hiding behind that tree? You do realize you are a cow, right? It's not likely that you are going to be able to keep a low profile, seeing as cows are so large that they are a metaphor for fat people. I (almost) respect the effort, but I don't care that your horns kind of match the tree, that emo haircut of yours is not botanical.

And what kind of cow has horns anyway? You are supposed to be black and white, and I'm supposed to drive by you in my car on road trips and lean out the window and say "Moo." Get back to work being harmless and laying in the grass. STOP RUINING MY VACATIONS BY WANTING MORE OUT OF LIFE, COW.
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51 comments:

  1. David DustFebruary 5, 2009 at 5:53 AM

    Fuck you, Cow. This isn't the Sears Portrait Studio - it's a fucking farm.

    Now slice me off a sirloin and leave me the hell alone.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tim McNuttFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:10 AM

    I think that cow trying to hide from the butcher. Sorry bitch, it's Ribeye time for you. I'll be seeing you on my plate at Outback in about 4 days!

    ReplyDelete
  3. MartyFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:22 AM

    William "Fucking" Wallace Highland cow? You suck.

    I'm going to castrate you and hang your balls behind my truck.

    ReplyDelete
  4. wombatFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:22 AM

    Trying too hard to be different, cow. It doesn't impress anyone. Just grow up, huh?

    ReplyDelete
  5. kimFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:30 AM

    Don't wanna burst your udders cow, but Tyra doesn't need a co-host. Go back to chewing your cud, you 4 stomached freak!

    ReplyDelete
  6. MameFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:35 AM

    Oh Jesus.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The JulesFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:39 AM

    Hey - a cow!

    ReplyDelete
  8. furiousBallFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:03 AM

    Dear Cow,

    I bet you will ride the short bus to the slaughter house on your way to my plate at a shitty Outback.

    Love,
    A Guy with Opposable Thumbs that can operate a slaughterhouse or one of those thingies in No Country For Old Men used to kill you

    ReplyDelete
  9. CindyFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:11 AM

    Cows gross me out. I have to avert my attention when passing them on the road.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:14 AM

    What a great cow! I love that cow.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:15 AM

    Hey FUPenguin Guy?

    Do the comments on your blogs ever disturb you?

    ReplyDelete
  12. MishaFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:16 AM

    Maybe he's trying to launch a sneak attack. WE CAN SEE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnaFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:18 AM

    Uh, nice hair style cow, but we really need you to get back to work. I think Charlotte's Web already saved the farm animal that was going to be saved. No! you are not SOME cow. Go back to your house and stop terrorizing us with your blond bangs, seriously, it's not cute. And the eyes-so not a puppy dog look, we caught you now.
    LOL; what a cow ;-P

    ReplyDelete
  14. ColleenFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:24 AM

    I thought I was the only person who ever leaned out the window and yelled "Moo."

    ReplyDelete
  15. SGHFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:33 AM

    Fuck Emo Cows! Go cut yourself, cow. Maybe into some steaks or something.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Jon DefreestFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:39 AM

    What is this your Myspace profile pic, cow? Are you embarrassed by your weight and trying to hide it behind that tree like so many 16-year-old girls.

    How about just a close up of your eyes next time? Die.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Kafka Stole My BikeFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:44 AM

    Nice haircut. You're not mad at me, you're mad at your dad, cow!

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 8:04 AM

    Mooooow, cow i see you too. Now bye...

    ReplyDelete
  19. UnknownFebruary 5, 2009 at 8:11 AM

    i love this.
    you make me laugh everyday...
    :) thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  20. CassaundraFebruary 5, 2009 at 8:49 AM

    i love the part about the emo haircut not being botanical.

    you are an evil genius.

    ReplyDelete
  21. DHFebruary 5, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    Drop the haircut, already...John Denver is dead and he isn't going to put you in a song.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The JerkeyFebruary 5, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    Wow ... I can't believe you people have so many fucked up things to say about a poor cow. I get the initial humor but the vitriol seems really unnecessary. What the hell is wrong with you people?

    ReplyDelete
  23. jflorekFebruary 5, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    I'll tell you what's wrong...just look at that fucking cow! Isn't it obvious? Not even cute at all. Now just thinking of hamburger makes me want to puke.

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 9:30 AM

    These bastards also refuse to wear a bell.

    I was going to say something about a haircut but decided it's better to give an honest lawnmower some good work.

    ReplyDelete
  25. SJOFebruary 5, 2009 at 9:37 AM

    Well, FUP, I must disagree with you for the first time. Although cute, I do not think this cow is being INTENTIONALLY cute (unlike those motherfucking penguins).

    ReplyDelete
  26. JAMES WOEFebruary 5, 2009 at 9:45 AM

    uhhhh...FUP editor...this is a minotaur, not a cow. Nice try, but pick on somebody that wont chew your testicals like gum after he's eaten you like a trough of hay. --theseus, the minotaur bitch slapper who knows of what he speaks

    ReplyDelete
  27. foreverinautumnFebruary 5, 2009 at 9:51 AM

    Ok Cow, you almost had me. I caught myself about to smile. GOD, why do animals think that no human can resist an animal that cocks his head slightly to the side!?

    Well Cow, I've got news for ya. You remind me of that kid in elementary school who downright SUCKED at playing hide n' seek and took all the fun out of the game... for everyone.

    Thanks once again cow.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Laughing SoulFebruary 5, 2009 at 10:23 AM

    Stupid cow! Why are you playing hide and seek instead of playing die and steak. BE MY DINNER! And I'll only eat half of you and let the rest of you rot.!
    Fuching cow!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. G double dash LOCFebruary 5, 2009 at 10:46 AM

    Stop trying to be the Owen Wilson of your pasteur, because most of the world is over it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. SgtPepFebruary 5, 2009 at 11:04 AM

    My son had his hair like that once. I beat his ass.


    fyi, Cow, fyi

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    This site is racist! Breedist? Whatever. What's with demanding all cows be Holsteins?

    There are plenty of reasons to tell this cow to fuck off (his emo, pouty lower lip, for example) without dragging skin/fur color into it.

    ReplyDelete
  32. JediJeffFebruary 5, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    Kill a cow.
    Cook a cow.
    Eat a cow.

    ReplyDelete
  33. HippoleetoeFebruary 5, 2009 at 12:13 PM

    This made me laugh historically. lol
    Nice

    ReplyDelete
  34. feathermarFebruary 5, 2009 at 3:43 PM

    That cow is a taunting bastard. You know he just wants me to date him so I can listen to his poetry until he dumps me and then calls me in the middle of the night to say how much he regrets it. Effing cow. I wish you were just a pair of leather pants.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Love LorenaFebruary 5, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    It a Scotland Highlander.... and a giant douche.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Pink SithFebruary 5, 2009 at 5:07 PM

    Cows are notorious douche bags. This is a FACT. SCOTTISH Cows are even worse because that have that Scottish accent when they Moo. It's actually repulsive. Don't get me started on the fucking haircut. He's SUCH a douche!

    ReplyDelete
  37. wineandroastsFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:29 PM

    His hooves were painted black, weren't they? F*cking Gen Y Goth-wannabe livestock.

    Get a job.

    ReplyDelete
  38. IrlandeseFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:51 PM

    Must. Have. Steak. Now.

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousFebruary 5, 2009 at 6:57 PM

    Hey FUPenguin Guy?

    Do the comments on your blogs ever disturb you?

    I hope so. Jeez, I've been working at it, and I still haven't gotten sick enough to get banned, or even deleted.

    I just don't have my game on tonight. FUP Guy has has not even sent me a kindly warning email, saying "Michael, knock off your twisted psycho shit or you're history at my blog!"

    It's kind of discouraging.

    So, I got nuthin' to say about that emo cow. Other than, I'm sure it gives a good BJ, but I suppose that everyone knew that anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  40. JoMala "Truth 101" KellyFebruary 5, 2009 at 7:17 PM

    It's asshole animals like that phony ass cow that make me hate vegetarians. He deserves to be slaughtered and ground into hamburger.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Spec7ralFebruary 5, 2009 at 10:05 PM

    Stupid fucking emo cow. Be productive and slit your wrists like a true emo would. Oh yeah wait, emo is all show. Fuck you emo cow.

    ReplyDelete
  42. get in hereFebruary 6, 2009 at 2:16 AM

    Fuck you, hiding cow. Fat prick.

    ReplyDelete
  43. L E B E A S TFebruary 6, 2009 at 4:42 AM

    bwahahahaaaahha.
    disgusting.

    ReplyDelete
  44. SunnyHorseFebruary 6, 2009 at 5:44 AM

    That's not a cow, it's actually a "west highland coo"

    ReplyDelete
  45. angelaFebruary 6, 2009 at 11:17 AM

    "Emo haircut" nearly made me lose my shit. Bravo, Fuck You, Penguin!

    ReplyDelete
  46. drollgirlFebruary 7, 2009 at 9:40 AM

    emo haircut. snort!!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. MotorWeek SucksFebruary 7, 2009 at 12:36 PM

    This cow lives in my neighborhood. He's a fucking DICK!

    ReplyDelete
  48. kilgoreFebruary 9, 2009 at 9:20 AM

    aw, you look sad.

    well we've all got problems! fuck you "west highland coo"

    ReplyDelete
  49. MerkanthFebruary 9, 2009 at 2:16 PM

    isn't that a yak? either way i'm still laughing

    ReplyDelete
  50. cermedesFebruary 9, 2009 at 9:34 PM

    Um, Fall Out Boy called and said they're interested. BTW, do you play the cow bell? They said they need more cow bell. Anyhoo... Fuck you!

    ReplyDelete
  51. AnonymousFebruary 9, 2009 at 9:40 PM

    http://www.flypaperblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/horse-gets-stuck-in-a-tree.jpg

    ReplyDelete

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