Ostrich, seriously, I am not taken in by your "crazy guy" look with the fuzzy hair and the silly grin. You are like the late era Robin Williams of birds. YOU HAVE NO EDGE, OSTRICH, STICK TO THE MIDDLING DRAMAS ABOUT MENTORS AND SADNESS.
But, alas, the ostrich will never know that its days have come and gone. Similar to the grandfather that makes terrible jokes that no one finds funny, but people laugh at them to not make him feel bad, ostriches walk around like they are the funniest damn thing since camels, and everybody goes along with it because they could literally slice open your entire fucking body. The best thing to do when an ostrich like this one approaches you and is all "Do you believe my legs and neck are so long, but my body is like a big ball? I mean, it's totally out of control!!" is to be like "Ha, yeah! It is pretty funny," but if he gives you one of these, quickly follow it up with, "But, you know, you really are very dignified," and then drop to the ground, cover your head and neck, and hope they don't stand on you for too long.
That dude is one small evolutionary step from a FUCKING VELOCORAPTOR! And I for one would swerve my car on purpose to make humanity safer by crushing one. I hate it, because it is FILLING ME WITH HATE.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you're laughing at, Ostrich. I'm not the one who's eyes look all hyper-tensive.
ReplyDeleteThat is not even an ostrich. That is Michael Jackson having the dress rehearsal for his farewell tour.
ReplyDeletePretty fucking scary if ya ask me...
ReplyDeleteDaily Gif Blog
DB
Someone should tell that ostrich that his pictures are on a WEIRD MEAT site. That's right, Ostrich, MEAT.
ReplyDeletedon't bat those eyelashes at me, ostrich, because it won't work. even if you put on a pink bow and ballet slippers and dance on a float in a florida theme park, it will not calm me into submission. i'm staying the hell away from you and your dinosaur claws.
ReplyDeleteI never knew how dangerous the ostrich was until I found this site... I'm staying far away from the velocoraptor's cousin at the zoo.
ReplyDeleteyour blog is so funny! i love it, i laugh at every post, thank you! :)
ReplyDeletethe ostrich is what happened when Larry Fine from the Three Stooges fucked an iguana.
ReplyDeleteThese guys amuse me too with their funny faces... :-))
ReplyDeleteFrom the linked site, the only advice I will head when dealing with an ostrich:
ReplyDeleteIf your life is in danger and you have a stout stick, a hard blow to the ostrich's neck will usually break its neck and kill the animal. A well placed shot into the center of the main body ("center mass") from a large caliber handgun (.44 or .45 caliber) will stop the ostrich. A machete blow to the neck will also kill the bird.
Die Ostrich, Die.
Those false eyelashes are not a disguise, ostrich. At best all they do is make you look like an american idol contestant run amuck. Don't insult us.
ReplyDeleteStupid Ostrich. Why don't you go stick your head in the sand so I don't have to look at you! I mean what kind of bird are you? You can't even fucking fly. It's really pitiful and it makes me sick. Way to ruin my Friday scum bag.
ReplyDeleteStupid flamingo wannabee.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wikihow.com/Bury-a-Dead-Bird
ReplyDeleteVery helpful ostrich-disposal wiki for when you inevitably have to shoot the arrogant fucker, linked to from the instructions on how not to get sliced open. However, it seems to have overlooked the size of said bird, as it recommends using a shoebox or cereal box. Perhaps a refrigerator box would be more appropriate?
He makes me think of a bad movie...can't avoid it and once you've seen it you have nightmares about it!!!
ReplyDeletehttp://mylifeiscrap.com
And I learned how to survive an ostrich attach today, not what I expected when I came to work today.
ReplyDeletecrap!
ReplyDeleteThis just made me laugh so hard my boss came in.
Thanks ostrich.
She went to my school.
ReplyDeleteAAHH Comparing it to a Velociraptor is fuckin' scary. o_o;
ReplyDeleteOstriches have been planning a massive assault on mankind for a millennium. Its just a matter of time before we are all chased down and gutted...
ReplyDeleteWe are going to need more Stovetop to stuff that guy.
ReplyDeleteThey are called arsestretches because they lay such huge eggs.
ReplyDeleteall it's missing is a circa 1980's Members Only jacket.
ReplyDeleteWell, if it isn't the Reverend Jim Ignatowski...I know I've been in this fucker's cab...
ReplyDeleteand ostrich burgers are really good...
ReplyDelete-www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
That ostrich is the Jack Nicholson of the animal world.
ReplyDeletePhyllis Diller without the wig.
ReplyDeleteHey Ostrich-I steal your eggs and decorate them. Over and over easy.
ReplyDeleteMy cockatiel loves watching ostriches on television. In fact, we were watching "10,000 BC" the other night and in that scene where those giant ostrich type birds are ripping apart the humans, I noticed that the cockatiel was plastered to the side of his cage, staring at the television with rapt attention.
ReplyDeleteI'm scared.
Don't trust birds that smile.
ReplyDeleteEver.
Oi! Ostrich!
ReplyDeleteWind yer neck in sunshine!
Pandas. You need to do Pandas. I know they're not small, but they're fucking useless cunts and I don't know why people spend so much time trying to save the fuckers. It's this big tragedy that they only have sex once a lifetime? A species like that deserves to be extinct.
ReplyDeleteI'm not laughing, Ostrich. You can tell me all the knock-knock jokes you want, dumb ass -- I'm keeping an eye on my food dish.
ReplyDeleteMan, ostriches are mean! Velocorapter is right! My cousins used to raise them here in MN and once and a while one of more would get out and chase her down the road as she was jogging. Not a great way to start your day!
ReplyDeleteNow I understand what Teddy Roosevelt was saying when he said to talk softly and carry a big stick. He must've pissed off one of these fucking things before becoming president. I'm surprised that he didn't pass any anti-ostrich laws...
ReplyDeleteHey Ostrich, Phyllis Diller called, she wants her old face back!
ReplyDeleteIs there going to be another series of Ally McBeal?
ReplyDeleteI just found you, yet I think I love you already. Oh, and I also hate the new follower widget. Can't the Blogger people spend their time writing code to make a 3 column template instead of shit like this?
ReplyDeleteOstriches are pussies! There was a big pen of them at the state fair and everybody that walked by was getting bit by these evil fuckers. I was wise to their ass and walked over and stuck my hand right up where they could get at it and they did too.
ReplyDeleteGUESS WHAT?
It doesn't hurt! Not even in the slightest! I just held my hand there and let them grab at it till they realized I wasn't buying their blustering bullshit and they walked away because they KNEW I was going to ride one of the bitches next and if they hate anything worse than us knowing their biting doesn't hurt, it's being ridden.
AWWWWWWKKKKKKK-FRRRRWAAAAAAWWWWKKKKK!!! Translation: GIMME THAT CHEESE SANDWICH BEEITCH!
ReplyDeleteI studied Ostrich back when I was in the Navy.
Oh, thank you Sesli Chat for sharing! I'm in the midst of wedding planning, Camfrog 18 Odalar and both my fiance and I are NOT cake lovers, and can't imagine spending hundreds of dollars on one dessert we don't even like! Forum Sayfasi | Video Sayfasi | Site Map We're planning on doing a buffet of family recipes Sohbet Ruleti, Chat Ruleti pies, cookies, cheesecake, etc - and some of our favorite candies in apothecary jars :) I love to see that
ReplyDeleteothers are thinking out of the [cake] box, too!