Owls are always making snarky fucking asides like they're above it all. A perfect example of this was the other day. We were eating some really good watermelon sorbet together, and I was like, "Is this great or what?" and this owl gave me this look and said, "What." (He actually said "who," but I'm pretty sure that was just his lame meta-commentary on the commonness of the actual "What" joke.) The fucked up thing about it was that it was some seriously good watermelon sorbet, too, so there's no way he wasn't enjoying that shit.
So I was all, "I should already expect it from owls, but you're a real piece of work even for your species, with the curved beak and the silent judging. Sorry I'm just a person and you get to be inherently wise just because you can turn your head around to look behind your shoulders, Owl. IT'S NOT A CRIME TO OPEN YOURSELF UP TO NEW EXPERIENCES, ASSHOLE." Then they made me leave the gelato store, which was fine with me because there were owl pellets everywhere and that has to be a health violation.
Haha, he looks sooo bored...
ReplyDeleteEven his facial expression suggests that he's above it all.
ReplyDeleteWhat a who-re!
ReplyDeleteTo paraphrase Pete Townshend, Just who the fuck are you, owl?
ReplyDeleteClearly as high as a fucking kite. You're a junkie piece of shit, owl.
ReplyDeletehis ironic beard is giving me a migraine.
ReplyDeletewhat you can't see from that picture are the extremely tight black jeans he's wearing.
ReplyDeletefor fuck sakes owl, watermelon sorbet deserves a little excitement.
ReplyDeleteyou don't know everything and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you will realize we FUCKINGHATEYOU
Owls are evil.
ReplyDeletehilarious!
ReplyDeleteOwl, I can't even deal with my own shit on Monday, let alone your shit!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat a dick.
ReplyDeleteFtt!!! Don't come at me with all that 'Wise' Bullshit, Mr Owl. I know for a fact you're all eyeballs and no brain so neer!!!
ReplyDeletethere is a reason owls are shaped like footballs... to be drop kicked!!!
ReplyDeleteLook at those sickly yellow eyes. Clearly he takes a jaundiced view of the world.
ReplyDeleteumm this just made my top 10. no, top 5.
ReplyDeleteit's also painful to read comments where posters are trying to match your humor...they fail 99% of the time.
I saw once where Mr. Owl said it only took 3 licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop. 3 licks! Cmon Mr. Owl, I saw you bite it. You think I'm that dumb? You think I didn't see that? And you're all handing me back the empty stick and talking to me with that condescending tone? Fuck you, Owl, Fuck you and fuck your 3 licks!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZ0epRjfGLw
Maybe he is above it all, did you ever think about that, FUP? I mean, here you are, trying to share the experience of water-fucking-melon sorbet with a CARNIVORE and you expect him to glory in your little omnivores dilemna?? Did you think to offer him a nice mouse mousse? NO. I think we all know who the real dick is here, FUP.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm in love with you.
ReplyDeleteI was the gelato store lady.
meliss007, agreed, but i would say 85%. the jaundiced comment is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteDon't tell the guys at Bohemian Grove you feel this way!
ReplyDeleteYou want to know "who who"? Well, not you, bug-eyes.
ReplyDeleteI went through this just the other day at a bar. Owl , kinda tosses his naked ten-speed aside, and wanders in with his skinny jeans and Brit pop hair. I'm like, 'hey' and he seriously, just gives me the what's up with his beak and keeps right on walking.
ReplyDeleteBwa ha ha ha.... Oh, this might be my favorite ever. I love this post!
ReplyDeleteBut then I am always a sucker for snarky owls eating sorbet.
nice. well done.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYour site is hilarious. I love it. Please check out mine...
ReplyDeletewww.gibsongirloriginals.etsy.com
he probably thought it was pureed mice liver and got disappointed!
ReplyDeleteThose bastards. And their stupid silent wings, too. What - do they think they're, like, ninjas or something? That is so lame. A real bird isn't afraid to make noise when it flies. It ha nothing to hide.
ReplyDeletewell i think his ego mostly comes from the Tootsie Pop commercials.
ReplyDeletelick,
www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
He's even wearing eyeliner and purple shadow. We get it. You're all indie and stuff. But now you're just trying too hard.
ReplyDeleteOwls are just insecure assholes. Their brains are smaller than their eyeballs. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME OWL, I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO COMPENSATE FOR YOUR TINY BRAIN.
ReplyDeleteMy school mascot is an Owl. Let me tell you, repping this animal has been hell. It's almost over!
ReplyDeleteOkay, let's give the guy a break...sometimes critters that appear to be aloof are well ~ shy. Of course it is possible to be a jerk and shy as well...
ReplyDeleteFUP, "watermelon sorbet"!! Nice touch! :)
Sadly, no matter what we say to this fuckin' twat, he still won't give a fuck.
ReplyDeleteI kind of admire that and respect his consistency.
But still...Fuck off, seriously!
hahah owls are my FAVORITE animal.
ReplyDeletethanks for this
x
he just thinks he's all that cuz he can fly.
ReplyDeleteI know those fucking owls
ReplyDeletehe clearly just ripped a blunt
ReplyDeletesweet 'guyliner' fuckstick!
ReplyDelete;)
ReplyDeleteNo doubt about it, owls are the pretentious pomo indie-rock listening pseudo hipsters of the animal kingdom.
ReplyDeleteFuck them all.
My favorite post so far. You're right--owls are dicks.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the "what joke?" Seriously.
ReplyDeleteI've seen it all.
ReplyDeletehis eyes dont even look real
ReplyDeleteoh man. best post to date.
ReplyDeleteI must disagree with a previous commenteer (i just made that up, Meliss007). I LIKE the comments that follow FUP posts. Some are funny and some are not, but just having people add to the silliness is fine by me.
ReplyDeletePS- I can just hear that snarky fucking owl quoting French poetry from behind his velvety smoking jacket......
Nice Pic
ReplyDeleteIf you think that owl is touch shit, take a look at
ReplyDeletethis one.
touch = tough.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what the owl's reaction to this blog would be. Most likely more of the same.
ReplyDeleteThat owl is significantly higher than the kangaroo.
ReplyDeleteThere's an owl near my home. Some guy is saving him because he can't fly... supposedly. I bet he doesn't want to fly. I bet he just wants humans to cater to all his dumb little owl needs and in return he keeps all his neighbors up at night.
ReplyDeleteI just died.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best fup post ever!
Owl's are nature's equivalent of Bob Dylan in his most arrogant early days.
ReplyDeleteWhat an uppity snot. Go back to your tree hugging, Jaded Hipster Owl!
ReplyDeleteOh, owl... I hear your beak say 'no'.
ReplyDeleteBut your eyes? Your eyes say 'Yes....'
Owl says, "has anyone seen my spliff?"
ReplyDeleteDid you people ever think Owl might have a thyroid condition? So quick to judge...
ReplyDeleteVery funny!
ReplyDeleteHe actually looks pretty blazed if you ask me!
ReplyDeleteNo, really, I won't bite...
ReplyDeleteSo why don't you let me suck that thang mister?
Hands down best post.
ReplyDeleteYou're a total dick, Owl.
ReplyDeleteWhy the squinty eyes, owl? Is the moonlight hurting your eyes? If you're as smart as you pretend to be you would invest in some Ray-bans. What a puss!
ReplyDeleteYa, he's stoned...they're all a bunch of loser potheads. All night with the "whooo's got some Doritos?".Owls piss me off.
ReplyDeleteI pooped on an owl once.
ReplyDeleteLast dessert he enjoyed was a tootsie pop.
ReplyDeleteI've never even met Owl. I guess I'm just not cool enough.
ReplyDeleteWhat an arrogant fucking animal!
ReplyDeleteThat was very very retarded. Just be happy that owl is not your size, otherwise he would be ripping your head off and swallowing it whole. And we would rejoice.
ReplyDelete