Friday, April 3, 2009

Fuck you, Bigfoot

>>FANTASY ANIMAL WEEK<<

I wasn't going to include Bigfoot as a fantasy animal, because I know he is neither fantasy nor an animal, but when I got in touch with his office they refused to let me through to talk to him, and when I asked for a photo all they did was send me this blurry piece of shit that I don't even think is actually him. I called back and let them really have a piece of my mind, and then I told them I was running the "Bigfoot is a phony" story. So they sent me this photo to prove he was just a regular guy! Um, ARE YOU CALLING ME SPECIESIST, BIGFOOT, THAT'S HARRY FROM HARRY AND THE HENDERSONS. I know the fucking difference between one giant ape-like creature and another, you condescending jerk-off.

So fuck you, Bigfoot, for all I care you are a fantastical piece of shit that doesn't give a fuck about the little people. I wouldn't film you out of focus from far away if you were the last folk legend on earth.
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49 comments:

  1. S-ManApril 3, 2009 at 5:46 AM

    Bigfoot is hot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Joan of Argghh!April 3, 2009 at 5:51 AM

    Fuck you, Bigfoot, and the crypto-zoologist you rode in on.

    ReplyDelete
  3. garritoApril 3, 2009 at 6:00 AM

    And that goes double for your cousin, Yeti. Know what's abominable? How much your big feet stink, the both of ya. Try some XXXL Dr. Scholl's.

    ReplyDelete
  4. CamApril 3, 2009 at 6:01 AM

    That dudes a walking advert for Gillette!

    ReplyDelete
  5. LaurenApril 3, 2009 at 6:02 AM

    How many fucking history channel and discovery channel specials are they gonna devote to this loser? Fuck you bigfoot and your agent who has it in good with th networks.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 3, 2009 at 6:07 AM

    Oh my bigfoot is scary!

    ReplyDelete
  7. DHApril 3, 2009 at 6:21 AM

    Next thing you know, he'll be claiming he was the one on the grassy knoll, too. Phony fucker.

    ReplyDelete
  8. QuercusApril 3, 2009 at 6:41 AM

    If Patty and Harry really are the same Bigfoot, then she must have really let herself go.
    The seventies were hard on a lot of people...

    ReplyDelete
  9. WalterApril 3, 2009 at 6:48 AM

    What a fake asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Melody!April 3, 2009 at 7:04 AM

    That bigfoot needs some pink stuff! A smart pant suit with a little bit of accessorizing would be nice! At least that is the way I see it!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Funny in My MindApril 3, 2009 at 7:16 AM

    Dude, you need a trim.....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jessica MooneyApril 3, 2009 at 7:25 AM

    Don't even get me started on what a colassal asshole Bigfoot is. I worked for the guy--nazi doesn't even come close to the way this guy treats his employees! And when you try to confront him, he runs away. I, mean, what is that? You can't run and hide forever Bigdouche! Damn it! This just pisses me totally off. Friday is RUINED!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Will NiccollsApril 3, 2009 at 7:45 AM

    This hairy jerk again? BTW, the reason he won't go away is that he has the same agent as Elvis.

    HEY BIGFOOT AND ELVIS: THE 1970'S CALLED, THEY SAID TO STOP BOTHERING MODERN SOCIETY, YOUR TIME = PASSED.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The Finder ThingsApril 3, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    "I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside. Look out, he's fuzzy, let's get out of here." <3 mitch hedberg

    ReplyDelete
  15. MonaLisaApril 3, 2009 at 8:20 AM

    Dude. You're not supposed to BATHE in Rogaine! Stupid fuck....

    ReplyDelete
  16. KimApril 3, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    Bigfoot is a phony? Say it ain't so!

    ReplyDelete
  17. The Cheap-Arse Film CriticApril 3, 2009 at 8:52 AM

    Wyths think they're sooooooooo special. Arseholes.

    ReplyDelete
  18. The Cheap-Arse Film CriticApril 3, 2009 at 8:53 AM

    I meant "Myths" in that last comment. Although the word "Wyth" is funny just to look at.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AgnèsApril 3, 2009 at 8:54 AM

    Someone needs a hairs cut.

    ReplyDelete
  20. GillianApril 3, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    What if Bigfoot IS blurry?

    ReplyDelete
  21. chuck pApril 3, 2009 at 8:56 AM

    It looks like a bums diaper exploded all over you... clean yourself up for gods sake.

    ReplyDelete
  22. SebharApril 3, 2009 at 9:16 AM

    http://twitter.com/therealbigfoot ...asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  23. AnonymousApril 3, 2009 at 9:18 AM

    Did you catch his memoir? http://roumieu.com/books.php?order=5

    ReplyDelete
  24. ThomeApril 3, 2009 at 10:06 AM

    He is real, he actually spells his name Bigg Foote and lives just past the big rock in Vancouver.
    http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=2223757445&ref=ts

    ReplyDelete
  25. PhilBApril 3, 2009 at 10:16 AM

    Fuck you, Bigfoot. You have a penis the size of a pencil!! That's why you hide like you do. If I had a pencil dick, I would hide too.

    Plus I think you are a pedifile. You want to fuck little boy monkeys.

    Go fuck yourself bigfoot. Get therapy!!

    Phil
    p.s. squirrels are perfect. Check out my blog dedicated to my love of squirrels. Where are my fucking MEDS!!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Nicole oh-so LovelyApril 3, 2009 at 10:20 AM

    Nessy the Loch Ness monster is not happy about this.....

    Her office would have not only called you back...but would have sent you her portfolio.

    x's & o's,
    www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

    ReplyDelete
  27. Heather CherryApril 3, 2009 at 10:27 AM

    Wow, Bigfoot. You suck. At least Nessie is kinda cute. You're not even mildly cute.

    ReplyDelete
  28. RoshniApril 3, 2009 at 12:18 PM

    well its a relief to know that bigfoot sometimes takes vacations and days off from scaring people in the Himalayas!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Chris FinlayApril 3, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    I am suggesting you cover the wolf pigeon http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1905980

    ReplyDelete
  30. Candy's daily DandyApril 3, 2009 at 1:35 PM

    No way dude, Bigfoot is real.
    He was featured in the National Enquirer and everything.

    ReplyDelete
  31. SidecarsallyApril 3, 2009 at 1:40 PM

    Bigfoot fucked me in the ass one time, but he had a REALLY tiny penis. It was so weird because I remember thinking, "Wow, his dick is small for being 8 feet tall."

    He must have descended from Asia.

    ReplyDelete
  32. AnonymousApril 3, 2009 at 2:18 PM

    The Loch Ness Monster will be so pleased to hear that you've sworn off Big Foot.

    Who's the #1 not-real animal now, BITCHES!?

    ReplyDelete
  33. Big AssholeApril 3, 2009 at 3:04 PM

    No, trust me - Big Foot IS real. I worked in his campaign a few years back until he refused to debate with Nader and pulled the plug. I was pissed. He still owes me a check

    ReplyDelete
  34. JApril 3, 2009 at 4:19 PM

    Dear Bigfoot,

    More like BigFAKE.

    Jerk.


    Regards,
    Everyone
    http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  35. A N Mangham, Arch ChemistApril 3, 2009 at 6:19 PM

    hey everyone. Vote for me! I'm running for mayor of Madison Wisconsin on a strictly zero-tolerance for sasquatch platform. How long must we suffer from the menace of these hairy fuckers?

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dr. Jay SWApril 3, 2009 at 6:21 PM

    Has it occurred to you smartasses that Bigfoot might be Jesus?! Fuck you all for your blasphemy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. BrianApril 3, 2009 at 6:22 PM

    Yo, Bigfoot is a straight up dildo.

    ReplyDelete
  38. exapologistApril 3, 2009 at 10:18 PM

    What a fat, furry, fuck.


    In the immortal lryics of Tenacious D:

    "Take a look at the plaster cast of his foot now ya' know he's real.

    Listen real close to the audio tape that ain't no human now ya' know he's real.

    Ain't no man in a gorilla suit no fuckin' way now ya' know he's real.

    REAL real REAL real REAL real REAL real really real REAL"

    ReplyDelete
  39. B. BooApril 3, 2009 at 11:01 PM

    that's my DAD!

    ReplyDelete
  40. The Kitty City GazetteApril 4, 2009 at 1:45 AM

    this is awesome

    The Kitty City Gazette gives you 6 fu@3king stars!

    ReplyDelete
  41. WR April 4, 2009 at 6:03 AM

    So, Big Foot worked Nader's campaign. Well, now that peice of political silliness makes sense.

    A word of advise Big Foot: Stop the forest cruising. Not cool plus you smell like rotting leaves. Work on some dreds, learn to play the drums and join a band. That would work.

    ReplyDelete
  42. DaveApril 4, 2009 at 7:04 AM

    Everyone keeps saying his feet are so big. Who knows that to be true? Ever seen the guy at DSW? I think not.

    ReplyDelete
  43. AndreaApril 4, 2009 at 9:56 AM

    stupid Frame 352
    Patterson and Gimlin can eat my shorts

    ReplyDelete
  44. ASSHOLE BOYFRIENDApril 4, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    But Bigfoot loves all of you, he even wishes you all a "Happy Valentines Day" (bigfoot is pretty bad with dates).

    ReplyDelete
  45. AnonymousApril 5, 2009 at 12:43 PM

    So, when are you going to rant about the Loch Ness Monster? Or El Chupacabra? The Jerzey Devil?

    ReplyDelete
  46. HRH King Friday XIII, Ret.April 6, 2009 at 11:17 AM

    You know what they say about imaginary primates with big feet, don't you?

    ReplyDelete
  47. UnknownApril 7, 2009 at 8:37 PM

    "I wouldn't film you out of focus from far away if you were the last folk legend on earth."

    That's right. Preach it.

    ReplyDelete
  48. AnonymousApril 7, 2009 at 9:19 PM

    Asian kid would look like Bigfoot if his bowlcut was shaved

    ReplyDelete
  49. cotorraApril 10, 2009 at 9:03 AM

    i bet the bastard doesn't even pay child support.

    ReplyDelete

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