Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Imaginary animals are supposed to, oh, I don't know, require imagination

>>FANTASY ANIMAL WEEK<<

COME ON, JACKALOPE. A rabbit with antlers? This was the best you losers could come up with? You know, if I was a fake animal, I'd throw in some cool shit, like wings, and laser eyes. All you did was put one thing from another animal onto a completely normal animal! Um, okay, a puppy with a trunk for a nose! I call it a elephuppy. A fox with a beak! I call it a fuck, and then I'll let it glance in your general direction.

Don't even look at me that way, because even if I could pet you I probably wouldn't, since you failed so royally. You had an infinite number of possibilities, Jackalope, and you picked this one. And now you are going to have to not live with it for the rest of your non-existent life. Deal with it.
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45 comments:

  1. DHApril 1, 2009 at 6:02 AM

    Is this "fantasy animals week" or "animal fantasies week"? HMMM? HMMM?

    ReplyDelete
  2. KurtApril 1, 2009 at 6:03 AM

    Okay. Normally I jump in and insult the animal in question, but I defer to your prowess and the excellence of this post.

    "Elephuppy"? Did I just read that?

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 6:03 AM

    Lol a Jackolope....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jessica MooneyApril 1, 2009 at 6:11 AM

    I just vomitted my breakfast Jackalope! You're not gonna win friends or influence people being so damn hideous! Why don't you and your friend Unicorn go back to your fantasy land. And die!

    ReplyDelete
  5. CamApril 1, 2009 at 6:22 AM

    I'm thinking a pot, some potatoe's...couple of onions. Dash of chili and he's ready!

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 6:31 AM

    fuck this shit.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Will NiccollsApril 1, 2009 at 6:43 AM

    WTF? Did he think we'd want to make a bunch of pathetic jokes, like "That's one horny rabbit" badaBUM! YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT HUMOR MAKES ME WANT TO HANG MYSELF.

    Stupid rabbit. I've seen poodles dressed as reindeer that had more dignity.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Candy's daily DandyApril 1, 2009 at 6:43 AM

    Jackalope; what a dope!

    ReplyDelete
  9. BWass and MCApril 1, 2009 at 6:58 AM

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackalope


    i guess the shope papilloma virus was more than you bargained for, huh, rabbit? you got what you deserved.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Aaron DaviesApril 1, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    my pet wolpertinger finishes his beer, belches, and heads back to the kitchen to see if his jackalope hasenpfeffer is ready yet....

    ReplyDelete
  11. QuercusApril 1, 2009 at 7:15 AM

    I'm sorry, but you know fuck-all about jackalopes. I have encountered numerous specimens of winged jackalope, some with feathery legs to boot. Have you never been to South Dakota?
    Laser eyes... not so much.

    ReplyDelete
  12. OzarkTroutBumApril 1, 2009 at 9:06 AM

    What a maroon!!

    Wait, didn't another imaginary rabbit already say that?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Heather CherryApril 1, 2009 at 9:27 AM

    Thanks to that hack Dave Coulier I used to think you were real! Totally lame that you're not. So, just... go. LEAVE! I mean it, Jackaloupe.

    At least I still have dragons...

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 9:50 AM

    you are ridicious jackalope. and absurd. don't give me that vacant look, that "oh, look at me, I'm just a jackalope over here not existing." my cheetahlop will come and eat you for dinner. he's faster than you. and hungry.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I2cartsApril 1, 2009 at 10:06 AM

    Okay. Normally I jump in and insult the animal in question, but I defer to your prowess and the excellence of this post.
    Sell Digital Products

    ReplyDelete
  16. KelseyApril 1, 2009 at 10:47 AM

    Antlers aren't even cool, Jackalope. You could have at least gotten yourself some sweet wings or a few rows of shark teeth.

    What are antlers going to do for you? Make you look scary? Newsflash. It. Didn't. Work.

    ReplyDelete
  17. GChevy410April 1, 2009 at 11:45 AM

    If you are going to attack imaginary animals go for the Liger. It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

    Wait, what the fuck? You have got to be kidding me...Liger you fuck. You just had to force your way into existence didn't you.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liger

    ReplyDelete
  18. GChevy410April 1, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    Ha ha ha ha seriously? There is also a Tigon!!!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tigon

    ReplyDelete
  19. display nameApril 1, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    Sporting those antlers. Like you're SOMEBODY.

    ReplyDelete
  20. GChevy410April 1, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    I have a love hate relationship with Wiki...

    A Pumapard? Really?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pumapard

    ReplyDelete
  21. kingstreetfarmApril 1, 2009 at 12:14 PM

    That's actually some decent photoshopping.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Nicole oh-so LovelyApril 1, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    Just remember...Fennec Fox's and Pink Dolphins are real...

    scared & alone,
    www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. UnknownApril 1, 2009 at 12:26 PM

    Jackalope, I aught to shoot you, and mount your head on my wall to use as a hatrack.

    Oh wait, I already have one. Well, I guess a man can never have too many Jackalope head hatracks, so c'mere!

    ReplyDelete
  24. MishiApril 1, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    Jackalope April Fools pranks:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By9sHP1MWVk

    ReplyDelete
  25. SarahZombieApril 1, 2009 at 12:54 PM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg1CRgUjYVo

    I <3 the supersuckers & not jacaklopes. They have a creepy eye.

    ReplyDelete
  26. UnknownApril 1, 2009 at 1:15 PM

    ubuntu 9.04 jaunty is real :D.

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 3:14 PM

    Ate one today, in fact!

    Tasted like chicken.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    So if a unicorn's horn can neutralize poison, can a jackalope's antlers neutralize... um... carrot juice?

    ReplyDelete
  29. UnknownApril 1, 2009 at 4:36 PM

    Someone needs to write a complaint letter about this high fiving mother fucker! I can't. He killed me with his wittle paws ARGHFFFF

    http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photo_StoryLevel/080506/080506-jaguar-hmed-830a.hmedium.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  30. NickolasApril 1, 2009 at 7:30 PM

    Fox + Duck + Female Sheep = Fuck Ewe

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 8:56 PM

    http://ww2.lafayette.edu/~hollidac/jacksforreal.html

    jackalopes are real!

    ReplyDelete
  32. JApril 2, 2009 at 3:01 AM

    Dear Jackolope,

    You're not fooling anybody. Your "antler" trick is no better than then ol' "arrow-through-the-head" trick that humans try to pull.

    Get out of my face.

    Regards,
    Everyone
    http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  33. WR April 2, 2009 at 4:52 AM

    It's too early (or perhaps it is too late...) to be having existential flights of imaginary fancy. The horns, by the way, are so last year.

    Go Eat grass somewhere else and stay out of California "Jack" ~ we don't need your mental complications.

    ReplyDelete
  34. UnknownApril 2, 2009 at 11:31 AM

    Can we get pass the fantasy animals. Lets talk about the space bear. No really there is a space bear and it can live in suspended animation for years. Really look it up.

    ReplyDelete
  35. MonaLisaApril 2, 2009 at 1:37 PM

    Pfft... you call yourself a 'jackalope'.

    Why then, muthahfukkah, do you sport DEER antlers?!? You're not a jackalope, you're a REINUNNY!

    What, you thought we wouldn't notice? That we don't know the difference between one ungulate-lapin hybrid and another?!?

    WELL WE DO, YOU LITTLE CREEP!!

    Listen, I know it sucks to be you. The Easter Bunny doesn't like you, Santa can't use you, and you keep accidentally goring the kiddies at the petting zoo.

    But this is just sad, man. Be yourself. And get the fuck out of here.

    ReplyDelete
  36. kelApril 2, 2009 at 2:09 PM

    as long as we're fantasizing...i want a zebrilla!

    ReplyDelete
  37. RoshniApril 2, 2009 at 2:57 PM

    'Fuck' is just too good!!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  38. gregoryyyApril 2, 2009 at 7:55 PM

    I just found this out.

    Their babies,are called" lookiloos" !

    ReplyDelete
  39. StewApril 3, 2009 at 1:01 AM

    I'd like to see Rau "fuckwit" Comfort's crocoduck
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Crocoduck

    ReplyDelete
  40. UnknownApril 4, 2009 at 10:26 AM

    This is not a jackalope. jackalopes have horns like antelope. this is clearly a jackadeer.

    ReplyDelete
  41. RachelApril 6, 2009 at 8:43 AM

    http://academic.wsc.edu/faculty/raberto1/explorers_club/black_hills_pix/Brian%20Franzone%20Photos/Jackalope.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dejahmi by Beth RespessApril 6, 2009 at 9:22 AM

    Thanks a lot, man. I had managed to keep the fact that the jackelope wasn't real a secret from my husband until he saw your post. He's crushed. With santa and the Easter Bunny discovered on our honeymoon, I thought I'd be able to salvage what little child-like wonder he had left with the jackelope. But thanks to you, he now has nothing left to believe in.

    I fully expect you to cover the expense of our marraige counseling for as long as it takes to save our now crumbling relationship.

    Fuck you, blog guy.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Nancy CoppockApril 7, 2009 at 6:16 AM

    Wait, are you like trying to say I am a figment of my own imagination?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Chittagong FunApril 23, 2009 at 10:18 PM

    Fantastic !!

    ReplyDelete
  45. myusikahDecember 3, 2009 at 6:17 PM

    Jackalope. You should see that one short film by Pixar. It's got a Jackalope in it that says "heliotrope" which is epically insane.

    ReplyDelete

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