Monday, March 30, 2009

At least I exist, pretty boy

>>FANTASY ANIMAL WEEK<<

What makes you so great, Unicorn? It just seems like you are a horse with some superglue, big fucking deal. Oh you're on posters all over the walls of pre-teen girls? Seriously, Unicorn, how's that working out for Corey Haim? And the fact that you can neutralize poison with your horn, DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO ONLY EXIST IN DREAMS.

By the way, the director's cut of Blade Runner? Were you only in that because of some contractual obligation? It made no sense, Unicorn. You need to have a serious conversation with your agent.
at

62 comments:

  1. The Cheap-Arse Film CriticMarch 30, 2009 at 6:49 AM

    Unicorns.

    Christ.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Clicky OverloadMarch 30, 2009 at 6:49 AM

    Hahaha!
    I just HAVE to say it out loud:
    FUCK YOU, UNICORN!

    ReplyDelete
  3. KurtMarch 30, 2009 at 6:53 AM

    No animal is more fuck-upedder than you, you fucking narwal-horn-mistaking son of a bitch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Laila PMarch 30, 2009 at 7:01 AM

    Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMarch 30, 2009 at 7:03 AM

    Unicorns are like the devil only they have a horse dick.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anjee D.March 30, 2009 at 7:08 AM

    C'mon, Unicorn. Even a lifetime's worth of posing for purple-and-pink Lisa Frank stickers couldn't make us forget your role in the movie Legend. It's been two decades, and where has that movie gotten anyone? Tom Cruise is bat-shit crazy now, and you STILL DON'T EXIST.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Melody!March 30, 2009 at 7:17 AM

    These unicorns are here to help and give us hope! I think that unicorns are nice! They are nice just like horses! I do not know why they are called unicorns though.

    ReplyDelete
  8. UnknownMarch 30, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    Fuck you unicorns. Just because I tried to catch one of you to kill you and drink your blood so I could live forever doesn't mean that you can prance around in front of me, showing off your speed and uncatchability.

    ReplyDelete
  9. DoublebankerMarch 30, 2009 at 7:19 AM

    At least there isn't an extra point somewhere else...

    http://dailygifblog.com/

    DB

    ReplyDelete
  10. garritoMarch 30, 2009 at 7:25 AM

    I'm going to close my eyes. When I open 'em, you better be gone or it's the imaginary glue factory for you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. PhilBMarch 30, 2009 at 7:29 AM

    yeah...I agree!!

    Fuck you horse with the dildo glued to your forehead. And the fairy God damned mother fucker that tells little girls that they are a princess? Fuck you too!!

    Thank you for letting me vent,

    Phil

    ReplyDelete
  12. gregoryyyMarch 30, 2009 at 7:34 AM

    Show Off.......

    ReplyDelete
  13. get in hereMarch 30, 2009 at 7:39 AM

    I wouldnt pick my arse with his stupid hat.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousMarch 30, 2009 at 7:49 AM

    Blade Runner was originally a movie entirely about unicorns. But they didn't test well at all in focus groups, so some studio exec came up with the bright idea to cover up Ridley Scott's awful, horrible picture with a bunch of random sci-fi future crap.

    Not a lot of people know that.

    ReplyDelete
  15. BeckEyeMarch 30, 2009 at 7:53 AM

    I used to love unicorns until they started cavorting around with Tom Cruise. What an asshole thing to do.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lillian WeyMarch 30, 2009 at 7:59 AM

    Dick.

    ReplyDelete
  17. susanMarch 30, 2009 at 8:02 AM

    My son was born with a pointy head. It does make him very special.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Joan of Argghh!March 30, 2009 at 8:04 AM

    Obama can fart rainbows. Can you, Unicorn?

    Didn't think so.

    My Little Pony wannabe.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousMarch 30, 2009 at 8:05 AM

    So faking gracious...

    ReplyDelete
  20. The MouseMarch 30, 2009 at 8:20 AM

    I'm pretty sure that the fact that he can neutralize poison with his horn means he has a moral obligation to exist outside of the dream world. I mean, seriously dude.

    ReplyDelete
  21. BMarch 30, 2009 at 9:30 AM

    i met a unicorn once, and he was a douche.

    ReplyDelete
  22. JMarch 30, 2009 at 9:30 AM

    Dear Unicorn,

    Shadowfax is MUCH better than you. Get off your high horse.



    Regards,
    Everyone
    http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  23. Jessica MooneyMarch 30, 2009 at 9:32 AM

    Unicorn get the hell out of here. You better run Unicorn! Cause when I catch up with you I'm snapping that horn off and it's shish kebab time!

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousMarch 30, 2009 at 9:33 AM

    this unicorn is arching his back ... que fresco!

    ReplyDelete
  25. diMarch 30, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    Well at least it's not a pegasus. Six appendages? REALLY?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Dr ZibbsMarch 30, 2009 at 9:49 AM

    Gayest animal ever.

    And speaking of gay, check out my latest post where I've been straight bashed.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Nicole oh-so LovelyMarch 30, 2009 at 10:41 AM

    completely overrated in Harry Potter....why was he even in that???

    Must be British....must be friends with Sir Elton John

    cheerio,
    www.yourbabyisanasshole.com

    ReplyDelete
  28. MoMarch 30, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    Exactly. LOVE this.

    ReplyDelete
  29. DHMarch 30, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    (Note: Obscure Shel Silverstein/Irish Rovers reference ahead!)

    If you would have only heeded Noah's call and gotten on the Ark, dumbass, you and your ilk would be prancing around the world to this day.

    ReplyDelete
  30. NatDMarch 30, 2009 at 11:10 AM

    I had a random dream last night in which my husband WAS a unicorn, who then transformed into a man.

    Way to go, Unicorn. Thanks a fucking lot!

    ReplyDelete
  31. UnknownMarch 30, 2009 at 12:20 PM

    Unicorn, you're just a colossal dick head.

    ReplyDelete
  32. UnknownMarch 30, 2009 at 12:53 PM

    I dont think that worked out too well for Corey Haim. Watch yourself Unicorn, or your the next unwanted guest at Feldman's house!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Bakso BanditMarch 30, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    Whats with the mane..man? Crimps?? You seriously need a GHD dude.

    ReplyDelete
  34. kathleen dueyMarch 30, 2009 at 3:16 PM

    Well, this one looks like a jerk,arrogant and photoshopped to make him look taller and thinner and with that stupid paint-on texture on his horn.

    But the one I interviewed for a story I was asked to write told me stuff that astounded me. The truth is much worse than all the things you have said here.

    Not just arrogant and silly. They are dangerous. Spread the word.

    ReplyDelete
  35. AllgaulMarch 30, 2009 at 8:19 PM

    Fantasy Animal Week? I have a reason to wake up happy again!
    Oh and Unicorn? Stay out of my dreams so I CAN wake up happy.

    ReplyDelete
  36. BreenyMarch 30, 2009 at 9:00 PM

    Unicorns don't even EXIST! I don't even know how you got a PHOTO!!

    ReplyDelete
  37. UnknownMarch 30, 2009 at 9:56 PM

    Not to be a total tool, but this is one of the best posts, and I feel EXTREMELY compelled to repost the same sentiment:

    "Shadowfax is MUCH better than you. Get off your high horse."

    Reposted from:
    http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  38. WR March 30, 2009 at 10:07 PM

    So many things that don't exist ~ really do. Just look at the government for god's sake. Why would a Unicorn be any different? In fact, the Unicorn is probably on the FBI informant payroll. The end of innocence as we once knew it....thanks a lot FUP!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Dr. Jay SWMarch 30, 2009 at 10:39 PM

    You KNOW where you can stick that horn...fuckin' unicorn....

    ReplyDelete
  40. StaceyMarch 30, 2009 at 10:53 PM

    No way. I'm sorry, but I got to stand up for the unicorn. They are the most majestic fucking animals ever (whether in reality or in dreams). Anyone who hates on unicorns can fucking burn in hell with the heartless cum-suckers like them. Prance on unicorn. Prance the fuck on.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Evil MonkMarch 30, 2009 at 11:59 PM

    Where are the skittles it purportedly shits?

    I want my Fucking SKITTLES you hack!

    ReplyDelete
  42. DevikaMarch 31, 2009 at 2:20 AM

    This is too much. It took my hours to get over the amazement. AH!

    ReplyDelete
  43. The JulesMarch 31, 2009 at 2:31 AM

    I'm not a fan of imaginary animals like unicorns and tapirs.

    Just too fanciful.

    ReplyDelete
  44. exapologistMarch 31, 2009 at 2:42 AM

    Unicorns: like horses, but hornier.

    ReplyDelete
  45. QuercusMarch 31, 2009 at 7:06 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Fragrant LiarMarch 31, 2009 at 7:09 AM

    Gorgeous. Where can I get me one?

    ReplyDelete
  47. UnknownMarch 31, 2009 at 7:11 AM

    You need to make a book! NOW!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Ji HyunMarch 31, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    Hey I thought you might be interested in this page.

    http://www.desicolours.com/is-there-anything-cuter-than-this/04/02/2009

    Thanks for the laughs. I love baby animals but you do have a point!

    ReplyDelete
  49. mediainnMarch 31, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    It's not a unicorn. It's a fucking unihorn. There's no fucking corn. How can it be a fucking unicorn when there's no corn? It's a fucking horn. Given that it doesn't fucking exist anyway, who fucking cares? I don't.

    Sincerely,

    Tom

    ReplyDelete
  50. MonaLisaMarch 31, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    Oh, fer Cryssakes! A fuckin' UNICORN?!? Are you SHITTIN' ME???

    There are no virgins here for YOU, you spikey-headed freak. Go! Go now before... what're you doing? Don't... GET BACK!! DO NOT NUZZLE ME WITH YOUR WARM, VELVETY-SOFT MUZZLE!!

    (*...aww....*)

    ReplyDelete
  51. Candy's daily DandyMarch 31, 2009 at 5:29 PM

    The dreams of thousands of tween girls have been shattered by this post.

    Unicorn-outer..

    ReplyDelete
  52. charissimoMarch 31, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    I'm sending you a bill for some new underwear because I piss myself laughing every time I read this blog.

    Gapbody Mediums - low rise bikini, in case you were wondering.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Kathleen March 31, 2009 at 6:38 PM

    Wait a second here...is that Unicorn's mane actually crimped?? So, what- he's planning on hitting Studio 54 after the photo shoot? The 70's called, Fancy Boy, and they want their crappy hairstyle back.

    ReplyDelete
  54. UnknownMarch 31, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    No. No. You know what? Fuck YOU, FUP. You got us used to daily posts and now suddenly you're not delivering. What, are you too busy to think of something funny? Or maybe you think that you've fun out of adorable animals to yell at?

    WELL GUESS WHAT, FUP, THERE ARE THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF SPECIES, AND IT'S PRETTY LAME THAT YOU'RE LETTING THEM GET AWAY WITH THEIR BULLSHIT.

    Get on the fucking ball, FUP. Get on the ball, or suffer.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Tuesday TaylorMarch 31, 2009 at 8:31 PM

    I love rainbow unicorns with silky ribbons bareback

    ReplyDelete
  56. kpl4booksMarch 31, 2009 at 8:48 PM

    I'm pretty sure that unicorns are significant in the Blade Runner Directors Cut. The Harrison Ford Character really is an android, his past is made up. We know this because he keeps dreaming of unicorns. At the end of the flick, the other blade runner has figured all this out and leaves a unicorn in his trial to signify that he knows Harrison Ford's secret 'past.' Its great and subtle film making.

    ReplyDelete
  57. VanessaApril 1, 2009 at 10:17 AM

    Corey Haim, HA!

    ReplyDelete
  58. DaveApril 2, 2009 at 8:56 PM

    I work in a diner. Unicorns are shitty tippers. This I know is true.

    ReplyDelete
  59. byron m boonApril 5, 2009 at 6:53 PM

    Excuse me. EXCUSE ME.

    The unicorn in Bladerunner makes perfect sense. I'll explain this simply.

    1. Deckard dreams of the unicorn.

    2. Gaff places a unicorn at his apartment at the end. How can Gaff know that Deckard dreams of unicorns unless...

    3. Deckard's memories are also pre-programmed.

    4. Deckard = replicant.

    ReplyDelete
  60. golublogApril 11, 2009 at 10:19 AM

    Aww unicrons are my favorite though.

    ReplyDelete
  61. UnknownApril 16, 2009 at 5:32 PM

    If Unicorns don't exist, how is my panda bear riding one as we speak?

    ReplyDelete
  62. Joshua GuerciMay 7, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    brilliant.

    ReplyDelete

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