Monday, April 27, 2009

Stingrays forget their name is a dead giveaway


I know you think you are going to get me to come over there and give you a big hug, Stingray. And, yeah, I am pretty impressed with your winning smile, I'm not going to lie. But you have "sting" right there in your name. I mean, Manta Ray, no problem, let's hug like crazy. Devil Ray, okay, not really kosher, but I can handle that, bring it in. But Stingray? I'm gonna need something a lot more convincing than those soft eyes and flappy wings, buddy. Maybe, like, a signed agreement that you won't sting me.

Beyond that, Stingray, there isn't much I can do for you. So please, stop smiling like that, or at least only get photographed from the top so no one can see it. It makes you look desperate.
at

54 comments:

  1. UnknownApril 27, 2009 at 11:02 AM

    I still haven't forgotten how you killed Steve Irwin. I'm watching you buddy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tanvi MadkaikerApril 27, 2009 at 11:03 AM

    Hahahahahah!
    Never a let down!

    ReplyDelete
  3. BioPeachApril 27, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    What the fuck is there to smile about in the middle of the ocean anyway?

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownApril 27, 2009 at 11:21 AM

    Every time I see one of these little bastards, I punch them right in their fake smiling faces. A creature that'll stab you with its tail, no matter how infrequent, deserves no less.

    ReplyDelete
  5. BarbApril 27, 2009 at 11:22 AM

    Does the stringray look like Casper the Friendly Ghost to anyone else?

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousApril 27, 2009 at 11:23 AM

    I just love that you approach this with the assumption that he wants a hug. :) That totally cracks me up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aayla SecurityApril 27, 2009 at 11:24 AM

    Oh my God, this is one of the creepiest smiles I've ever seen. It makes me think of all the fucked up Japanese-ghost faces that I was certain only exist in our twisted imagination. Way to ruin my faith in nature, Stingray.

    ReplyDelete
  8. MermandaApril 27, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    Keep your barb the hell away from me! You aren't fooling anyone.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fragrant LiarApril 27, 2009 at 11:47 AM

    Stingray looks all innocent,
    Floating along with the current,
    You try to look all elegant,
    But really you're a pissant.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Alice DreadpunzelApril 27, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Alice DreadpunzelApril 27, 2009 at 11:59 AM

    stingray is such a jerk. He could use a beanie cap on top of his stoopid little head. argh. he gives me angry love.

    ReplyDelete
  12. WalterApril 27, 2009 at 12:30 PM

    I can't lie, I'd probably huge him anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Laila PApril 27, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    Lol! He looks like a cuddly ghost.

    ReplyDelete
  14. ConnieApril 27, 2009 at 12:42 PM

    I never trust anyone with a smile like that.

    ReplyDelete
  15. susanApril 27, 2009 at 12:46 PM

    What's wrong with loving a sting ray? DId you not see his face? Oh yeah. Piercing giant barb on tail. You're soup, fucker.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Jessica MooneyApril 27, 2009 at 12:52 PM

    I want to punch you Stingray, and turn that smile upside down into a frown!

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousApril 27, 2009 at 1:35 PM

    Spiritual stingray, do not dare slaughter my soul!

    Just as Timothy Treadwell, "Grizzly Man" entreated you as the "Hindu floaty thing" for environmental redemption, I too seek your forgiveness, for surely you are the holiest of human-imagined, marine ghosts!

    Pareidolian Prayers :P

    ReplyDelete
  18. AnonymousApril 27, 2009 at 1:47 PM

    Voldemort!

    ReplyDelete
  19. BarbApril 27, 2009 at 1:57 PM

    ^^ That comment was brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  20. BlondeBeeApril 27, 2009 at 2:05 PM

    Him and Babe the Pig are totally out to harm us humans!

    ReplyDelete
  21. UnknownApril 27, 2009 at 2:15 PM

    this guy thinks he can outsmile George Foreman! http://archives.starbulletin.com/2001/01/10/features/story1.html

    ReplyDelete
  22. Bakso BanditApril 27, 2009 at 2:28 PM

    Whats with the full gut and the smile? What have you just eaten? And put some damn pants on!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Darin A.April 27, 2009 at 2:32 PM

    Man, what a passive-aggressive ass.
    Looks harmless enough trying to offer a hug, but really wants to feel you up with his stinger.

    ReplyDelete
  24. JApril 27, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    Dear Stingray,

    We know what hides behind that smile. Lies and deception.

    Charlotte's Web and the movie Babe taught us that Pigs were kind, gentle, respectable. But know we know they've been secretly carrying the deadly Swine Flu.

    What about you, Stingray?

    Stingray Flu?! You jerk.


    Regards,
    Everyone
    http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/2009/04/dear-pig.html

    ReplyDelete
  25. UnknownApril 27, 2009 at 2:40 PM

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  26. WR April 27, 2009 at 4:21 PM

    I think he forgot to put his dentures in this morning. Looks more like a grimace than a smile.

    Send him an electronic hug (you know, if you REALLY need to hug something)...
    ((mr. ray ))... kind of like safer sex but different.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Funny in My MindApril 27, 2009 at 5:00 PM

    Stupid stingray. We really loved Steve, you're cousin did him in.....

    ReplyDelete
  28. umamaApril 27, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    love this!!!

    ReplyDelete
  29. capebreton902April 27, 2009 at 6:17 PM

    Iz THAT what those big wings are realy for? grasping yer prey to hold em still while you stings 'em? Talk about yer Ohai!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. AmeliaApril 27, 2009 at 6:39 PM

    You can smile all you want, Stingray. But we all know what your deal is. You are a smug, lethal oceanic Always maxi pad with wings. Not falling for it this time, Stingray.

    ReplyDelete
  31. RoxieApril 27, 2009 at 7:07 PM

    loves it

    ReplyDelete
  32. Lindsay B.April 27, 2009 at 7:21 PM

    I've never seen the underside of a stingray before. I'm officially creeped the hell out.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Jo NicholsonApril 27, 2009 at 7:50 PM

    I'm a social worker in a nursing home, so his dentures are probably in my office.

    ReplyDelete
  34. KelseyApril 27, 2009 at 10:54 PM

    I wouldn't be surprised if "Mr. Stingray" had a few charges relating to oogling minors, judging from that creepy smile.

    ReplyDelete
  35. AnonymousApril 28, 2009 at 2:12 AM

    looks like a ghost from a studio ghibli movie

    ReplyDelete
  36. GraApril 28, 2009 at 5:13 AM

    I think it's disgusting the way he just lets it all hang out. What if I was taking my children to the aquarium and one of these nostril-flaring monstrosities swum up and went "way-hay! Check out my junk, kids!" What would i tell them? It's a disgrace.

    ReplyDelete
  37. get in hereApril 28, 2009 at 5:43 AM

    I want to punch it in the neck.

    ReplyDelete
  38. indigoApril 28, 2009 at 6:53 AM

    yeah, well, you people should at least at least attempt to empathise with the pain caused by never being allowed to play outside at school with the other kids JUST IN CASE YOU KILLED SOMEONE.

    ReplyDelete
  39. AnonymousApril 28, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    Cute little smiling stingray, you are really not that innocent....

    ReplyDelete
  40. Kafka Stole My BikeApril 28, 2009 at 8:11 AM

    I recognize that smile: it's similar to my, "I swear I'm not going through your trash" smile.

    If my experience has taught me anything, you'll get a phone number from a nice lady, call her 9 times in one night leaving messages professing your undying love. Her boyfriend will get upset when you slash his tires. You'll have your buddy at the DMV run her plates so you can find her. Judge Watkins will ask why you're getting another restraining order. You'll cry for days.

    I don't want to see you go down the same road I....er...um, a "friend" of mine did. It hurts, Stingray.

    ReplyDelete
  41. GabbyApril 28, 2009 at 11:03 AM

    I've been stung by you jackasses before. "Kitten of the Sea" - what a load of bullshit. You had my crying and shaking in pain for 90 minutes while I was supposed to be enjoying myself of a beautiful beach. I hate you, stingray. I hate you.

    ReplyDelete
  42. capebreton902April 28, 2009 at 2:47 PM

    Why isn't he the stab-ray? If you can kill a big, strapping aussie dude with that thing on the end of your tail, yer a stabber, not a stinger! The smile is such false advertising! 'Come 'er little bud, lemmi stab you in yer heart!'

    ReplyDelete
  43. AnonymousApril 28, 2009 at 4:12 PM

    I bet that's the same smile you used on Steve Irwin, Stingray. You are a grade A douchebag.

    ReplyDelete
  44. parlez-vous-kiwiApril 28, 2009 at 5:01 PM

    Its the beady eyes that get me.

    ReplyDelete
  45. UnknownApril 28, 2009 at 9:35 PM

    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/11/BBQ_stingray.jpg/200px-BBQ_stingray.jpg

    YUM!

    ReplyDelete
  46. MoreLikeThisApril 29, 2009 at 10:34 PM

    Looks like Batman's albino kid flying in the sky.

    ReplyDelete
  47. mm_michaelsMay 4, 2009 at 10:54 AM

    I LOVE YOU!

    ReplyDelete
  48. LJune 17, 2009 at 8:10 PM

    stingrays can be domesticated!

    ReplyDelete
  49. monkeyboySeptember 18, 2009 at 5:45 PM

    So, we finally meet the badass who shares the same name as a kid's 1960's era 20 inch bike. Big whoop! Where's your banana seat? What's that you say? You're named after a Corvette? I think not, goofball.

    ReplyDelete
  50. DPHNovember 1, 2009 at 12:24 PM

    DON, I WANT TO TALK. PLEASE LETS WORK THIS OUT. WE WERE "WINNING" WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. WE ARE "LOSING" NOW. EVERYONE IS HURTING. I KNOW SNOOCKUMS MISSES ME. I MISS YOU ALL. IT'S MORE COMPLAINTS COMING YOUR WAY, BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. I JUST WANT TO WORK IT OUT THE RIGHT WAY. DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CHAIN OF COMMAND AND THE OTHERS THAT ARE INVOLVED. WHY END THEIR CAREERS IN THIS PLEASE. I'M RESEND MY COMPLAINTS IF YOU RESEND YOURS.

    ReplyDelete
  51. anne archyDecember 29, 2009 at 6:03 PM

    I can't believe I lost my virginity to that guy:(

    ReplyDelete
  52. DanFebruary 19, 2010 at 2:03 PM

    Its an eagle ray.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  54. UnknownApril 1, 2011 at 8:25 PM

    You think you're so hot because your digit has mud flaps! I bet they're more trouble than they're worth.

    ReplyDelete

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