Friday, May 29, 2009

No one wants to hang out with eels


Goddammit, Eel, I'm just trying to do a little snorkeling here. Don't act like I came all the way over here to chill with your green ass, you Barney-looking motherfucker. You know what friends do for each other, Eel? They help you move to a new apartment, they give you high fives, and they say things like "Here, lemme get that for you." ARMS SOUND MUCH BETTER NOW, DON'T THEY EEL? So sorry to burst your bubble here, Eel, but maybe next time you'll wait until you have an actual reason to get excited.

This always happens with eels, you know, you take a wrong turn at the reef, and all of the sudden you are hanging out with a fucking eel that is telling you stories about his day and pulling out his keyboard to show you a new song he wrote about his ex-girlfriend. Well I'm not going to pretend like I'm enjoying myself, I've got more important shit to do. For example, later today I plan on going to the aquarium and mellowing out some egos. NO YOU CAN'T COME EEL. It's personal.
at

43 comments:

  1. J. WoodburyMay 29, 2009 at 6:19 AM

    Is he smiling at the camera? What an asshole! Ham it up you soon-to-be-my-sushi-lunch motherfucker!

    ReplyDelete
  2. trulymadlydeeplyMay 29, 2009 at 6:34 AM

    How the fuck is he supposed to pull out a keyboard if he doesn't have arms?
    GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHT.
    And heed the sign. Eels are like electric fences. IN WATER.

    ReplyDelete
  3. furiousBallMay 29, 2009 at 6:45 AM

    hey fucker, know this... if you didn't have teeth, you'd be my belt.

    love,
    furiousBall

    ReplyDelete
  4. Polly HoggMay 29, 2009 at 7:01 AM

    he looks so earnest...

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousMay 29, 2009 at 7:26 AM

    Awesome creepy looking animals!

    ReplyDelete
  6. camille infanteMay 29, 2009 at 7:31 AM

    He will probably bust out a harmonica or some type of flute to play you that song. But that doesn't make it cool.

    ReplyDelete
  7. KurtMay 29, 2009 at 7:49 AM

    Fuck eels. I'm all "Hey look at this cute snake underwater, with a big smile!" and then it eats my fucking face. d

    ReplyDelete
  8. E. PetermanMay 29, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    Stoner eels. They'll never amount to anything.

    ReplyDelete
  9. david cMay 29, 2009 at 8:27 AM

    fucking eels.

    ReplyDelete
  10. MetzMay 29, 2009 at 9:12 AM

    Looks like my gramma with her teeth out.

    ReplyDelete
  11. BioPeachMay 29, 2009 at 9:34 AM

    Eel, you're armless & ugly yet you're laughing at me?
    If I weren't a vegetarian I'd slurp your ass up like a noodle.

    Get bent, eel. And I meant that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. AnonymousMay 29, 2009 at 9:39 AM

    That eel is such a douche.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mister 1-2-3-4May 29, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    Get the hell outta there before he starts regaling you with his medley of "Eelings," "The Way You Make Me Eel," and "Eel Like Making Love!"

    ReplyDelete
  14. Laila PMay 29, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    Look at that little expectant smile!

    ReplyDelete
  15. WilliamMay 29, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    Pretentious little bastard.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ChloeMay 29, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    Shit, eel, I can't believe you showed up here. You bought me ONE drink and now what? You think I'm going to drop trow for a $4 G&T?! I CAN'T LAY IT OUT ANYMORE CLEARLY, EEL. We're two different species asshole. Get a fucking hobby.

    ReplyDelete
  17. get in hereMay 29, 2009 at 12:49 PM

    I can't actually say anything bad about this eel. He ate my ass out once and it was amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. MakuluwoMay 29, 2009 at 1:43 PM

    AWW. Look at his face. Even -I- can't say no to the little bugger.

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousMay 29, 2009 at 2:08 PM

    Oh hey Eel! I'm home early and I brought you some... What's wrong Eel, you look anxious? What are you hiding Eel? There better not be anyone in there! Angelfish? That clown fish tickling your balls again? We're over motherfucker! Did that get through your semi-permeable membrane -- OVER! You are literally nothing more than a giant asshole with a face so take that shit-eating look you are wearing and EAT MY SHIT!

    ReplyDelete
  20. trekkerMay 29, 2009 at 3:11 PM

    You Suck eel! You left me for a clown fish you, Fuck! Slimy Slithering Two Timer! Sushi too good for you. Cat food! Fuck you EEL!

    ReplyDelete
  21. AmeliaMay 29, 2009 at 6:08 PM

    ugh. good lord, Eel. haven't you ever heard of playing hard to get? of course not. look, you're not bad looking. and maybe if you had more of a personal life going on. but lately it seems i don't even put the key in the lock and there you are, popping your head out, asking me what's new and if i want some of the pasta you're making. i should do the nice thing and say it's not you, it's me... but we both know it's you, Eel.

    ReplyDelete
  22. WR May 29, 2009 at 8:53 PM

    The Eel has no shame. It is obvious that if it moves he's all over it! Just putting notches on his belt...which is weird considering he lacks legs and arms. What a pervert!

    ReplyDelete
  23. mel gMay 30, 2009 at 12:53 AM

    this is funny because i actually went to the aquarium and hung out with eels today. then i came home and saw this post. am i a nobody?

    ReplyDelete
  24. UnknownMay 30, 2009 at 1:11 AM

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  25. AnonymousMay 30, 2009 at 6:24 AM

    This douchebag looks like he's been on an all night bender of meth and Mad Dog. I'm keepin' my distance.

    ReplyDelete
  26. AidanMay 30, 2009 at 7:44 AM

    how do these twatbags even play keyboard? CLUMISLY THAT'S HOW! And they're lyrics are so cliche

    AJ
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  27. baba yagaMay 30, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    he's got that desperate-for-a-friend look on his face. like the brittle smile that cracks into a thousand tears
    after half a beer.

    ReplyDelete
  28. EricMay 30, 2009 at 11:30 AM

    Maybe a good prank to play sometime would be to move that eel to a jar of pickles, because hey, someone would think the pickles were biting back.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Kerri LoveMay 31, 2009 at 11:17 AM

    I'd give you the finger but you'd eat it and I'm not falling for that twice!

    ReplyDelete
  30. DHJune 1, 2009 at 12:10 PM

    If an eel reaches out....and it bites off your snout....That's A Moray!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. loosegrapeJune 1, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    Dunesdreamer, thanks for the guffaw. Very good.

    ReplyDelete
  32. nltismeJune 1, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    Ugly aquatic sumbitch......

    ReplyDelete
  33. by Jessica HoppeJune 2, 2009 at 9:39 AM

    Looks like a toothless granny saying: want more cookiethsdf?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Lowflyin' LolanaJune 2, 2009 at 8:58 PM

    this eel is fucking cool.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Toad734June 3, 2009 at 1:24 PM

    Ya this happened to me but I actually went up to him. Apparently they can fuck your shit up.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Fuck You, Fuck You, PenguinJune 3, 2009 at 7:44 PM

    http://fyfyp.blogspot.com/2009/06/fyp-claims-that-no-one-wants-to-hang.html

    ReplyDelete
  37. SlumberlandJune 4, 2009 at 3:30 PM

    Wow, he really has some nerve...

    ReplyDelete
  38. First Draught FarmJune 5, 2009 at 7:32 AM

    Never laughed so hard in my life, Eel.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Abbie RoadJune 5, 2009 at 7:39 AM

    that's the face ONLY a mother could LOVE

    ReplyDelete
  40. 52songsJune 7, 2009 at 6:30 PM

    that eel ruined the party

    ReplyDelete
  41. KenJune 21, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    Everybody sing:
    When a fish bites your heel,
    And you think it's an eel,
    That's a moray.

    ReplyDelete
  42. HoboSimianOctober 5, 2009 at 3:01 AM

    Never mind the eel, already! Check out 10 o'clock by the eel's head. Somebody please tell me if that is some kind of SEA NIPPLE!

    ReplyDelete
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