Monday, May 4, 2009

What is even going on here?


Here we go. The silky fucking hen. What is this thing thinking when it goes outside every day? It's like David Bowie meets Tim Burton meets Colonel Sanders. Did you just step out into the light after a night of clubbing? CHICKENS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO COCAINE, SILKY HEN.

I'm just going to be honest: I'm terrified of you. I don't know if it's the pom-pom specifically or just that I didn't know it was possible to get whites that white, but something about your look says "I'm coming to steal your dreams." So stay away from me, you dream-stealing poultry devil.
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80 comments:

  1. Laila PMay 4, 2009 at 5:20 AM

    What the fuck is that thing? It's terrifying!

    ReplyDelete
  2. MaraMay 4, 2009 at 5:25 AM

    Looks soft....I want to pet it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. furiousBallMay 4, 2009 at 5:26 AM

    i shit bigger cotton balls than you for breakfast

    ReplyDelete
  4. The Unbearable BanishmentMay 4, 2009 at 5:26 AM

    Your funniest post yet. And that's saying something!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Cheap-Arse Film CriticMay 4, 2009 at 5:28 AM

    Yknow thse big hats Russian women wear in the movies?

    Exactly

    ReplyDelete
  6. BarbMay 4, 2009 at 5:31 AM

    Kids, just say no to static electricity.

    ReplyDelete
  7. KurtMay 4, 2009 at 5:38 AM

    Hey Silky Hen! Get the fuck back in that Dr. Seuss book!

    ReplyDelete
  8. WR May 4, 2009 at 5:53 AM

    Hen, you need a full length mirror - way too much for the office!

    The county fairs are months away. Until it's navy blue or black. Read the fine print in the employee handbook FFS.

    ReplyDelete
  9. PersonalFailureMay 4, 2009 at 5:54 AM

    Fros are not for hens, you freebasing bitch!

    ReplyDelete
  10. ms toast burnerMay 4, 2009 at 5:56 AM

    The Phil Spector of the poultry.

    ReplyDelete
  11. MakuluwoMay 4, 2009 at 6:12 AM

    LMAO!
    It looks like a wasted heavy metal fan who wants to put a roofie in your daughter's drink. :O

    ReplyDelete
  12. JenniferMay 4, 2009 at 6:26 AM

    BZA, I adore you.

    I want to inhale your fear and your wit.

    YUM.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousMay 4, 2009 at 6:32 AM

    You know my room could use a little swiffering....

    ReplyDelete
  14. Eva G.May 4, 2009 at 6:36 AM

    Monday sucks less because of you, FUP. Thank you for telling it like it is. This stupid critter is like the Paris Hilton of hen whores. Enough with the cocaine already, fluff stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  15. MonaLisaMay 4, 2009 at 6:37 AM

    What happens when you lock Phyllis Diller in the henhouse overnight?

    THERE ARE LAWS AGAINST THAT KIND OF THING, PHYLLIS!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. The Devil's Daughter-In-LawMay 4, 2009 at 6:53 AM

    "Dream-stealing devil", indeed! Looks like my mother-in-law on a humid day.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Candy's daily DandyMay 4, 2009 at 7:08 AM

    LOL at Mona Lisa...

    THAT is a serious fashion don't.

    ReplyDelete
  18. UnknownMay 4, 2009 at 7:42 AM

    Of course you're scared, it's the poultry version of Phil Spector

    ReplyDelete
  19. CrysMay 4, 2009 at 8:00 AM

    Phil Spector of poultry ftw

    ReplyDelete
  20. Nicole oh-so LovelyMay 4, 2009 at 8:01 AM

    $20 bets it has red eyes under that fluff

    love,
    www.yourbabyisanasshole.com
    www.nicoleohsolovely.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Caroline D.May 4, 2009 at 8:03 AM

    Now I'm afraid to go to sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  22. The Last WaltzMay 4, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    This is a pimp chicken. A high muckety muck in the illicit chicken sex trade. Like Gonzo, only worse.

    Fucking chickens is WRONG.

    YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM, CHICKEN!
    STOP PERPETUATING THE CYCLE!

    ReplyDelete
  23. The only frog with his own blogMay 4, 2009 at 8:28 AM

    Looks like a fucking muppet

    ReplyDelete
  24. Nancy NewlisMay 4, 2009 at 8:46 AM

    haha LOVE it. Fabulous, dear.

    ReplyDelete
  25. WesMay 4, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    http://www.ericdsnider.com/movies/the-natural-history-of-the-chicken/

    'The Natural History of the Chicken'

    Check out this movie about Chickens. This thing IS a force to be reckoned with. It's saved lives and inspired movies. I have a feeling it won't stop there.

    If you have Netflix, you can stream it. VERY MUCH WORTH KNOWING YOUR ENEMY.

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousMay 4, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    "Dream=stealing poultry devil"?

    LOLOLOL

    ReplyDelete
  27. KelseyMay 4, 2009 at 9:34 AM

    I'm petrified of it only because I can't see its eyes. You never know when it is about to attack. I'm watching you, silky hen.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousMay 4, 2009 at 9:36 AM

    huh, where's the face???

    ReplyDelete
  29. UnknownMay 4, 2009 at 9:44 AM

    I'm OVER HERE you big dopey bastard! Stop looking at your feet!

    ReplyDelete
  30. BioPeachMay 4, 2009 at 11:55 AM

    This is your 3-piece meal on drugs...

    ReplyDelete
  31. AnonymousMay 4, 2009 at 12:33 PM

    Puff the magic drag hen!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Fragrant LiarMay 4, 2009 at 12:48 PM

    Silky, silky,
    Your feathers are so milky.
    But I know your uppity side,
    You got janky, cranky, haughty pride.
    You kick banty hen butt,
    Cluckin' all crazy with that strut,
    Then puff out your frilly headdress,
    Cuz you think it will impress us.
    Ha, nice try.

    ReplyDelete
  33. MoreLikeThisMay 4, 2009 at 12:53 PM

    Take the Saks Fifth Avenue coat off and it's just Kentucky Fried Chicken.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Cap'n Ergo "XL+II" JinglebollocksMay 4, 2009 at 12:59 PM

    if I blow on it's head, will all the feathers float away on the wind and make NEW chickens, and will I get a wish if I do so??

    ReplyDelete
  35. SGHMay 4, 2009 at 2:11 PM

    and, btw Hen, stop trying to seduce my children with your "rock and roll" records

    ReplyDelete
  36. AnonymousMay 4, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousMay 4, 2009 at 2:38 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  38. parlez-vous-kiwiMay 4, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    Awww I want to snuggle it as my pillow. Mmmmmm. So Flufffffy.

    ReplyDelete
  39. EricMay 4, 2009 at 5:13 PM

    Oh, so that's where Q-Tips come from.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Dee at Pedestrian PalateMay 4, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    That's the funniest thing I've read or seen in a long time. Sure made my turd of a day brighter.

    ReplyDelete
  41. AlexaMay 4, 2009 at 5:32 PM

    You think that's bad? They wear their brains on the outside.

    http://www.burkesbackyard.com.au/img/archive/328/malecomb_31.jpg

    ReplyDelete
  42. umamaMay 4, 2009 at 5:59 PM

    where are the eyes!?

    ReplyDelete
  43. BrianMay 4, 2009 at 6:23 PM

    Thank God there's at least ONE funny blog out there...

    ReplyDelete
  44. Gael RiverzMay 4, 2009 at 6:26 PM

    I have never been so insulted on behalf of silkies everywhere. Stupid crappy cross-dressing penguin protestors who shouldn't be sullying the penguin name with their racism.
    A nicer chicken you couldn't hope to meet. These are clear reactions to a photograph with absolutely no responsible effort at getting to know any silkie hens or roosters on an individual basis, which would enable them to draw accurate conclusions rather than spouting rude and raucous cat calls. This effort to elevate themselves 'above' the silkie is pathetic and does not even dignify a response, even though I responded.

    ReplyDelete
  45. UnknownMay 5, 2009 at 3:40 AM

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Eugenia BorkowskiMay 5, 2009 at 8:43 AM

    stuff and nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Phat MamaMay 5, 2009 at 10:28 AM

    I'm sure it will be less horrifying once covered in the original recipe.

    ReplyDelete
  48. ElayneMay 5, 2009 at 10:38 AM

    Phat Mama, not likely... its flesh is dark blue.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silkie_(chicken)

    ReplyDelete
  49. AnonymousMay 5, 2009 at 10:45 AM

    Whoa!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Tharaniga L. RajahMay 5, 2009 at 1:15 PM

    <3

    ReplyDelete
  51. Mr. FuriousMay 5, 2009 at 5:34 PM

    It has a freakin' henfro. That aint right.

    ReplyDelete
  52. AllgaulMay 6, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    Wearing white before Memorial day, silky hen? Tisk tisk.
    I bet it wears white AFTER LABOR DAY, too.
    We have RULES, silky hen. Read the fine fashion print!

    ReplyDelete
  53. Joshua GuerciMay 7, 2009 at 1:54 PM

    silly hen, cocaine is for kids!


    ...couldn't resist

    ReplyDelete
  54. TiffanyMay 7, 2009 at 10:21 PM

    He looks like he wants to start an 80's hair band. Or at least cover one.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oaktown GirlMay 8, 2009 at 9:50 AM

    Sometimes I can't even get to reading your actual post because the title alone is making me laugh so hard. This is one of those times.

    ReplyDelete
  56. JMay 8, 2009 at 12:31 PM

    Dear Silky Hen,

    The '80s called, they want their hair back. And their coke. You're the kind of asshole who always asks for coke but never pays for it.

    We hate those people.

    Regards,
    Everyone
    http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  57. Josh ElliottMay 8, 2009 at 8:15 PM

    My chicks would kick that freak's ass--
    http://3chixaday.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  58. DPLassenMay 8, 2009 at 10:57 PM

    I guess we know how Bjork will dress at next year's Oscars.

    www.davidlassen.com

    ReplyDelete
  59. jbMay 9, 2009 at 11:29 AM

    Hey Penguin

    Whats wrong with cocaine and pom-pom's? I think your being mean now.....everyone needs to let loose once in a while even silky chickens fuck.....leave the hair out of this,its all Aveda products and their not tested on animals....so take that penguiy. Bowie...is my bother by the way fucker.

    Cheers
    JB

    ReplyDelete
  60. Intrepid in the Kitchen- JdG:May 12, 2009 at 6:09 PM

    It makes me want to use it to put blusher on- puffy puffy puff puff! LOVE it!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Dean MurrayMay 16, 2009 at 10:39 AM

    Gelfling! Friend? Gelfling Friend???!!! GELFLING!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  62. UnknownMay 17, 2009 at 3:55 PM

    they have black skin and meat. weird.

    ReplyDelete
  63. nltismeMay 20, 2009 at 4:25 PM

    Colonel Sanders is spinning in his grave at this sumbitch!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Katie-MauxJune 12, 2009 at 12:22 PM

    By far my favorite post. yeah, fuck you fuzzy hen.

    ReplyDelete
  65. JayJune 17, 2009 at 12:23 PM

    I dated her in the '80's.

    ReplyDelete
  66. UnknownJune 26, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    I have two kids. Younger is 9, older 6. Vibrant colorful t-shirts suit perfect on them - I'm looking for them.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Steve OrnerJuly 19, 2009 at 7:18 PM

    We have two of these things, and I was seaching the net to see if ours are the only stupid ones, and came across this blog. I'm laughing hysterically at the post and the comments. They go under our chicken house all the time and cant figure out how the hell to get out so they sit beside each other and chirp. I have to go under after them armed with a 2X4 to scare them out. Sometimes they even quack like ducks.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Ellipsis~In~AbsentiaSeptember 11, 2009 at 8:59 PM

    OMFG - my body almost literally imploded the moment I saw the utter hilarity that is this creature.

    Keep your fingers out the socket next time, Jackass!

    ReplyDelete
  69. RandySeptember 16, 2009 at 1:52 PM

    It's called conditioner, asswipe. And don't give me that, "My CVS doesn't have a poultry care aisle," bullshit.

    ReplyDelete
  70. furiousgeorgeSeptember 28, 2009 at 3:48 PM

    Silky Hen, it would be wise of you not to go walking by my house or I will grab you by your Silky Hen legs and USE YOUR FUCKING HEAD TO CLEAN MY FUCKING TOILET! Where are these stupid things from anyways? I'd bet the farm it's French. Stupid France.

    ReplyDelete
  71. HoboSimianOctober 4, 2009 at 3:42 AM

    River Sol said "Puff the Magic Drag Hen".
    I wish I said that! Effing. Brilliant.

    I also wish that I said "dream-stealing poultry devil".

    As for you Silky, I'll see you in hell!

    ReplyDelete
  72. blehNovember 24, 2009 at 11:10 AM

    'Dream-stealing poultry devil' is a phrase that I will now be stealing and using in day-to-day speech.

    ReplyDelete
  73. myusikahDecember 3, 2009 at 5:29 PM

    It looks like a cotton fluff...or like it came out of a disco. What the heck, make up your mind!

    ReplyDelete
  74. UnknownFebruary 3, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    thinks he's so cool just because he can steal dreams...pfft douchebag

    ReplyDelete
  75. koti huMarch 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM

    Mmmm...I bet you taste like chicken you little idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Gregg RosenzweigApril 8, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    Thanks for introducing me to this beast. Now I'll never sleep at night. Ever. Again.

    ReplyDelete
  77. UnknownJanuary 7, 2011 at 9:33 PM

    I have almost died laughing at this. Anyway I can be in touch with the Matthew Gasteier? I have a film project I would love to involve him in.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Violet BlackMay 8, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    I want a silky chicken now!! I will leave it outside my door to eat the dreams of unwanted visitors. <3

    ReplyDelete
  79. casanofJune 4, 2011 at 1:21 PM

    It looks and feels as a hairy cock!

    ReplyDelete
  80. FrannyMarch 15, 2012 at 3:54 PM

    @furiousBall: You shit cotton balls for breakfast?!

    ReplyDelete

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