Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Japan+Animals=Fucking Disaster


If this was a one-time thing, I would let Japan go. This puppy could have been born anywhere, and really it's just as rude to have a heart on your fur in Germany as it is in Japan. But this sort of thing has happened before. Look at this cow. Now look back at the puppy. Now look at the cow again.

What the fuck, Japan? What are you doing to animals over there? Are email chains that important to you? What other kind of shapes are you going to come up with once hearts lose their novelty factor?

THAT'S FUCKING IT: JAPAN IS NOW A PART OF THE AXIS OF CUTE. This list also includes South Korea, China, and Luxembourg (not even going to link to that bullshit).

But even if Japan somehow gave this puppy a heart-shaped mark on its fur, that's no excuse for that look. So fuck you, Puppy. I just discovered a giant threat to our liberty right across the ocean, this is no time for me to fly over there and nuzzle your freedom-hating ass.
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46 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 8, 2009 at 5:49 AM

    Proof that this puppy is evil: I literally cannot look away from it. My heart broke as I tore myself away from the tab to write this comment...

    It's not right. It's just not right.

    ReplyDelete
  2. tea_pleaseJuly 8, 2009 at 5:56 AM

    I don't know if that puppy is to blame...maybe when he's older, you know? Right now all I see is a child crying to me from his eyes to call the authorities.

    Glad you're on it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. GojiroJuly 8, 2009 at 5:56 AM

    Looks like that puppy's been at it 24/7, too. I SEE THOSE BAGS UNDER YOUR EYES, PUPPY. Give it a rest, for fuck's sake.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Matt, Robin, and EliJuly 8, 2009 at 5:58 AM

    That puppy needs to be stopped.

    Check out this obnoxious badger. He got wasted and passed out in the street and got off with a warning because he's "cute":

    http://www.thelocal.de/society/20090708-20453.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. tcs3600July 8, 2009 at 6:08 AM

    He's going to regret that tattoo when he graduates and has to think about getting a job.

    ReplyDelete
  6. CamJuly 8, 2009 at 6:12 AM

    Is that a heart, or the inprint of someone's butt cheeks?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Debra She Who SeeksJuly 8, 2009 at 6:32 AM

    These cutesy animals are clear retribution for Hiroshima. Quit bitchin' -- we deserve it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. That GirlJuly 8, 2009 at 6:47 AM

    yeah wait until that fucking puppy turns into a fucking creator-eating dog. it will have revenge.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Talk With No ThoughtJuly 8, 2009 at 6:54 AM

    A heart? Should be more like devil horns. I will not be sucked in by your patronizing "love." Not buying it, you bastards.

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJuly 8, 2009 at 7:23 AM

    Ha, heart shapes on animals... Just love it!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Glory von HathorJuly 8, 2009 at 8:53 AM

    Don't try and pull any of that Kawaii shit on me you disgusting little adorable puppy.

    ReplyDelete
  12. UnknownJuly 8, 2009 at 8:57 AM

    Thanks, Japan. I can now use this as a target to make sure I hit this abomination with an exploding arrow right in the actual heart, Rambo-style.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mike!July 8, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    That cute little heart shaped mark on his fur is a sure sign that this cute little son of a bitch (Go ahead little dog, TRY denying your mother was a bitch. You can't can you?), where was I?... Oh yea, cute little son of a bitch can and will, transmogrify at will into a fire-belching, two story tall, fucking robot with laser eyes and shit just to frightening to imagine, so don't try and will go out into neighborhoods kicking over trash cans, blowing stuff up and just being a general nusance. I'm on to these Japanese genetic altering experiments like a chicken on a June bug, they make them this fucking cute so they can get close and then cut you into tiny colorful ribbons. Fuckers!

    ReplyDelete
  14. mel gJuly 8, 2009 at 11:04 AM

    hahahahaha i just got back from Japan and all their animals are really way cuter than anything ever ... hearts or no hearts....

    ReplyDelete
  15. @elohJuly 8, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    Japan, well then I'll have a side of rice with this little f'er.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The Beached BlondeJuly 8, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    hmm well something tells me that hes been tampered with, like genetically,cross bred, which means hell probalby die young, with lots of health problems, so dont worry he wont be cute for long he probably wont live till 10

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJuly 8, 2009 at 12:48 PM

    We all know STARS are next.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ConnieJuly 8, 2009 at 1:13 PM

    I have a bit of vomit in my mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  19. BioPeachJuly 8, 2009 at 1:54 PM

    Puppies are dangerous. Why do you think they've got him in a cage?And what about that violent gang tattoo on his fur?

    I cross the street when I see creatures like this coming.

    ReplyDelete
  20. GainaJuly 8, 2009 at 3:11 PM

    Relax, people. It's not genuine, the little bastard has just been screwing around in photoshop.

    Shame on you, I.T. puppy.

    ReplyDelete
  21. AnonymousJuly 8, 2009 at 4:16 PM

    Japan: Reclaiming domination of the Pacific Rim one obnoxiously cute puppy at a time.

    SA

    ReplyDelete
  22. nltismeJuly 8, 2009 at 4:50 PM

    Cute little heart-having bastard! Damn you for making me want you...same for the freaking cow! Damn you all!

    ReplyDelete
  23. WilliamJuly 8, 2009 at 5:01 PM

    Godzilla, watch your fuckin' back.

    ReplyDelete
  24. EricJuly 8, 2009 at 5:15 PM

    I worry they are engineering them, like square watermelons. They puppy probably has a pokery name like the 'Jackal of Hearts' or something. Dang.

    ReplyDelete
  25. WR July 8, 2009 at 5:58 PM

    This is dangerous - it will spread. Asian canine cuteness - what is next...electronics?

    ReplyDelete
  26. NoelleJuly 8, 2009 at 7:13 PM

    Hey puppy, did you drink too much saki last night and wake up with that? And with no idea how you got it? Dumb ass!

    ReplyDelete
  27. 52songsJuly 8, 2009 at 7:47 PM

    SUGOI!!! haha.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Simply Mel {Reverie}July 8, 2009 at 10:24 PM

    I just found your blog, and I am so glad I did...I'm never leaving! Tears are rolling down my face I'm laughing so hard - thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  29. xJuly 9, 2009 at 4:25 AM

    Finally! A Penthouse for us Japanese puppies! Does anyone have that cute little babe's number or Messenger Live ID? I have a beautiful little furry bow just below my anus that would make us a perfect couple.

    ReplyDelete
  30. UnknownJuly 9, 2009 at 2:12 PM

    Dude, I've watched enough anime to know how this works. This guy is the final boss. You see a guy from behind holding him the whole movie and talking in some uber deep japanese man's voice. Then after you kill that guy the puppy looks at you and starts laughing in THAT SAME VOICE.

    Don't fall for it people. Get within 50 meters of that jerk and next thing you know he grows a bunch of cock tentacles and starts screwing the bejesus out of you.

    ReplyDelete
  31. MakuluwoJuly 9, 2009 at 7:06 PM

    LMFAO! The cow and puppy are SO innocent and adorable looking, that it's almost EVILLL.

    ReplyDelete
  32. girl6July 9, 2009 at 11:20 PM

    Fucking puppies, man.

    Not to sound like a bigot or anything but way to live up to your stereotype, asshole. What? I'm just speaking the truth and I'm sorry that it's politically incorrect to call out a narcissistic attention ho when I see one.

    Look, my dog hangs out with a puppy at the dog park--he's even been to our house once. But he was a hard worker and graduated from puppy school. If he can do it, any puppy can.

    But look at Mr. Youknowyouwantme. This jack-off will never work a day in his life.

    Just so you know, that spot is not some random genetic whatever. The little bastard ripped out my heart and pinned it to his side. So, see. I'm justified in my attitudes.

    Anyway.

    That fucking calf with his soft eyes and big shiny nose and tuft of curly hair on top of his head is just overkill. I don't care how cute his knees are. Fucking take it down a notch.


    Ha! word verification: nocute

    ReplyDelete
  33. ChloeJuly 9, 2009 at 11:26 PM

    I'm laughing way too hard at the "part of the axis of cute" thing. Waaay too hard.

    ReplyDelete
  34. girl6July 10, 2009 at 12:42 AM

    This is what puppies do. They force you to perpetuate your own abuse. I was done. I was out. I'd packed my bags and I was gone. But now I'm back.

    You bastard! I hate you! I love you!

    ReplyDelete
  35. Jun OkumuraJuly 10, 2009 at 2:50 AM

    Why are you dumping on cute? And Japan?

    * THAT'S FUCKING IT: JAPAN IS NOW A PART OF THE AXIS OF CUTE.*

    …axis…

    Ooohh, I get it. It’s Pearl Harbor, isn’t it?

    Look, get over it, we said we’re sorry. Hey, we surrendered, for God’s sake, what more do you want us to do? And this, from a guy who votes for Obama and thinks that makes up for the last 300 years.

    I don’t know what to say about you, FYP, except that you have some serious, serious, unresolved potty issues. Or something like that.

    ReplyDelete
  36. CatsparklesJuly 10, 2009 at 7:45 AM

    Cute is insidious. It lurks in our own country, too.

    http://tinyurl.com/2vzpvk

    ReplyDelete
  37. Lady PJuly 11, 2009 at 12:30 AM

    flying over and nuzzling??? oh no - that last bit said it all
    you have gone over, haven't you
    to the dark side
    you are now weighing in on the cuteness axis and allowing it to tip,slip, slide in their favor
    come back. come back I say!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  38. UnknownJuly 11, 2009 at 3:01 PM

    Check out the panda mastermind in the front row of the China link:

    http://personal.stthomas.edu/dbass/SixteenBabyPandas.jpg

    He's not even smiling... he knows what he's doing to us.

    ReplyDelete
  39. UnknownJuly 13, 2009 at 1:28 AM

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Pretty ZestyJuly 13, 2009 at 8:16 AM

    Don't they do glow-in-the-dark breeds too? I wonder who would win in a fight?

    ReplyDelete
  41. AiAugust 22, 2009 at 3:43 PM

    You realize that it runs in the family, right? Here's this pups younger brother.

    http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/slideshow/photo/090806/ids_photos_wl/r3062423169.jpg/

    ReplyDelete
  42. UnknownAugust 30, 2009 at 1:05 AM

    You know, that birthmark CAN be surgically removed. Hand me the Makita Sawsall, please.

    ReplyDelete
  43. GreySky72August 30, 2009 at 8:17 AM

    Holy Shit I just discovered your blog and I can stop laughing!! Then I found this post... I shit you not I have a picture of a baby horse with a perfect heart on his forehead and yes... I was in JAPAN working with racehorses when I took it! I'm sending it to you, do what you will with it or not. Hahaha thanks for this awesome blog

    ReplyDelete
  44. GreySky72August 30, 2009 at 8:17 AM

    Can't stop

    ReplyDelete
  45. UnknownDecember 17, 2009 at 2:46 AM

    where was I?... Oh yea, cute little son of a bitch can and will, transmogrify at will into a fire-belching, two story tall, fucking robot with laser eyes and shit just to frightening to imagine, so don't try and will go out into neighborhoods kicking over trash cans, blowing stuff up and just being a general nusance.

    online phd degree | fake degrees | diploma online

    ReplyDelete
  46. UnknownMay 22, 2010 at 2:44 AM

    With the iPad Dock, you get easy access to a dock connector port for syncing or charging, and an audio line out ipad docks

    ReplyDelete

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