Monday, July 6, 2009

On The Origin of Douchebags


What kind of sleazy joint are they running on the Galapagos Islands? With all the unsolicited come-ons, it seems like it's just one giant orgy down there. This guy seems waaaay overconfident, like he's taking every fourth tourist behind the fucking bushes for some afternoon delight. Personally, I'm not going to be seduced by some dinosaur wanna-be that thinks a laid-back demeanor and a shit-eating grin is going to convince me to sully my honor.

So no, Land Iguana, I don't want to see your condo, even if it is just around the corner. I think it's a good idea for you to just go back under whatever rock you crawled out from, most likely the one right in front of you that you probably actually crawled out from under.
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35 comments:

  1. publishing_jmsJuly 6, 2009 at 5:27 AM

    What a sleaze-bucket. I'm surprised the police haven't come after this one for solicitation.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Cheap-Arse Film CriticJuly 6, 2009 at 5:43 AM

    He is having you with his mind...

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  3. AnonymousJuly 6, 2009 at 6:13 AM

    He should be locked up with that nonsense.

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  4. PersonalFailureJuly 6, 2009 at 6:22 AM

    I feel like he's already seen me naked.

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  5. UnknownJuly 6, 2009 at 6:50 AM

    He looks like he wears medallions and shirts open to the waist when he's not lounging around on the beach.

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  6. KelseyJuly 6, 2009 at 6:52 AM

    This isn't a nude beach, Land Iguana! Put some freaking clothes on!

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  7. skwilliJuly 6, 2009 at 6:58 AM

    And I certainly don't want to see your wrestling medals from high school!

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  8. BioPeachJuly 6, 2009 at 7:10 AM

    He's undressing you with his eyes...

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  9. Talk With No ThoughtJuly 6, 2009 at 7:25 AM

    He told me I was the winner of a drawing, and to claim my prize i just needed to follow him back to his rock. I should have never believed a bastard like him.

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  10. BunneeJuly 6, 2009 at 7:35 AM

    That is one crazy-ass come-hither look, you got goin on, Iguana. I could be drunk out of my mind and I wouldn't fall for that shit. Denied, bitch!

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJuly 6, 2009 at 7:49 AM

    If you listen carefully, you can hear the mating call of the land iguana...

    "giggity giggity"

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  12. PhilBJuly 6, 2009 at 8:38 AM

    That creepy-ass grin tells me that he is getting blown by a tourist that he lured behind his rock.

    Fucking pervert!!!

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  13. Glory von HathorJuly 6, 2009 at 9:14 AM

    The Warren Beatty of Reptiles.

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  14. @elohJuly 6, 2009 at 9:34 AM

    OOOOO I love a little beach porn...sexy...

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  15. the un-brideJuly 6, 2009 at 9:37 AM

    The title of this actually made me spit. Also, I'm sending this to Sleazebag's human equivalant asap.

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  16. AnonymousJuly 6, 2009 at 10:29 AM

    Oh my that arrogant look on his face... :-P

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  17. Mike!July 6, 2009 at 11:10 AM

    He thinks he's Jabba the fucking Hutt.

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  18. UnknownJuly 6, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    His eyes are kind of making me hot!

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  19. Lady PJuly 6, 2009 at 1:34 PM

    Yeah - he has that kinda breath that would knock you out cold and you'd be in his lair before you knew whether his condo was on time-share or just rented by the hour

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  20. AnonymousJuly 6, 2009 at 2:45 PM

    well hello there cutie...

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  21. TechnogeekboyJuly 6, 2009 at 4:35 PM

    You can play coy all you want, but you'll be thinking about him all the way home.

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  22. WR July 6, 2009 at 7:02 PM

    I know this is elitist but - well, the beer gut is unattractive.

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  23. VijayJuly 6, 2009 at 7:06 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  24. SophisticatedBrewJuly 7, 2009 at 6:04 AM

    "Hey baby, come check out my rock."
    "No thank you."
    "Aw, what's the matter? Let me buy you a drink so you can relax."
    "No thank you."
    "Well, that's alright cuz the sight of you leaving is even better than the sight of you coming. But if you came with me, you'd be coming all night. Yow!"

    GROSS.

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  25. vet66July 7, 2009 at 9:40 AM

    Cut the iguana some slack. He is showing his respect for the Michael Jackson festivities.

    By the way, he would be back under his rock but there is a congressman there already at taxpayers expense on a junket to prove Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest.

    Word verification; psycou

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  26. IsonomistJuly 7, 2009 at 10:54 AM

    I feel so dirty. Does anyone know his cell number?

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  27. AnonymousJuly 7, 2009 at 2:46 PM

    Is that a pinky ring I see?

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  28. Evan Thoreau HeigertJuly 7, 2009 at 2:59 PM

    Even Ron Jeremy knows when his time has passed. Hang it up, L.I.!

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  29. AnonymousJuly 7, 2009 at 11:34 PM

    You spit on my food one more time and I promise I will bitch slap you off your Galapagos!

    ReplyDelete
  30. nltismeJuly 8, 2009 at 4:54 PM

    A galapagos guido? Damn.....I believe it is! They grow outside Jersey!

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  31. AnonymousJuly 9, 2009 at 3:58 PM

    What kind of sleazebag lizard has *man-boobs* like this?Won't somebody please think of the children?!!?!

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  32. AnonymousJuly 9, 2009 at 4:01 PM

    What kind of lizard has *man-boobs* like that? Won't somebody please think of the children?!!???!!

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  33. The Silver Spring PenguinJuly 10, 2009 at 7:38 AM

    That lizard is CUT. Probably on the juice.

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  34. I am the BandJuly 13, 2009 at 2:47 PM

    Look, I don't want to side with the Iguana, but I heard that he was just paid for acting the part... Seems like he's fooled everyone.

    ReplyDelete
  35. WonderGirlJuly 14, 2009 at 9:44 PM

    He makes my lady parts wince.

    ReplyDelete

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