Monday, July 20, 2009

Ocelots should be more careful with technology


Dear Ocelot,

I'm really glad you like the blog, but I am actually a human, and therefore I am not attracted to cats. Furthermore, I find your casual distribution of seductive pictures on the internet to be HIGHLY inadvisable, and would recommend that you are more careful with photos of yourself in compromising positions. In order to teach you a lesson, I've posted this photo on the blog so you can see that once something is online, it's forever.

Sincerely,
FUP

PS I don't know if it is you who has been calling my house at odd hours of the night and purring into the phone, but if it is, please stop.

On Sun, Jul 19, 2009 at 1:45 AM, Ocelot [ocelot4you@*********] wrote:
Hey baby,

I love the blog. I thought maybe we could get together some time. Do you happen to live in Costa Rica? E-mail me and maybe we can get together and see what happens? I've attached a pic I hope u like.

Love,
Ocelot
at

45 comments:

  1. AdrianJuly 20, 2009 at 10:34 AM

    LMAO

    ReplyDelete
  2. kunstwerkJuly 20, 2009 at 10:37 AM

    Oh you're back!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Laila PJuly 20, 2009 at 10:58 AM

    What a slut!

    ReplyDelete
  4. BethOJuly 20, 2009 at 11:05 AM

    bahahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  5. BarbJuly 20, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    This is going to come back to bite it. Right when it gets a lead role in a Disney movie.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJuly 20, 2009 at 11:31 AM

    Ugh. Fuck you and your little sweet pink nose, Ocelot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. girl6July 20, 2009 at 11:46 AM

    You think this is bad, you should the MySpace pics.

    Total.

    Skank.

    Ho.

    Next stop, The Smoking Gun Mugshot Roundup.

    I'm telling you, Ocelot. You can't use meth "just until I lose 7lbs".

    You're better off using that "I look like Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes" thingy if you want to steal a reality TV "star" from his wife and eight babies.

    ReplyDelete
  8. hiphophippie.comJuly 20, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    I just broke-up with an ocelot. He was a total man-whore.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousJuly 20, 2009 at 12:13 PM

    http://www.rathergood.com/ocelot

    The leopard one is better, but this one seemed fitting!

    ReplyDelete
  10. nltismeJuly 20, 2009 at 12:19 PM

    I hear this one has a sex tape floating around out there too. I'd steer clear....seems like a total slut to me!

    ReplyDelete
  11. ByronJuly 20, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    That's not an ocelot, that's Chris Hansen trying to bait animal lovers.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mike!July 20, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    Look, just because there's an "A lot" in your name doesn't mean you have to you know. Spotty cat slut. What a whore!

    ReplyDelete
  13. OscarOneJuly 20, 2009 at 12:43 PM

    I dated one once. Everything was going well until our first anniversary and I had to meet her parents. She was all pissy that they made her ride in baggage on the plane; I got pretty upset when the parents served dinner the first night and it was a whole, partially dead young zebra. I was like “You guys east live zebra?!”, and they were like “No, usually mice and rats, but it’s a special occasion…son and law!”

    We broke up about a year ago, and while it's nice to move on the child support payments--all 12 of them--are killing me.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anne HJuly 20, 2009 at 1:17 PM

    Does *something* alot, but I doubt it's *ocelot!*
    Just what, I won't say!

    ReplyDelete
  15. UnknownJuly 20, 2009 at 2:30 PM

    I bet that's one clingy pussy when you break up with her.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousJuly 20, 2009 at 2:54 PM

    Purrrrrr, what r u wearing? :-P

    ReplyDelete
  17. ailsaJuly 20, 2009 at 3:01 PM

    I cant resist, this is such a slutty post...
    How do you titillate an ocelot?
    You oscillate its tit alot.

    ReplyDelete
  18. the un-brideJuly 20, 2009 at 3:01 PM

    It's about time you told off the f**king ocelot. That bastard's had it coming.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Soda and CandyJuly 20, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    What a whore.

    ; )

    ReplyDelete
  20. EricJuly 20, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    Provocative? Sure, but an ocelot is no tiger in the sack. Send your impropriety elsewhere!

    ReplyDelete
  21. RLM3July 20, 2009 at 3:49 PM

    I hope you know someone is encroaching on your way of taking animals down a notch:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8NxAaat-7U

    ReplyDelete
  22. UnknownJuly 20, 2009 at 4:34 PM

    She probably sluts around freely without using any protection! STD laden pussy!

    ReplyDelete
  23. ThersaJuly 20, 2009 at 4:41 PM

    Have you seen this guy?http://www.nydailynews.com/news/galleries/the_worlds_ugliest_animals_/the_worlds_ugliest_animals_.html#ph6

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousJuly 20, 2009 at 6:00 PM

    Ocelot hussey.

    ReplyDelete
  25. ferretluvboneJuly 20, 2009 at 6:25 PM

    That catty bitch!

    ReplyDelete
  26. WR July 20, 2009 at 6:58 PM

    I am mortified! FU,P - were you not just in Paris with a new bride? What the bloom is off the rose already? Not once did you mention to Ocelot that you were in a committed relationship. What a convenient omission. Of course she is calling and leaving purr messages on the voice mail. WE all know where this is going!

    I'm thinking - new reality series!

    ReplyDelete
  27. DHJuly 20, 2009 at 7:20 PM

    Ocelot: from the Latin Oce, to see + alote, pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  28. AnonymousJuly 20, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    Ocelot wants to fuckalot! It's like Paris but with built in fur coats

    ReplyDelete
  29. MJuly 20, 2009 at 9:54 PM

    LOL. Ocelot sounds sexy.

    ReplyDelete
  30. gmarp84July 21, 2009 at 1:04 AM

    God, Ocelot, you're not even eighteen. Slow down there.

    ReplyDelete
  31. BioPeachJuly 21, 2009 at 9:49 AM

    If this spotted floozy ever runs for Miss America, these pictures will end it all...let that be a lesson to young cats with big dreams...

    ReplyDelete
  32. HaroldsMaudeJuly 21, 2009 at 12:58 PM

    really? I heard she was a lesbian, and in a relationship with a manx.

    ReplyDelete
  33. The DangsterJuly 21, 2009 at 1:06 PM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOB6EzZ_TE4

    ReplyDelete
  34. JessicaJuly 21, 2009 at 6:05 PM

    Okay SERIOUSLY! How did I NOT find you before! I was already in tears by the time I got to the third posting. BWAHAHAHAHA!

    xo

    Blueberry

    ReplyDelete
  35. UnknownJuly 21, 2009 at 7:26 PM

    Please. More like Ocelittle.

    ReplyDelete
  36. UnknownJuly 21, 2009 at 7:47 PM

    Oh, Ocelot, I thought we had something real, but as it turns out you're just like all the rest of the attention-seeking whores. Fuck you, Ocelot, and the Horse you rod in on.

    ReplyDelete
  37. AnonymousJuly 21, 2009 at 7:58 PM

    FU Penguin, that's my dead bro after he was shot by hunters. Where's friggin Geragos' number, I'm gonna sue your ass off! Insensitive bastards.

    ReplyDelete
  38. DaveJuly 21, 2009 at 10:41 PM

    Hey Oce-take your crap act somewhere else.

    ReplyDelete
  39. UnknownJuly 22, 2009 at 7:54 AM

    Next it's going to be an Annie Liebovitz spread in vanity fair a date with Nick Jonas. I can't believe your father lets you get away with this shit Ocelot.

    ReplyDelete
  40. xrayunicornJuly 23, 2009 at 8:42 AM

    Wait a minute, wait a minute. Have you considered the possibility that ocelots might be the new playboy bunny? Kind of like how FUP is the new black? You follow me? "Analogies" and all that?

    Because this is what I'm thinking. You round up all the ocelots. You put them in a mansion. You get an old rich guy who is creepy as fuck to wear a silk robe and lounge around with the ocelots. Then every once in a while, you throw a mixer for the playboy ocelots and the playboy bunnies to fraternize and "catch up" and exchange stories and tips. And also, the ocelots will eat some of the bunnies, and in this way, help to keep the bunny population down, because overbreeding is an issue in the bunny population, as we all know.

    Anyways, that's what I'm thinking. The intensity in this ocelot's eyes could fuel a jet plane. I would just hate to see all of that positive energy wasted.

    Love,
    xrayunicorn.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  41. NJ Pigno July 23, 2009 at 7:57 PM

    I just became a follower and the confirmation message said,

    "Congratulations, Nanodance
    You are now following Fuck You, Penguin."

    I am so proud.

    ReplyDelete
  42. UnknownAugust 19, 2009 at 1:37 PM

    ocelot, do you have an objection to my using your image on FC? much better than what i've got going.....
    you go girl...

    ReplyDelete
  43. HeatherSeptember 15, 2009 at 7:22 PM

    phish wrote you a song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ5au_C3TPc

    ReplyDelete
  44. Alex CatgirlDecember 1, 2009 at 3:03 PM

    You are just jealous of Ocelot cuteness .... Stupid Sow.

    PS The Penguins say fuck you and your mother too!

    ReplyDelete
  45. rustyoneillAugust 19, 2010 at 10:40 PM

    in my country, ve call-em for you to be prosktmitukt (prostitute)! Okhay! POOT ON ZSOME CLOTH-S! OR ALLAH WILL NOT SHOW MERCY.

    ReplyDelete

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