Monday, January 5, 2009

These assholes are taunting me

>>INTERSPECIES WEEK<<

Hippo and Tortoise, this aggression will not stand. When you lie next to each other, and kiss each other, and lay your heads on each other, and do whatever else you sick fucks do that they can't include in children's books, it is like you are mugging me, but leaving my wallet and just taking my dignity. STOP BEING SUCH A STUDY IN CONTRASTS. I can tell you think this is funny, Hippo. You're looking at me like it is fucking hilarious. But Tortoise, I am particularly disappointed in you. You are 130 years old, clearly you should know better by now. You've only got another 50 years to get your act together. These pictures are everywhere. Think of what your great great great great great great grandchildren will say to you when they see them. For shame, Tortoise.
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33 comments:

  1. david santosJanuary 5, 2009 at 6:19 AM

    Brilliant!!!!
    Good evening!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. non-nonJanuary 5, 2009 at 6:29 AM

    I'm surprised at this picture!
    I can't believe it!
    A hippopotamus and a turtle nestle
    each other...that's great!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dr.SaltJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:09 AM

    It's unnatural is what it is. What would Jesus say?

    ReplyDelete
  4. CindyJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:11 AM

    I'm a smart kid, I understand how things work normally but I still can't work it out. How is a turtle bigger than a hippo?

    P.S. Both look like a pile of clay that some kid sculped in kindergarten.

    ReplyDelete
  5. MattJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:12 AM

    The tortoise also shall dwell with the hippo, and the chipmunk shall lie down with the panda; and the reindeer and the swan and the wombat together; and a little penguin shall lead them.

    Isaiah 11:6

    Armageddon, my friends.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:23 AM

    It's quite obviously a baby hippo, and so we not only have the interspecies thing going, but now some 130 year old turtle is getting his jollies with a baby. Pedophile!

    ReplyDelete
  7. roseJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:32 AM

    i'm surprised that tortoises' arch nemesis, the hare is not in the photo too. but that's probably in the "private" stash of pictures, just for their personal enjoyment.
    sickos.

    ReplyDelete
  8. wombatJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:48 AM

    Outrageous! Why is my safe search filter not blocking this cuddlelicious obscenity!

    ReplyDelete
  9. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2009 at 8:23 AM

    LOL 'You've only got another 50 years to get your act together. For shame, tortoise.'

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2009 at 8:38 AM

    too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  11. gregoryyyJanuary 5, 2009 at 8:42 AM

    am viewing this at the Library,right now. The wispers and complaints are getting out of hand.I am laughing so hard at this post that I am almost crying.But I am going to leave now,it seems they don't find this funny.Well,it;s fucking hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fuck You, Fuck You, PenguinJanuary 5, 2009 at 9:40 AM

    Matt is right- Armageddon is coming. And so are we.

    ReplyDelete
  13. TeeJanuary 5, 2009 at 9:57 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2009 at 9:57 AM

    What the hell is this! This is fucking obsurd. Next thing you two sick fucks will be going on your honeymoon trip and we'll have to look at your cute fucking PDA on a beach with your fucking zinc suntan lotion "so your skin dosen't burn.... and crack"

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2009 at 11:36 AM

    It's jungle fever.

    ReplyDelete
  16. CynJanuary 5, 2009 at 12:00 PM

    I just...feel...betrayed, dirty. Think of the children! Fucking fuckers, both of you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJanuary 5, 2009 at 12:29 PM

    Why is everyone so against this?! It's 2009 people, these things aren't THAT unusual! Maybe I'm the one who's too open-minded, but if they are in love, than they have the right to be together, no matter what society labels as normal....

    ReplyDelete
  18. MISS BJanuary 5, 2009 at 3:21 PM

    I think YOU are mugging me and leaving my wallet. This is killed me on all accounts:
    -Photo
    -Verbiage
    -Comments
    Murder in the first degree...

    ReplyDelete
  19. ~eJanuary 5, 2009 at 4:12 PM

    Hippo-on-Tortoise action is still illegal in my state.

    ReplyDelete
  20. NikayJanuary 5, 2009 at 6:07 PM

    now i want a tortoise...

    ReplyDelete
  21. Dughallmor BeaglesJanuary 5, 2009 at 7:53 PM

    OMFG!! So, SO funny....now I have sore cheeks...thanks a fucking lot!
    And my dogs ARE the cutest, cuter than lasagne, OKAY????

    ReplyDelete
  22. BethJanuary 5, 2009 at 8:26 PM

    Vote for FYP in the Weblog Awards and kick cheezburger ass PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

    http://2008.weblogawards.org/polls/best-pet-blog/

    ReplyDelete
  23. nikkiJanuary 5, 2009 at 10:18 PM

    Omg hahaha my favorite part is stop being a study of contrasts :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. WaffleJanuary 6, 2009 at 3:51 AM

    This is outrageous. Is there a petition I can sign? Also, I note the tortoise has ignored our repeated instructions to moisturise, dammit.

    ReplyDelete
  25. MeredithJanuary 6, 2009 at 2:34 PM

    The gall! There are even dolls selling as this duo on Amazon! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/1579822142/ref=dp_image_0?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books

    ReplyDelete
  26. TechnogeekboyJanuary 6, 2009 at 5:04 PM

    I'm as outraged as I am sleepy! Surely this will lead to a new fable "The Tortoise and the Hippo" in which the tortoise will again win the race because the hippo stops to gorge himself on Fritos or something.

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousJanuary 6, 2009 at 9:39 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  28. JAbelJanuary 6, 2009 at 10:34 PM

    This is why Calif passed prop 8 so things like this won't happen.Imagine Rush Limbaugh and a human female.Unatural sex acts shouldn't happen.If a hippo and a Zebra did it would the offspring be a Zippo?

    ReplyDelete
  29. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2009 at 3:59 PM

    Hey, if Hippo likes it hard, I am not one to object.

    ReplyDelete
  30. AnonymousJanuary 7, 2009 at 5:17 PM

    I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED OUT LOUD...SO LOUD AND SO LONG READING SOMETHING BEFORE. This is an awesome site. So happy I came across it. Thank you for your sick since of humour!!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. UnknownJanuary 10, 2009 at 12:31 AM

    I think that what everyone is missing here is that the hippo is ALWAYS the one leaning on the tortoise. Abuse I say! J'ACCUSE! That poor tortoise moves at what, 0.12 MPH and is likely over 100 years old. HELPLESS.

    That hippo should be in jail.

    ReplyDelete
  32. ProfessorDogJanuary 10, 2009 at 2:41 AM

    They're separated now. The hippo grew up and stepped on the tortoise, so the hippo had to move out and make some new friends while old and wrinkly got his shell glued back together. (Seriously, and I'm sad that I know this.)

    ReplyDelete
  33. Glenn ChockyJanuary 16, 2009 at 4:33 PM

    Do I spot a Lebowski reference!

    ReplyDelete

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