Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Giraffes don't know when their 15 minutes are up

>>ANIMALS IN THE NEWS WEEK<<
Hey buddy, I know the San Francisco zoo where you were born was very excited, and you got some national attention. I bet people even told you you had potential. I have to admit, I even almost fell for it. But you were born two weeks ago, and it's over now, I've moved on. I'm sure you're bummed, but they are trying to take a picture of your mom's torso. GET OUT OF THE FRAME, BABY GIRAFFE. I know what it's like. I was a baby once, and you really do get everything handed to you. I didn't even have to go to the bathroom to relieve myself! But the news cycle is a cruel mistress, and let's face it, there are other babies out there to photograph.

Hey, don't be so sad, maybe in a little while you'll come up with, like, a really cool dance trend, or the cure for cancer. Oh wait. I forgot. You're a fucking giraffe. Oh well, at least you can reach those high leaves. You'll make it somehow, Baby Giraffe. Now stop looking at me like that.
at

29 comments:

  1. KristenFebruary 11, 2009 at 5:55 AM

    Is this dumbass the only being on the planet not to jump all over the octuplet gig? He should just be happy no one's calling his mom a retard.

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  2. WalterFebruary 11, 2009 at 5:56 AM

    Maybe he should try for a the next big dance craze. I don't know if giraffes dance, but if they do, I bet it's some damn fine foot work.

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  3. Tim McNuttFebruary 11, 2009 at 5:59 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  4. DHFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:04 AM

    That's two giraffes? And here I thought you had some real talent as a contortionist. I hope you get laryngitis.

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  5. kimFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:04 AM

    oh...I see what you're doing. You're practising your Angelina pout, aren't you?
    Lame. I'd say you look more like Jeff Goldblum right before he turns into the Fly...

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  6. MameFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:10 AM

    Hey, babystalk, your ears are going to look RIDICULOUS until those horns grow in...

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  7. HeatherFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:24 AM

    OSWALD. The name is Oswald, thank you very much.

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  8. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:29 AM

    What a cute goofy face...

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  9. The Cheap-Arse Film CriticFebruary 11, 2009 at 6:59 AM

    I think it's about to spit at the cameraman...

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  10. S. BrykczynskiFebruary 11, 2009 at 7:14 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. S. BrykczynskiFebruary 11, 2009 at 7:17 AM

    Um haven't you read "giraffes can't dance" by Giles Andreae?
    It's about a young giraffe who starts a big dance craze......
    *ahem*

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  12. MartyFebruary 11, 2009 at 7:39 AM

    I saw an insipid girl the other day wearing a giraffe print jacket.

    It is even uglier on you, baby giraffe!

    Get a new pattern, you dummy!

    What are you trying to blend in with anyway?

    If the sky was yellow with ugly brown spots, you may be able to hide better, but it's blue! You should be blue with white puffy cloud spots, you tall retard, baby giraffe!

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  13. Kafka Stole My BikeFebruary 11, 2009 at 7:57 AM

    Tuck in your adorable lower lip, punk! No one wants to see your faded "camouflage" - its not even darkened in yet! I bet you're really awkward when you walk. You wouldn't make it 45 minutes in the military!

    But then again, neither would I: I was 40 minutes late to work, and have spent the first hour surfing the internet.

    Touche, baby giraffe. Well played....

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  14. nullFebruary 11, 2009 at 8:31 AM

    Dude totally looks like a d-bag, all smug and pleased with himself. I bet if giraffes wore polos, his collar would be popped. Srlsy, not cool.

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  15. GigiFebruary 11, 2009 at 8:41 AM

    not to upset you or anything...have you seen this?

    http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2009/02/10/asia/AS-Australia-Wildfires-Koala-Rescue.php

    love your site!!

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  16. Bobby CrotchFebruary 11, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    I don't see how being a giraffe limit's really cool dance trend potential. Maybe it could tango with a kid on crutches. I imagine content like that would be right at home somewhere in NBC primetime.

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  17. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2009 at 10:41 AM

    Someone outta smack that smirk right off this twerp's face and put some underwear on Ma.

    Gah, flashbacking to Britney at the gas pumps!

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  18. boobooFebruary 11, 2009 at 11:34 AM

    Are those supposed to be eyes, Giraffe?

    Huh?

    'Cause they look like bull balls hanging off your stupid face. You look like Nancy Pelosi.

    I'm talking to you, liver lips!

    You think I'm afraid of you?

    Whyncha get out the Serengeti Nat. Park and come to Jersey City? Huh? Then we'd see how tough you are.

    I'm sorry that you are a protected species. I'd like to pop a cap in your ass.

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  19. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2009 at 2:42 PM

    It looks like the Giraffe Chrissy bought when she, Jack & Janet had all that money.

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  20. JAY AWESOMEFebruary 11, 2009 at 3:08 PM

    once I took a pen and tried to navigate my way from a giraffe's face to his tale by drawing a constant line in between the spots.
    It's like that game on the place mat at Denny's that they give to little kids to keep them from going crazy in the restaurant forcing their parents to beat them with their skillet or Moons Over My-Hammy. Child abuse is not a joke.

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  21. Gutter DogFebruary 11, 2009 at 7:05 PM

    Hilarious...love it.

    www.gutterdog.blogspot.com

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  22. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2009 at 8:26 PM

    stop it...just stop!

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  23. Laughing SoulFebruary 11, 2009 at 11:10 PM

    I hope you get a sore throat you fucking long necked freak!

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  24. JeffFebruary 12, 2009 at 12:15 AM

    If you guys want to see a REAL baby giraffe, come to San Diego. Our zookeepers prevent this kind of bullshit from the git go.

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  25. olympiapressFebruary 12, 2009 at 2:11 AM

    Alex Balk...

    Is that you?

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  26. UnknownFebruary 12, 2009 at 5:31 AM

    I read GIRAFFES CAN'T DANCE and it's awesome.. and i happen to have an affinity for giraffes so this jackass need to shut the hell up...thankyouverymuch....
    and good-day.

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  27. JCFebruary 12, 2009 at 11:30 AM

    And there's always some competition to name the damn thing, too. I submit: Youbet. "The name is Giraffe, Youbet Giraffe"

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  28. AnonymousFebruary 13, 2009 at 8:52 PM

    It would be worth your while to Google "Giraffes fighting on Youtube."

    ReplyDelete
  29. The WangOctober 24, 2010 at 10:25 PM

    Oh, thank you Sesli sohbet for sharing! I'm in the midst of wedding planning, Camfrog 18 Odalar and both my fiance and I are NOT cake lovers, and can't imagine spending hundreds of dollars on one dessert we don't even like! Forum | Video | Site Map We're planning on doing a buffet of family recipes Sohbet Ruleti, Chat Ruleti pies, cookies, cheesecake, etc - and some of our favorite candies in apothecary jars :) I love to see that
    others are SesliSohbet, Sesli Sohbet thinking out of the [cake] box, too!

    ReplyDelete

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