Glamour shots aren't for dragons, jerk-off

Komodo Dragon, what kind of photo shoot do you think this is? I'm sure you got a facial last week, told everyone you know not to stress you out, and got to bed early so you wouldn't have bags under your eyes. But unfortunately for you, you are a giant poisonous lizard. Pretty sure this is going in National Geographic, loser, not fucking Vanity Fair.

And, really, I'm trying not to dwell too much on the tongue here, but are you sure you aren't just chewing a crowbar? You need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself what about scaly skin, pure black eyes, and a belly that drags along the floor is going to get you on the runway in time for next year's Fall/Winter collections. I think it's best you stick to what you know, like kidnapping princesses and talking like Sean Connery, and leave the spotlight to the professionals.