After kangaroos ruined their future and I discovered that wombats are all the same, I didn't think it could get any worse than a fucking koala. I WAS WRONG, TREE KANGAROO. The fuzzy fur and the weird ears, okay, but what's with the leafy greens? HAVE SOME FUCKING MANNERS, TREE KANGAROO.
The key with these assholes is to keep your distance, as this guy learned in an all-too-real way. He has yet to stop grinning like that. And the tree kangaroo? It just wanders around the reserve going up to unsuspecting volunteers saying "Hey, you wanna hold me? I'll change your life." Well, fuck you, Tree Kangaroo. I'm happy with my wombat. I don't need your cheap thrills.
Holy crap, Tree Kangaroo! You're such an asshole if you think you're all that and a bag of chips just because you can hop around in the trees! At least the Wombat has the sense to stay on the ground--where he belongs! Maybe if you did the same the world wouldn't hate your cute, fuzzy, shit-eating grin face. Butt-munch.
ReplyDeleteA tree kangaroo? That's some fucked up shit!
ReplyDeleteThe leafy greens are a front- we all know this bastard eats human flesh. He likes it grilled with ketchup.
ReplyDeleteYou can see it in his beady little eyes.
That's Smithsonian Scientist Kris Helgen in that photo!
ReplyDeleteYou'll change my life, Tree Kangaroo? Well so will herpes!
ReplyDeleteWhen you walk under his tree, this guy hops down and buries his huge, cold, snotty nose in your neck. Then you fall down and he grills you and eats you.
ReplyDeletemaybe he's having a stoke.
ReplyDeleteone eye is kind of drooping
and that shit is falling out of his
mouth.
was her slurring his words?
In between leafy greens, I can see him smirking at the camera and saying..."I know what we did saved countless American lives."
ReplyDeleteSee that look on his face? Yeah, that's him saying "Come hold me." But in his head he is saying "Come hold me and then I'll rip your hand off".
ReplyDeleteGeez,i guess i won't eat at the salad bar...hate that Whole Foods anyway.
ReplyDeleteHell, Tree Kangaroo... Just when I thought the Flying Squirrel was off kilter and exceeding his species limits. Now you come along like you own the fucking place, land AND trees? Really? Well here's to hoping that you catch your pouch on a branch and tear it wide open while your adorable ass tumbles back to Earth... Where you belong, asshole!
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ReplyDeleteHeroin will change your life too Tree Kangaroo, so BACK-off.
ReplyDeleteP.S. - Where are your god-damned hands man? In that picture with the doomed Smithsonian scientist it looks like you have little fur tubes like some kind of anime animal. I mean Jesus...
Go fuck yourself.
Tree kangaroo? Never heard about them. A kangaroo that jumps in the trees?
ReplyDeleteIt gets worse. There's actually a kangaroo rat.
ReplyDeleteThey may look innocent, but do not buy it, people. Two of these creatures had the audacity to perform a lewd act in a tree at "Jungle World" the Bronx Zoo, traumatizing my children for at least 14 seconds. Shameless!
ReplyDeleteFun fact: that kangaroo in the linked picture has been shot with a dart. Check out the dart hanging out of its neck. That thing is drugged out of its mind.
ReplyDeleteWhat a self satisfied little shit this one is! Go. To. Hell.....Tree bastard!
ReplyDeleteI saw one of these jerks at the Detroit zoo once with my art class. What a tool! Should have thrown my sketchbook at his little face when I had the chance.
ReplyDeleteUgh. Look at you, with leaves all hanging out of your mouth. Have some fuckin' class, Tree Kangaroo.
ReplyDeleteAre they as chlamydia ridden as koalas?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22088251-2,00.html
I think you should consider this creature for fuck you penguin:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dolphins.spirita.net/images/amazon-river-dolphin.jpg
Seriously.
Oh damn you F.U.,P. I finally have to say it: "Uncle"...cripes have you no mercy?
ReplyDeletewhere does tree-kangaroo shit, i wonder? and @ jenny- you are clearly into this shit- http://www.sexwork.com/family/dolphins1.html
ReplyDeleteGive it up, tree kangaroo, you'll never be Thom Yorke. Just cuz you can look all droll doesn't mean we care!
ReplyDeleteI hear they don't think much of you lot you little guttersnipes
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a man who once had the audacity to smoke a pipe in front of a lady
I plucked it from his chops and stamped on it there and then
"It gets worse. There's actually a kangaroo rat."
ReplyDeleteAnd there's more. There's an urban kangaroo too, called a "parkouroo". They hop from building to building and put their stupid videos on Youtube.
Just noticed the little snob is eating arugula. Is that with goat cheese and balsamic vinegar? Yuppified pouch-wearing giant rat.
ReplyDeletekris helgen still has that goofy smile! i'm at a molecular workshop with him, and he sits in front of me
ReplyDeletecanihazatazmaniandevil?
ReplyDeletehe has a butt for a nose
ReplyDeleteHells Bells, Tree Kangaroo, isn't one flying marsupial enough in our overcrowded skies without you bringing your sloppy, tree-decimating ways to our planet?! Qantas' flying skippy is up there spewing crap into the atmosphere & you decide to join in. At least they provide an in-flight dehydrated meal & alcohol to ease the pain, while you're trying to palm off pre-digested bloody fronds at us! Wake up to yourself, you miserable excuse for a pouch-gestater.
ReplyDeleteOMG F U Penguin u r killing us! Just when you thought it could NOT get any worse, check this f-er out! Sugar my as$
ReplyDeleteAnyone besides me notice how this bugger looks like.... ALF?!!! Alf the Alien! What a farce! Alf was from friggin' Australia! And he had a pouch!
ReplyDelete;)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in the fourth grade I told myself, "I'm going to marry Kris Helgen someday" until that FUCKING TREE KANGAROO came slutting around and put that big fucking smile on his face. At least wombats make good pets; tree kangaroos are nothing but dream killers and home wreckers.
ReplyDelete