Monday, December 22, 2008

Petting zoo goats are like stuck-up celebrities with horns


Petting zoos are a hotbed of animal hubris. With children constantly saying how cute they are, it's important to let the goats know that not everybody is on their dicks 24/7. This dandy here hasn't gotten nearly enough humble pie, because he apparently thinks he's next in line on the runway in fucking Milan. Ummm, not every goat just gets to lie around all day waiting for little 6 year olds to come and rub them behind the ears. Some goats actually have to work hard all day to find 6 year olds to rub them behind the ears.

What I'm trying to say, Goat, is that you can't have this carrot. I know I promised it to you earlier in a moment of weakness, but I also know goats can't use tape recorders, and there are limited legal avenues that you can pursue. TIME TO FEND FOR YOURSELF, GOAT. Hey- no- stop doing that! Ah... dammit.

26 comments:

DH said...

And, Goat, that has got to be the worst imitation of Billy Gibbons I have ever seen!

Sharp-dressed bovidae, my ass!

True Blue Liberal said...

I have a nice goatskin jacket I enjoy wearing to the local petting zoo.
That tends to put them in their places.

SlapsBrats said...

Fucking arrogant ass goats think it's SO easy to get a head rub from an unassuming child. Do me a favor, goat, and clip that hair in front of your eyes. Who do you think you are, some Hollywood movie star that can hide behind his shades all day?! I can't stand you, goat, but your cheese is quite tasty in my salad...

rose said...

and what's with your pupils going the wrong way? WTF? you just HAD to be different. it's not cute, it creeps me out and i am not spending a quarter to give you pellets, have my hand get messy and smell like ass.
but i WILL have a goat cheese pizza any day, just don't give me stink-eye with those fucked up pupils.

and i am SO honored to give you inspiration.

FUCats said...

Like any other washed up celebrity, he looks doped out as well. Hmm...is that your scam goat? Are you using children to get you the dope?

Brian Kenny said...

Ok, Goat, having your bangs tinted like that just makes me want to smack you...and don't scapegoat your overpaid stylist.

Roug said...

I've got one word for you, Goat.

Soup.

Talk With No Thought said...

Goats. Everyone knows they're the whores of the petting zoo.

Juliette Tang said...

what's with the fringey bangs, goat? you think you're a hipster or something? like you're cool cuz you have two toned hair, bangs that cover your eyes, and ironic facial hair?

SouthernBelle said...

That goat is a total emo kid.

Will Niccolls said...

That's the same goat I saw cutting off an old lady in the cross walk today.

Cindy said...

Goat cheese sucks. One reason I hate goats. He seems to have attitude too. I never thought about it before. You think you're special goat? Are you punk, emo, or an unshaved hippie? Make up your mind goat. Your eyes are weird and you creep me out.

Madame Letharge said...

Such an adorable, clueless, silly beastie cannot be tolerated. And so entitled.

Anonymous said...

Merry fucking Christmas?

http://www.zooborns.com/zooborns/2008/12/otter-you-glad-for-the-holidays.html

Unknown said...

I saw that goat on TMZ. She flashed her hunaner getting out of her Jag, then hoof-slapped a paparazzi.

concha said...

i think adam sandler said, "well fuck me in the goatass"

Anonymous said...

The problem with goats is that they have tiny penises. Gotta play up that "I'm so awesome" thing so the chix will notice 'em. Why do you think goats are the catchers?

Recovery said...

I met this goat when he was playing bass for Skynyrd. He's not only a huge cockface, but he's unrepentant about walking around, begging for attention all day. Actually, I think he's a she-goat.
Dumb whore goatess.

monkeyrotica said...

Know what that goat is saying? It's saying, "Eat me, muthaf***er!" You gonna let him talk to you like that? Huh?

Gorilla Gal said...

damn you goat, for having a cooler haircut than me.
i hate you!

gibsongirl said...

Hey you stupid piece of shit goat...your hairpiece looks ridiculous. Everybody knows you're chrome-doming it under there so, dammit just own it.

John said...

God, what an asshole. Even by goat standards.

Zakintosh said...

Discovered your blog 3 days ago and I think it's fucking criminal to deprive of my sleep and keep my neighbors awake with the sound of my loud laughter while going through the entire archives. Certainly among the most consistently funny and clever blogs I have ever encountered.

Alex McCurdy said...

"work hard all day" picture made me lawlz for like ten minutes.

Colleen said...

Paula Abdul wants her bangs back ya thievin' little barn dweller!

Kendra Holliday said...

Looks like Brad Pitt in one of those period pieces. I mean, Baaah-d Pitt.