Monday, February 16, 2009

On the trail of a hot tip

Got word that this asshole prances around like he just won Westminster, asking everyone to rub his paws while he stands on his hind legs. Have to check him out in person to do a hardcore intervention/exorcism and see what I can do to help his victims. I'll be gone 'til next Monday, but while I'm gone DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE MONEY:

RSPCA Australia
Wildlife Advocate
Red Cross Australia

They help koalas, which means that if you give them 5, 10, or God help us, 25 dollars, there will be more pictures like this. Which will lead to more pictures like this. BANDAGES ON YOUR PAWS!?! AFTER EVERYTHING THEY'VE DONE FOR YOU, KOALA?

I trust you all know what's the right thing to do.


get in here said...

If he stood on his front paws in front of me I'd punch him square on the nose.

Anonymous said...

Why does it look so WEIRD? What's with the red eyes? Are we supporting animal substance abuse too? This sucks.

Jason said...

i bet his name is snoopy or some cliche shit too.

Shimmy said...

Fuck you and your droopy red stoner eyes. Don't move my fucking water dish to the wrong side of the kitchen floor! Don't even think about it.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the links! I hope your readers respond with help.

Walter said...

I will definitely not give them money. I will not even look at those links.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

Look at that face. He carries al the world's pain and suffering on his tiny paws.

And I hate him for it.

Anonymous said...

That koala rules!

Sue said...

props for posting those links. of course, you realize that now the koalas are that much closer to reaching their goal of total world domination...

Jessica Mooney said...

Screw you droopy eyed dog. Don't try your dirty mojo on me--it won't work 'cuz my eyes are open and I see what you are doing! And it makes me puke! And as far as you koala-lovers in Australia you won't get 5, 10 or 25 dollars from me. You'll get twenty and like it, bitches!

alcoLOLz said...

aussie dollars are like monopoly money. i wouldn't get so worked up about five or ten of them

Unknown said...

Nooo!!! what shall i do for hours on end while you are gone?

Trish said...

This dog is a joke. He makes me wish I didn't have a dog like him.
But then, my dog isn't a poser, and wouldn't be caught dead at the Westminster, such stuffy stuffed animals.

Mame said...

Dog - so what. Koala with burnt paws wrapped in impossibly cute bandages falling in love with another Koala named Bob - so what. FUP on hiatus for a week - WTF!? NO warning? Just, "Hey, I'll see you in a week," and that's it!? Okay, maybe donating daily to the koala fund will get me through the week. Hurry back, dammit.

This Idiot

Tee said...

I don't know if I can handle a week's hiatus, as protest I donated some money to each of those links! That'll teach you to abandon us!

Anonymous said...

If you leave us, who is to take a principled stand against the kind of depravity displayed by dogs on bicycles?

Please come back soon and save us from the evil worldwide conspiracy of cute animals like fluffy kittens and spiky hedgehogs, Mr. or Ms. Fuck You Penguin.

Anonymous said...

Listen up, mutt. Think I'm charmed by you? Hell no. Before you pull that mournful look on me, why don't you at least put some Visine on your eyes so it's a little less obvious that you were up all night drinking Jägermeister and Red Bull and smoking Swisher Sweets. I'll bet your breath smells like a septic tank. Fuck off, loser.

booboo said...

That dog's name is Heidi. She likes to make people think she's all, like, serious and sensitive.

It's all an act. She's a whore. For two bits and a can of Alpo she's all yours.

Oh, wait I was thinking of my wife.

Doublebanker said...

The intervention has become a fad and is on its way out. Try the exorcism!

Gif Card Gif-away on my Daily Gif Blog!


Sea-Monkey said...

As someone who lives in Melbourne, and who's heard more horror stories than I care to hear again, I want to say thank you to Fuck You Penguin and to all you guys who are(n't) donating to the cause. We're all pretty gutted down here (out my window, the city is blanketed in smoke as I write this) and our little guys can use all the help they can get.

Patrizzi Intergarlictica said...

Why do people continually try to help the helpless? GAD! said...

Hugs sea-monkey...

As a Melbourne-born gal living in the Middle East this has really upset me too.

Moreso because I come from Panton Hill which is the next town on from St Andrews and Kinglake, which were both destroyed.

I gave 20 each to those links. Its great to hear others doing the same.

Anonymous said...

Damn I already gave $50 thinking it would be helping people.
The koalas have been pretty quiet for a few years, but they seem to be on the rise. We should all be very wary. I'll never trust the bastards, they are rats with weally, weally cute faces and cuddly bellies. The evil fuckers.

Lee Bemrose said...

The authorities are pretty sure that several of the fires were deliberately lit. They're even speculating that a serial arsonist has been operating in the Australian bush over several years.

Um... why has no one caught on? It's pyromaniac Koalas, obviously. And the smug fuckers are strutting their cute before an adoring world-wide audience. Look at them. They've got 'I did it' written all over their dopey pyro faces.

You have not pulled the wool over my eyes, evil arsonist Koala.

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

Stupid, adorable koalas. Stupid, adorable hand casts. I think those pictures took about six years off the end of my life and $40 out of my wallet.

As for you, dog. Stay away from my daughter, stoner! I've seen those red, droopy eyes before, and I DON'T want to take her to the clinic again! Punk kids, with their rap music and baggy pants and marajuana pots!


Unknown said...



fucking koalas ruin everything.

Dolphin Hater said...

Are you going to do anything about Chimpanzees? That they're not cute, so much as "plotting your violent demise?"

kilgore said...

oh FUP, don't try to hide your tender heart. i'll bet you're on your way to help those koalas, aren't you?

Patrizzi Intergarlictica said...

Fuck You, Peguin, fuck you brilliant.

KidVermicious said...

This is my new favorite blog. I think I cracked a rib, laughing. So thanks for that, FUP, you fucker, you made me hurt my ribs.


JAMES WOE said...

I would eat one of my aunt darlenes pot pies before i would pet this pathetic pooch. She used to stuff em with horse shit and mayonaisse.

i am posting songs to spank animals to. stop by.

Unknown said...


C. Andiron said...

I'm a cat person. Why don't you have tags or categories on your blog so that I can find all the cat posts?

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

where have you gone??? why have you left us???


ensalaco said...

they've co-opted the bbc.

Jay Floyd said...

Solid post, as always. Nice work.

Who ate all the ketchup? said...

I'm pleasantly surprised, and I do indeed enjoy your blog. If you can mix vulgar language and adorable animals and still keep a firm grip on reality... Well that, my friend, is pure talent.

(If I had a Fuck You, Penguin shirt, I would wear it rather often.)

Dr. Jay SW said...

Just wait till one of those koalas goes on a rampage...see how proud of themselves Mr. friendly-ass firefighter and Ms. cute little girl in the kitchen are then....

Gutter Dog said...

They belong in the with me

Karen James said...

Is the matchbox really necessary, turtle?

get in here said...

Run out of funny pictures, huh? Or funny things to say?

OzarkTroutBum said...

Dog show!

Jo Nicholson said...

The disabling concentration of cuteness particles appear to be centered around the nose many animals, especially koalas and puppies. Do not look directly at the nose.

La Dauphine said...

Awwww, I lurve English Spring Spaniels, but I will give you special dispensation because I *sometimes* think you are funny. :-p

susan said...

Rheumy eyed asshole.

j.l.rameior said...

Looked for a new chapter today (Mon 2/23), sad not to find one. I hope you'll be back from your trip --to where? -- soon. Desperately needing a new dose of insulting adorableness.

Nonners said...

Super witty. I mightmaybe like this almost as much as cleaning.

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