Thursday, February 5, 2009

Um, I can see you


Cow, what the hell do you think you are doing hiding behind that tree? You do realize you are a cow, right? It's not likely that you are going to be able to keep a low profile, seeing as cows are so large that they are a metaphor for fat people. I (almost) respect the effort, but I don't care that your horns kind of match the tree, that emo haircut of yours is not botanical.

And what kind of cow has horns anyway? You are supposed to be black and white, and I'm supposed to drive by you in my car on road trips and lean out the window and say "Moo." Get back to work being harmless and laying in the grass. STOP RUINING MY VACATIONS BY WANTING MORE OUT OF LIFE, COW.

51 comments:

David Dust said...

Fuck you, Cow. This isn't the Sears Portrait Studio - it's a fucking farm.

Now slice me off a sirloin and leave me the hell alone.

Tim McNutt said...

I think that cow trying to hide from the butcher. Sorry bitch, it's Ribeye time for you. I'll be seeing you on my plate at Outback in about 4 days!

Marty said...

William "Fucking" Wallace Highland cow? You suck.

I'm going to castrate you and hang your balls behind my truck.

wombat said...

Trying too hard to be different, cow. It doesn't impress anyone. Just grow up, huh?

kim said...

Don't wanna burst your udders cow, but Tyra doesn't need a co-host. Go back to chewing your cud, you 4 stomached freak!

Mame said...

Oh Jesus.

The Jules said...

Hey - a cow!

furiousBall said...

Dear Cow,

I bet you will ride the short bus to the slaughter house on your way to my plate at a shitty Outback.

Love,
A Guy with Opposable Thumbs that can operate a slaughterhouse or one of those thingies in No Country For Old Men used to kill you

Cindy said...

Cows gross me out. I have to avert my attention when passing them on the road.

Anonymous said...

What a great cow! I love that cow.

Anonymous said...

Hey FUPenguin Guy?

Do the comments on your blogs ever disturb you?

Misha said...

Maybe he's trying to launch a sneak attack. WE CAN SEE YOU!

Ana said...

Uh, nice hair style cow, but we really need you to get back to work. I think Charlotte's Web already saved the farm animal that was going to be saved. No! you are not SOME cow. Go back to your house and stop terrorizing us with your blond bangs, seriously, it's not cute. And the eyes-so not a puppy dog look, we caught you now.
LOL; what a cow ;-P

Colleen said...

I thought I was the only person who ever leaned out the window and yelled "Moo."

SGH said...

Fuck Emo Cows! Go cut yourself, cow. Maybe into some steaks or something.

Jon Defreest said...

What is this your Myspace profile pic, cow? Are you embarrassed by your weight and trying to hide it behind that tree like so many 16-year-old girls.

How about just a close up of your eyes next time? Die.

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

Nice haircut. You're not mad at me, you're mad at your dad, cow!

Anonymous said...

Mooooow, cow i see you too. Now bye...

Unknown said...

i love this.
you make me laugh everyday...
:) thanks.

Cassaundra said...

i love the part about the emo haircut not being botanical.

you are an evil genius.

DH said...

Drop the haircut, already...John Denver is dead and he isn't going to put you in a song.

The Jerkey said...

Wow ... I can't believe you people have so many fucked up things to say about a poor cow. I get the initial humor but the vitriol seems really unnecessary. What the hell is wrong with you people?

jflorek said...

I'll tell you what's wrong...just look at that fucking cow! Isn't it obvious? Not even cute at all. Now just thinking of hamburger makes me want to puke.

Anonymous said...

These bastards also refuse to wear a bell.

I was going to say something about a haircut but decided it's better to give an honest lawnmower some good work.

SJO said...

Well, FUP, I must disagree with you for the first time. Although cute, I do not think this cow is being INTENTIONALLY cute (unlike those motherfucking penguins).

JAMES WOE said...

uhhhh...FUP editor...this is a minotaur, not a cow. Nice try, but pick on somebody that wont chew your testicals like gum after he's eaten you like a trough of hay. --theseus, the minotaur bitch slapper who knows of what he speaks

foreverinautumn said...

Ok Cow, you almost had me. I caught myself about to smile. GOD, why do animals think that no human can resist an animal that cocks his head slightly to the side!?

Well Cow, I've got news for ya. You remind me of that kid in elementary school who downright SUCKED at playing hide n' seek and took all the fun out of the game... for everyone.

Thanks once again cow.

Laughing Soul said...

Stupid cow! Why are you playing hide and seek instead of playing die and steak. BE MY DINNER! And I'll only eat half of you and let the rest of you rot.!
Fuching cow!!

G double dash LOC said...

Stop trying to be the Owen Wilson of your pasteur, because most of the world is over it.

SgtPep said...

My son had his hair like that once. I beat his ass.


fyi, Cow, fyi

Anonymous said...

This site is racist! Breedist? Whatever. What's with demanding all cows be Holsteins?

There are plenty of reasons to tell this cow to fuck off (his emo, pouty lower lip, for example) without dragging skin/fur color into it.

JediJeff said...

Kill a cow.
Cook a cow.
Eat a cow.

Hippoleetoe said...

This made me laugh historically. lol
Nice

feathermar said...

That cow is a taunting bastard. You know he just wants me to date him so I can listen to his poetry until he dumps me and then calls me in the middle of the night to say how much he regrets it. Effing cow. I wish you were just a pair of leather pants.

Love Lorena said...

It a Scotland Highlander.... and a giant douche.

Pink Sith said...

Cows are notorious douche bags. This is a FACT. SCOTTISH Cows are even worse because that have that Scottish accent when they Moo. It's actually repulsive. Don't get me started on the fucking haircut. He's SUCH a douche!

wineandroasts said...

His hooves were painted black, weren't they? F*cking Gen Y Goth-wannabe livestock.

Get a job.

Irlandese said...

Must. Have. Steak. Now.

Anonymous said...

Hey FUPenguin Guy?

Do the comments on your blogs ever disturb you?


I hope so. Jeez, I've been working at it, and I still haven't gotten sick enough to get banned, or even deleted.

I just don't have my game on tonight. FUP Guy has has not even sent me a kindly warning email, saying "Michael, knock off your twisted psycho shit or you're history at my blog!"

It's kind of discouraging.

So, I got nuthin' to say about that emo cow. Other than, I'm sure it gives a good BJ, but I suppose that everyone knew that anyway.

Joe "Truth 101" Kelly said...

It's asshole animals like that phony ass cow that make me hate vegetarians. He deserves to be slaughtered and ground into hamburger.

Spec7ral said...

Stupid fucking emo cow. Be productive and slit your wrists like a true emo would. Oh yeah wait, emo is all show. Fuck you emo cow.

get in here said...

Fuck you, hiding cow. Fat prick.

L E B E A S T said...

bwahahahaaaahha.
disgusting.

SunnyHorse said...

That's not a cow, it's actually a "west highland coo"

angela said...

"Emo haircut" nearly made me lose my shit. Bravo, Fuck You, Penguin!

drollgirl said...

emo haircut. snort!!!

MotorWeek Sucks said...

This cow lives in my neighborhood. He's a fucking DICK!

kilgore said...

aw, you look sad.

well we've all got problems! fuck you "west highland coo"

Merkanth said...

isn't that a yak? either way i'm still laughing

cermedes said...

Um, Fall Out Boy called and said they're interested. BTW, do you play the cow bell? They said they need more cow bell. Anyhoo... Fuck you!

Anonymous said...

http://www.flypaperblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/horse-gets-stuck-in-a-tree.jpg