Monday, April 27, 2009

Stingrays forget their name is a dead giveaway


I know you think you are going to get me to come over there and give you a big hug, Stingray. And, yeah, I am pretty impressed with your winning smile, I'm not going to lie. But you have "sting" right there in your name. I mean, Manta Ray, no problem, let's hug like crazy. Devil Ray, okay, not really kosher, but I can handle that, bring it in. But Stingray? I'm gonna need something a lot more convincing than those soft eyes and flappy wings, buddy. Maybe, like, a signed agreement that you won't sting me.

Beyond that, Stingray, there isn't much I can do for you. So please, stop smiling like that, or at least only get photographed from the top so no one can see it. It makes you look desperate.

54 comments:

Unknown said...

I still haven't forgotten how you killed Steve Irwin. I'm watching you buddy.

Tanvi Madkaiker said...

Hahahahahah!
Never a let down!

BioPeach said...

What the fuck is there to smile about in the middle of the ocean anyway?

Unknown said...

Every time I see one of these little bastards, I punch them right in their fake smiling faces. A creature that'll stab you with its tail, no matter how infrequent, deserves no less.

Barb said...

Does the stringray look like Casper the Friendly Ghost to anyone else?

Anonymous said...

I just love that you approach this with the assumption that he wants a hug. :) That totally cracks me up.

Aayla Security said...

Oh my God, this is one of the creepiest smiles I've ever seen. It makes me think of all the fucked up Japanese-ghost faces that I was certain only exist in our twisted imagination. Way to ruin my faith in nature, Stingray.

Mermanda said...

Keep your barb the hell away from me! You aren't fooling anyone.

Fragrant Liar said...

Stingray looks all innocent,
Floating along with the current,
You try to look all elegant,
But really you're a pissant.

Alice Dreadpunzel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alice Dreadpunzel said...

stingray is such a jerk. He could use a beanie cap on top of his stoopid little head. argh. he gives me angry love.

Walter said...

I can't lie, I'd probably huge him anyway.

Laila P said...

Lol! He looks like a cuddly ghost.

Connie said...

I never trust anyone with a smile like that.

susan said...

What's wrong with loving a sting ray? DId you not see his face? Oh yeah. Piercing giant barb on tail. You're soup, fucker.

Jessica Mooney said...

I want to punch you Stingray, and turn that smile upside down into a frown!

Anonymous said...

Spiritual stingray, do not dare slaughter my soul!

Just as Timothy Treadwell, "Grizzly Man" entreated you as the "Hindu floaty thing" for environmental redemption, I too seek your forgiveness, for surely you are the holiest of human-imagined, marine ghosts!

Pareidolian Prayers :P

Unknown said...

Voldemort!

Barb said...

^^ That comment was brilliant!

BlondeBee said...

Him and Babe the Pig are totally out to harm us humans!

Unknown said...

this guy thinks he can outsmile George Foreman! http://archives.starbulletin.com/2001/01/10/features/story1.html

Bakso Bandit said...

Whats with the full gut and the smile? What have you just eaten? And put some damn pants on!

Darin A. said...

Man, what a passive-aggressive ass.
Looks harmless enough trying to offer a hug, but really wants to feel you up with his stinger.

J said...

Dear Stingray,

We know what hides behind that smile. Lies and deception.

Charlotte's Web and the movie Babe taught us that Pigs were kind, gentle, respectable. But know we know they've been secretly carrying the deadly Swine Flu.

What about you, Stingray?

Stingray Flu?! You jerk.


Regards,
Everyone
http://regardseveryone.blogspot.com/2009/04/dear-pig.html

Unknown said...

;)

WR said...

I think he forgot to put his dentures in this morning. Looks more like a grimace than a smile.

Send him an electronic hug (you know, if you REALLY need to hug something)...
((mr. ray ))... kind of like safer sex but different.

Funny in My Mind said...

Stupid stingray. We really loved Steve, you're cousin did him in.....

umama said...

love this!!!

capebreton902 said...

Iz THAT what those big wings are realy for? grasping yer prey to hold em still while you stings 'em? Talk about yer Ohai!!!

Amelia said...

You can smile all you want, Stingray. But we all know what your deal is. You are a smug, lethal oceanic Always maxi pad with wings. Not falling for it this time, Stingray.

Roxie said...

loves it

Lindsay B. said...

I've never seen the underside of a stingray before. I'm officially creeped the hell out.

Jo Nicholson said...

I'm a social worker in a nursing home, so his dentures are probably in my office.

Kelsey said...

I wouldn't be surprised if "Mr. Stingray" had a few charges relating to oogling minors, judging from that creepy smile.

Anonymous said...

looks like a ghost from a studio ghibli movie

Gra said...

I think it's disgusting the way he just lets it all hang out. What if I was taking my children to the aquarium and one of these nostril-flaring monstrosities swum up and went "way-hay! Check out my junk, kids!" What would i tell them? It's a disgrace.

get in here said...

I want to punch it in the neck.

indigo said...

yeah, well, you people should at least at least attempt to empathise with the pain caused by never being allowed to play outside at school with the other kids JUST IN CASE YOU KILLED SOMEONE.

Anonymous said...

Cute little smiling stingray, you are really not that innocent....

Kafka Stole My Bike said...

I recognize that smile: it's similar to my, "I swear I'm not going through your trash" smile.

If my experience has taught me anything, you'll get a phone number from a nice lady, call her 9 times in one night leaving messages professing your undying love. Her boyfriend will get upset when you slash his tires. You'll have your buddy at the DMV run her plates so you can find her. Judge Watkins will ask why you're getting another restraining order. You'll cry for days.

I don't want to see you go down the same road I....er...um, a "friend" of mine did. It hurts, Stingray.

Gabby said...

I've been stung by you jackasses before. "Kitten of the Sea" - what a load of bullshit. You had my crying and shaking in pain for 90 minutes while I was supposed to be enjoying myself of a beautiful beach. I hate you, stingray. I hate you.

capebreton902 said...

Why isn't he the stab-ray? If you can kill a big, strapping aussie dude with that thing on the end of your tail, yer a stabber, not a stinger! The smile is such false advertising! 'Come 'er little bud, lemmi stab you in yer heart!'

Anonymous said...

I bet that's the same smile you used on Steve Irwin, Stingray. You are a grade A douchebag.

parlez-vous-kiwi said...

Its the beady eyes that get me.

Unknown said...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/11/BBQ_stingray.jpg/200px-BBQ_stingray.jpg

YUM!

MoreLikeThis said...

Looks like Batman's albino kid flying in the sky.

mm_michaels said...

I LOVE YOU!

L said...

stingrays can be domesticated!

monkeyboy said...

So, we finally meet the badass who shares the same name as a kid's 1960's era 20 inch bike. Big whoop! Where's your banana seat? What's that you say? You're named after a Corvette? I think not, goofball.

DPH said...

DON, I WANT TO TALK. PLEASE LETS WORK THIS OUT. WE WERE "WINNING" WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER. WE ARE "LOSING" NOW. EVERYONE IS HURTING. I KNOW SNOOCKUMS MISSES ME. I MISS YOU ALL. IT'S MORE COMPLAINTS COMING YOUR WAY, BUT I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS. I JUST WANT TO WORK IT OUT THE RIGHT WAY. DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CHAIN OF COMMAND AND THE OTHERS THAT ARE INVOLVED. WHY END THEIR CAREERS IN THIS PLEASE. I'M RESEND MY COMPLAINTS IF YOU RESEND YOURS.

anne archy said...

I can't believe I lost my virginity to that guy:(

Dan said...

Its an eagle ray.

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Unknown said...

You think you're so hot because your digit has mud flaps! I bet they're more trouble than they're worth.