Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Are you reading FU Penguin?


Hey Puppy, what are you reading? Is it that awesome new book, FU Penguin, that world famous dog Advice Dog called, "The best book ever written in the modern English language?" I bet you're not even reading it, you're probably reading Mastering the Art of French Cooking like a fucking loser. Oh, the book's been around for fifty years, but you're only just picking it up now that a fucking movie is out? WAY TO JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON, ASSHOLE. You realize you are playing right into the film marketer's hands, right? THOSE SOULLESS VAMPIRES WILL SUCK THE JOY OUT OF ANYTHING.

Well, I hear the author of FU, Penguin is a street-level-hero kind of guy, and he has already turned down twenty seven different offers to turn his book into a movie, three offers to be part of Oprah's dumb book club, and eight contracts from Nike to be their spokesperson as soon as they figure out how to fire that loser Tiger Woods. (Golf? That's funny, I don't remember wanting to buy shoes from my Grandpa.) Why don't you go pre-order it at one of these fine retailers:

You can thank me later, Puppy. Now get out of bed and go make me a nice Vichysoisse.


Unknown said...

No I mean it this time FU, penquin. You're not pbs, you don't need a self promotion WEEK!

blonde ambition boston said...

I think i'll buy your book now.

PersonalFailure said...

The author of FUP saved my mother's life. From pirates. Cute otter pirates. By his book.

adrienne said...

my five-year-old says, "why is he reading that book? dogs can't read books. why are his paws on that book?"

the gig is up, dog.

stick to your own kind.

Cam said...


The Peach Tart said...

I do love smart dogs.

Hello Naka said...

poor dog :(

Why I Love ELTON JOHN and why you should TOO! said...

This book made me laugh so much I p***ed my pants. Since I was right by my cat's box I used it.

Unknown said...

Everyone knows a dog can't read without glasses. You're not fooling anyone, pooch!

Joe Kelly said...

Dog is good for business Penguin man. He might think your book is a newspaper and shit on it. Then the dogs owner will have to buy another one. Shit away dog. Kill a few more trees. They just harbor cute fucking birds that shit on cars.

HC said...

Puppy can read?

DH said...

Fucking Luddite canine. ya wanna impress it on a Kindle, bitch.

girl6 said...

Whatcha reading there, puppy? "Ulysses"? "Kant and the Platypus"? Do you bring your book with you to the cafe and prop it up on the table so that everyone can read the title and see how intellectual you are? Do you chuckle knowingly and write snide comments in the margins with a pencil with no eraser?

Fucking hipster puppies, man. What a bunch posers. Oh--posuers, I mean. Emo asshole.

Fuck you.

Word verification: "trofixic". This puppy will totally find a way to use it in a sentence trying to impress some bitch.

-.- said...

After finishing your book, I was kind of hoping that there would be a movie. It could be an epic saga filled with CGI goodness. Oh well.

~ Popin

Anonymous said...

I googled vichysoisse. This is what it said:

Did you mean: Vichyssoise

I bet the dog knows how to spell it.

Unknown said...


WR said...

I met that dog at Starbucks. If he was really smart he would have ordered a skinny vanilla latte venti instead of a smoothie for god's sake. It was an embarrassing.

Joao-Pierre S. Ruth said...

Not foolin' me, oh pretentious pooch! We all know you use a "Speak & Poop" to read.

Anonymous said...

Grow up people FU Penguin is using the pooch as a bookmark!!!

Shinxy said...

Well, Nike sure found a way to 'get rid of Tiger Woods'! Sadly for you, they didn't take it.

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