Friday, October 23, 2009

Penguin Donates Millions to Charity!


I thought everyone else would be as interested in this story as I was. Who knew penguins were so selfless?
(AP)

Penguinville, ANTARCTICA - Moments after emerging from his father's fat fold, a baby emperor penguin donated his entire inheritance to human-focused charities. While the money went to a number of different non-profit organizations, the bulk of the money was donated to PETAP (Penguins for the Ethical Treatment of Actual People). "This is a great day for human/penguin relations," said a real person, who was using their fingers to do something complex as they spoke, "we've always known penguins were totally great and didn't at all deserve the negative press they've been getting recently. But it's nice to have it confirmed."

When reached for comment, the baby penguin had only nice things to say about humans. "I think people understand that we can only do so much to avoid being cute in certain circumstances. This is simply just the way we were born. The fact that so many people are thoughtful about our circumstances and try their best to look the other way means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to my fellow penguins. This is just my way of saying thank you."

This is really a different way of thinking about penguins isn't it? That charity is great, because it is specifically targeted to actual humans like you and me! Now I am going to go put some pants on (one leg at a timing, right guys?!) and put more thought into all this new light that's been shed on the penguin.

38 comments:

Unknown said...

this blog should be renamed lies and the dirty adorable penguins that tell them

iangoole said...

And when you've thought....you're gonna fuck the penguin, right?

Ben said...

lies, damned lies, and statistics from penguins

Unknown said...

STOP IT! You penguin propaganda poster! I seriously doubt the ability of this infant penguin to acquire assets!
And release the human; I can't sift through this world of cute dangers without him...... did you know I almost pet a squirrel yesterday? A SQUIRREL! Only once I got within striking distance did I notice the shifty eyes and mischievous claws - I was lucky to escape with my life!

Anonymous said...

FU Happy Feet, global warming is gonna melt you right off the planet. Then lets see who will be wanting to live in my friggin fridge?

MikFoss said...

Your only making this worse on yourself penguin, give it up now and those seals knocking at your door might make it quick for you.

uporo said...

LIES! LIES!

Anonymous said...

LIES!!! All LIES!!! Give us back our human!!!

Chitownmez said...

This shtick is getting old. Sorry. I love the blog, but really?

Saraddy said...

I have to agree with Chitownmez. It seems like it's gone south (past Antarctica) since your book signing. I'm just sayin.'

Feisty Actress said...

BRING BACK OUR HUMAN! Sick 'em, baby leopard seal! Sick 'em!

liquid paper said...

::cripwalks to the exit::

Unknown said...

I agree! Penguins are great! So says me, an actual person! Now if you will excuse me, I have to go and do complex things with my fingers!

Rico said...

Damn yous; damn yous all to hell! Crushing the wave of Immortal Sharks with a wall of ice was very clever of you, you Pengo-terrorist. I heard the bone-chilling recording of one of you shrieking "THIS . . . IS . . . ANTARCTICA!!!"

But don't try to weaken our resolve with your fake stories and lies - I feel like I'm reading the tabloids.

I checked out http://www.petap.com/ and it clearly shows it's the company you used to help make your underground hostage storage bunker (aka UHSB), and has nothing to do with so-called "Penguanitarianism"

Unknown said...

you're such a freak. I love you.

WR said...

PC Penguin strikes again. Not to be trusted! Run while there is still time.

coolingstar9 said...

Penguin can change from good to better, who say "mo "? He tell us about donation matters, it shows that penguin want to do the good job. But because hunan beings are quite stuborn, so penguin needs to entertain them and become the actor just like look show " for laugh only "
It free our mind from our stressful life. In this respect, let us salute this unique penguin.

nltisme said...

How do I get MY share of the funds? NOW......

Anonymous said...

Fuck I hate penguins, I hate this blog less than I hate penguins though so linked. I'll learn to love it eventually.

No, I lied, it's awesome. I peed a little.

Unknown said...

it's like you keep saying "talk to the hand" to animals! Genius! to keep saying it over and over, idiocracy. Quit dulling our planet, this is boring, your boring.

turbonephew said...

PETAP is a shadow organization funneling all it's money into monkeywrenching the arctic fishing trade and stopping global warming.

Don't believe their lies.

turbonephew said...

punt a penguin bitch.
this isn't
i <3 pengins
fuck those goddamned critters in the mother fucking ear.

Anonymous said...

Why do you have to use such degrading comments, and remarks full of negative language?
Stories are great, you language sucks.

Unknown said...

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You just think your hot shit dont'cha?

green.1148 said...

good stuff

DebNavins said...

where are the current posts? I miss FUP!

Unknown said...

Fuckin penguins

Unknown said...

your humor is substandard at best.

Anonymous said...

Best blog ever!

Art Break said...

i Love YOU Buhahaha

Art Break said...

I love you!!! i got a good laugh :3

Anonymous said...

interesting post
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Anonymous said...

fuck fuck fuck

i just got rid of my anger thanks :)

Bob Merkin said...

I've fucking had it with penguins and their lackeys in Congress! There's a reason they're all rolling in dough.

Bob Merkin said...

I've had it with these fucking penguins and their lackeys in Congress. There's a reason they're all rolling in dough...

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