Dissatisfied ferrets resort to Jewish guilt

Ferrets have made no secret out of the fact that they are not happy about being so low down the list of favorite pets, hovering way below the classic favorites like dogs and cats and somewhere between a potbellied pig and a chia pet. Instead of taking this like a man, they unsurprisingly take it like a ferret, which means tons of fucking passive aggressive comments about how all the ferret wants is for you to be happy and if it doesn't make you happy, well, then maybe it just shouldn't be around any more.

This particular manipulative bastard has taken it to a whole other level. If a Ferret ever gives you shit like this, just say, "No, Ferret, I am not going to cook you to put you out of your misery. JUST BECAUSE I DON'T CALL EVERY WEEK DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE YOU ANY MORE. And stop looking at me like that, I will not be taken in by your firm but loving stare." Then slowly back away from the Ferret and when both of you are calmer you can make plans to firmly define your boundaries.