Friday, December 12, 2008

Elephants never forget to be total show offs



What's that, Elephant? You have a large trunk? I had no idea, because it's not like you are putting it DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE. You know, I'm pretty tall, too. I can reach the top shelf in my kitchen. I also spray water out of my nose to bathe myself practically every day. So please, stop pretending that just because you can do math and recognize your buddies you should get a fucking Presidential Medal of Honor. Hey, there's Jim, with four other friends whom I recognize, which makes five people total. NOT THAT HARD ELEPHANT, STEP YOUR GAME UP.

22 comments:

Chonny Sanchez said...

It's been a long time since I nearly choked to death on coffee shooting from my nose while reading a blog. Last time was purely coincidental. This time it was something legitimately hysterical. Keep putting those animals in their places, dammit.

Peter Leeds said...

And you know what? Splurge on a goddamn nose- and ear-hair trimmer from Sharper fucking Image.

Christ, you pachyderms have no sense of hygiene let alone self respect.

Douche.

Saad Ali Abbasi said...

hahah!!

Georgia Hardstark said...

Dear Mom & Dad,
Well it's finally happened, I've finally met the blog of my dreams, and we're getting married and I'm having its babies AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!!!
xox,
me

EShutter said...

I was just introduced to your blog today. You might be a genius. Have you taken a test for that recently?

Anonymous said...

i love your blog, LOVE LOVE LOVE! one of the best I've come across, keep it up!

Speeder said...

Take that Fuckin' Elephants

ArKaiN said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ArKaiN said...

You know what? Your writing FUCKING SUCKS DONKEY DICK. You can tell that last sentence was funny because it was in caps, and had curse words in it. It even has an animal in it.
Stop this shit. lolcats weren't funny and this shit sure as fuck isn't either.

Rochelle said...

ArKaiN said...
"lolcats weren't funny"

Are you kidding me? LOLCATS were hilarious...

Mrs. Z said...

Your blog makes me cry. In a very good way.

Red Flashlight said...

Wow - so much repressed anger. In that anteater, I mean. And don't get me started on the elephant. The nerve of that guy! The bear doesn't threaten me, though - are you sure you're not 'projecting' on that one? It just looks like he's had his share of porn for one day, and now he wants a nap.

Akira said...

FUCK You too Motherfucker!
Shove it up your ass!
YOU SUCK!

I find this POS word verification challenging.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

ok. step down david attenborough. you were the nations favorite natural historian... but there's a new fucked up penguin in town stealing the thunder.

tell it like it is you bad mammajamma... and let those critters have it nagdamit.

Fawn said...

I think I love you.

Fonzi said...

It's good that someone is telling wild animals how it is. I support that. At the same time, it's a little silly to neglect all the cute kitten/puppies that are produced right here at home. In terms of sheer numbers, they're a much bigger problem, prancing around with their attitudes as they do. Just look at http://icanhascheezburger.com/
I mean, why go out and deal with animals far away when animals right here at home are making things hard? Is the writer of this blog interested only in going after high-profile animals? Then this becomes a celebrity blog, instead of an engine for social change-- which is what we sorely need.

Brie Aleida said...

Don't hotlink straight from wikimedia.

jdhatl said...

Elephants are great harmonicaplayers (Asian elephants not african)

D B said...

this elephant is showing off also...

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3090/3098882540_62ce9f86b0_b.jpg

Jim Kenefick said...

I think ArKaiN is a fucking cockholster.

ArKaiN, might I make a suggestion? Find a good proctologist and get the stick removed from your ass. INTERNETS ARE NOT THAT SERIOUS A BUSINESS 4 REALS.

Katherine Gehl Donovan said...

Let us not forget that they are also art snobs.

http://www.elephantart.com/catalog/default.php