Monday, July 6, 2009

On The Origin of Douchebags


What kind of sleazy joint are they running on the Galapagos Islands? With all the unsolicited come-ons, it seems like it's just one giant orgy down there. This guy seems waaaay overconfident, like he's taking every fourth tourist behind the fucking bushes for some afternoon delight. Personally, I'm not going to be seduced by some dinosaur wanna-be that thinks a laid-back demeanor and a shit-eating grin is going to convince me to sully my honor.

So no, Land Iguana, I don't want to see your condo, even if it is just around the corner. I think it's a good idea for you to just go back under whatever rock you crawled out from, most likely the one right in front of you that you probably actually crawled out from under.

36 comments:

publishing_jms said...

What a sleaze-bucket. I'm surprised the police haven't come after this one for solicitation.

The Cheap-Arse Film Critic said...

He is having you with his mind...

Anonymous said...

He should be locked up with that nonsense.

PersonalFailure said...

I feel like he's already seen me naked.

Unknown said...

He looks like he wears medallions and shirts open to the waist when he's not lounging around on the beach.

Kelsey said...

This isn't a nude beach, Land Iguana! Put some freaking clothes on!

skwilli said...

And I certainly don't want to see your wrestling medals from high school!

BioPeach said...

He's undressing you with his eyes...

Talk With No Thought said...

He told me I was the winner of a drawing, and to claim my prize i just needed to follow him back to his rock. I should have never believed a bastard like him.

Bunnee said...

That is one crazy-ass come-hither look, you got goin on, Iguana. I could be drunk out of my mind and I wouldn't fall for that shit. Denied, bitch!

Anonymous said...

If you listen carefully, you can hear the mating call of the land iguana...

"giggity giggity"

PhilB said...

That creepy-ass grin tells me that he is getting blown by a tourist that he lured behind his rock.

Fucking pervert!!!

Glory von Hathor said...

The Warren Beatty of Reptiles.

@eloh said...

OOOOO I love a little beach porn...sexy...

the un-bride said...

The title of this actually made me spit. Also, I'm sending this to Sleazebag's human equivalant asap.

Anonymous said...

Oh my that arrogant look on his face... :-P

Mike! said...

He thinks he's Jabba the fucking Hutt.

Unknown said...

His eyes are kind of making me hot!

Lady P said...

Yeah - he has that kinda breath that would knock you out cold and you'd be in his lair before you knew whether his condo was on time-share or just rented by the hour

Karl said...

Notice how he's holding his arms kind of funny? That's to make his biceps look bigger. Wotta sleaze.

Anonymous said...

well hello there cutie...

Technogeekboy said...

You can play coy all you want, but you'll be thinking about him all the way home.

WR said...

I know this is elitist but - well, the beer gut is unattractive.

Vijay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SophisticatedBrew said...

"Hey baby, come check out my rock."
"No thank you."
"Aw, what's the matter? Let me buy you a drink so you can relax."
"No thank you."
"Well, that's alright cuz the sight of you leaving is even better than the sight of you coming. But if you came with me, you'd be coming all night. Yow!"

GROSS.

vet66 said...

Cut the iguana some slack. He is showing his respect for the Michael Jackson festivities.

By the way, he would be back under his rock but there is a congressman there already at taxpayers expense on a junket to prove Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest.

Word verification; psycou

Isonomist said...

I feel so dirty. Does anyone know his cell number?

Anonymous said...

Is that a pinky ring I see?

Evan Thoreau Heigert said...

Even Ron Jeremy knows when his time has passed. Hang it up, L.I.!

Anonymous said...

You spit on my food one more time and I promise I will bitch slap you off your Galapagos!

nltisme said...

A galapagos guido? Damn.....I believe it is! They grow outside Jersey!

Anonymous said...

What kind of sleazebag lizard has *man-boobs* like this?Won't somebody please think of the children?!!?!

Anonymous said...

What kind of lizard has *man-boobs* like that? Won't somebody please think of the children?!!???!!

The Silver Spring Penguin said...

That lizard is CUT. Probably on the juice.

I am the Band said...

Look, I don't want to side with the Iguana, but I heard that he was just paid for acting the part... Seems like he's fooled everyone.

WonderGirl said...

He makes my lady parts wince.